Letter that I've wrote about Basics and Meltdown details

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Someone told me that they have a 9 year old son with Asperger's so I put this letter together discribling the basics of Asperger's and what a Meltdown is

Hello,
A friend of yours has contacted me and told me that you have a 9 year old son with Asperger's Syndrome and wanted to learn more about it. I just want to let you know that I would be more than happy to answer any questions about Asperger's because I'm also an Advocate.
I'll just write down some basics to start with.
Aspies (that what we call each other in the Asperger's culture) are very fixated with our interests. It becomes more that just a hobby or an interest, but a purpose of living life, a special love in life, a part of our spirit. Another thing about Asperger’s that is also noticeable is the lack of a social life. There are many reasons of this. 1. We can be shy or scared to anger people and 2. We in early childhood have been rejected from people because of our obsession with our interests in terms of conversation and nothing else. This part matures in life later on. Even though it seems like Aspies don’t want certain people to join our social life, there is a loneliness and yern to meet people that can relate to oneself either if it’s interests or Asperger’s. Probably the biggest consern about Asperger’s is the Meltdowns and Outbursts. Now not a lot of people understand why extreme rage happens. It took me years to figure it out. For example say if your son was yelling at you and saying horrable things. Never, I repete Never yell back or try to argue back. It makes things worse. The Aspie never means to be a brat, they are in emotional pain.

1. They are angry or defensive over a certain situation but the problem that they don’t see is that they completely missed out on the social cues or body language. This unfortunately is something that Aspies will never grow out of. Only appropriate medication will help the stress level.

2. They might worry a lot about events or situations that will never happen. This again is because they can’t see social cues, otherwise known as “Mind Blind”. They might often say “I’m Sorry” loads of times until they drive you crazy, and as soon as you tell them to somewhat “Knock it off” It’ll make things worse because they don’t know how to control themselves because they are still confused about the situation.


Here is what it’s like having an Asperger’s Meltdown.

1. A Mental Shock happens. Either it’s Fear or a Threat takened. Usually it’s not seeing the social cue or situation correctly.

2. Extreme Anger or Extreme Anxiety happens. To people or in this case Nereo-Typicals (aka Normal People) might view this behavor as inappropriate, annoying or scary. In the mind of an Aspie, they are in complete mental pain and they seek Emotional Nurturing ASAP. They want a reminder that everything is going to be okay and no one hates them in the world and nothing bad is going to happen to them.

If this isn’t taken care of immediately, it can get worse and worse to the point were an Aspie might do something “Self-Harming”. Usually it’s a little punch on the head or a slap on the arm. Sometimes it’s as extreme as choking one self. The reason why the Aspie would do this is because they are in complete panic and fear and which to relax, be knocked out or feel Suicidal. I have heard stories that Aspies trying to commit suicide, though I find this to be very very rare.

3. The mental explotion happens where they stop self-harming themselves because hey either hit themselves to the point where it hurts a little or the anxiety was too much for them and they start crying and saying negative things like “I wished I was dead!”

The reason why they think this is because they are very very sad and in depression mode because they can’t read social cues and they don’t understand why the world around them is very confusing. From experience, the only thing that can cheer them up and to show that life is worth living is simply their interests.

Though as years go on, it gets harder and harder for an Aspie in this sense on understanding when a Meltdown comes.

Sometimes even a sound can trigger a meltdown. For example for me, I can’t be in a room when I hear to people yelling in anger, because it gets me extremely stressed and scared and can cause a meltdown.

A Meltdown is the Most painful thing an Aspie can ever go through.

Unfortunately my parents are not emotionally nurturing because they know that I’m an adult plus they don’t fully understand the sensitivity of the syndrome and it kind of makes them feel that they are stepping on egg shells. So I kind of make it easy for them by tryng to help myself which is very very hard for me to do.

Aspies usually have low self-confidence because we are scared of living in such a confusing world.


Though here are some tips that might help you out.


