Im new to this, My son might have AS

Post Reply New Topic

I would like to share some things about my son Julian. I have been told by doctors recently that they believe he has Asperger's Syndrome. I wanted to go straight to the source of ppl who are raising kids with this syndrome, or have it themselves.

Julian is going to be 4 this December.
He has always been so smart, He started crawling at 5 months, Walked at 9 months, Spoke at 7 months. His most gifted area though was electronics. by the age of 2, he could turn on the tv,change the input from cable to dvd, put in his movie, get the controller, press play, and scan through the opening previews until his menu for his movie came up. Needless to say, my husband and I were astonished the first time we saw him do this.
Up to the age of 2, Julian was this whiz kid, everything he did was effortless, he seemed so advanced and ahead of other children. He surpassed every milestone set for his age.
It was shortly after he turned 2 I started noticing some things...
He did not communicate with me the way he should be, He knew how to form full sentances, but would limit his vocabulary to 1 or 2 word answers. He would never speak unless he was spoken too, and even if he was spoken too, his response's would be limited or unintelliagable. I would get frustrated because I knew that he knows how to talk.. he is just choosing not to.
At the Park, he would not play with other kids the way "normal" kids did. he would always look like he wanted to play with them, but never really knew how.. he would end up sitting in the sand by himself. This broke my heart time and time again.
I noticed he would become "obsessed" with certain things.. like shutting all the doors when we would come downstairs, or turning off every light in the house if they were on. He became obsessed with Machines, Trucks, Planes, Tools, Computers, and Electronics.
I am told this is a classic sign of Aspergers Syndrome, and may lead to a very fullfilling career in engineering. However, as Proud as I am about how much he knows about electronics... He does not focus on other things that he needs to know to start junior kindergarten in 2 weeks.
They told me he has to write his full name, age, address, and phone number, his ABC's and counting, and basic reading .
LIKE REALLY!? my son is by no means stupid, trust me, i know how smart that kid is, but when i sit down with him and try to teach him how to count, or write his name, or his ABC's he stares into space as if he is not even comprehending what I am saying.. this is a very frustrating thing as his mother, because i witness on a daily basis how smart this little guy is, and yet when i try to teach him something I feel as if he is a new born and does not comprehend language yet.
Now, I say that to say this:
I have been trying to teach my son his ABC's for a year now. he never pays attention, he shuts his eyes, or looks away. to say the least sometimes i think he does nto even hear me at all.
then today, at a moment of weakness i yelled at him. "JULIAN U NEED TO KNOW UR ABC'S SO U CAN GO TO SCHOOL" he looked