1. If your Aspie child has a meltdown, try to be as sensitive to their feelings as much as possible. They are in pain at the moment and it gets worse and worse if action isn’t taken care off.

2. Try to find local events or social groups relating to their interests, It’ll help them gain a social life.

3. When ever a stressful argument happens, whenever they do something that is their fault. Keep reminding them on how they are loved, that they are a nice person, and positive things like that. It helps their weak self-confidence to become stronger for a little bit.

I hope this information helps, if you have any more questions about Asperger’s, I’ll be more than happy to answer them J

_Eric
(Aspie / Asperger’s Advocate, age:21)

Thanks for sharing that with us

You know... you are absolutely right.

Before my DS was diagnosed, I thought that he was only throwing tantrums all the time because he wasnt getting his own way. I used to walk away and ignore him when he "threw tantrums" ...It was the worst thing for me to do!

Since we have had the diagnosis of HFA 8 Months ago I am now extremely tuned into his needs when he has a melt down no matter what the reason. I support, hug, telling him that I'ts ok to get angry, frustrated or upset and that I love him and understand him ... which has been extremely positive. He is much happier with less meltdowns (and shorter duration) and he has better days overall prior to diagnosis because of our family's general change in attitude towards those meltdowns...He knows that I "Get him" now... and feel a deep connection with him emotionally.

My only regret is that I didnt do this earlier. I see how easy it is for someone who has no clue that their child is on the spectrum, or a complete stranger watching a meltdown can see it as just plain naughty... But we just need to keep educating the general public about ASD's on so many levels...so that these beautiful kids are much better understood and get the love and support that they need and deserve.

I think it contains alot of personal experiences stated as facts, you might want to change that.
Otherwise a good thought.

Okay, I'm pretty much going from my experience as you said. Well if anyone disagrees or feels differently about it, feel free to add onto it.

I realize now that not all Aspies are a like, it's true, some of us are different. Also isn't that more of personality apose to the diaqnose? Some experience hand flapping and rocking and others don't.

I do appoligize if it did seem like FACT, But like I said, I went from my own experience. Feel free to add on if I've missed anything. I think I wrote that as a general sort of thing not as "All Aspies hit themselves during a meltdown". To me it's more of being aware if this does happen.

No offense taken I hope.

I'm an aspie, I'm won't be offended by text unless you are really trying. ^^
The problem when you write (or talk) to people, they tend to see what you wrote(/said) as the universal truth (no matter what you say or do to stress it's not) so writing very clearly that this is your, and yours alone, experience will help alot. So the problems will occur if they are that kind of people who reads it like that and their child won't be like that, it can even be worse than if they had no insight whatsoever from the begining.
Hope for the best, prepare for the worst.

Okay, what should I do when they ask me for advice? How can I be a better Advicate?

Try to allways use to (or more) examples that are quite the opposite from one another when you explain, this way they have both views and can adapt to the one that seems to closest to their sons reaction.

Ericc,
I have a 16 year old daughter with PDD. Just wanted to let you know, I thought what you wrote was a lot true with us, and also hepful. ~ Ericka

I thought it was a great description, and liked it being personal instead of clinical. You might want to change a few words to emphasize your personal experience even more.

One thing I disagree with slightly is "This unfortunately is something that Aspies will never grow out of. Only appropriate medication will help the stress level". I think what you mean is that there are organic neuro-chemical forces that don't just go away, and usually don't respond to anxiety-reducing techniques designed for NTs.

But meds are not always the answer, and a lot of improvement can be made by cognitive training, especially for a 9 year old. The brain can be trained to re-interpret inappropriate emotional responses, and social cues can be learned cognitively. It takes time, but with skills building and self-acceptance, the anxiety level can be reduced to manageable levels.

Another thing you might mention is the difference in how to provide comfort. Hugging or holding the child may not be comforting. Rational reassurances may be better. And solitude.

Thanks for sharing with us, Eric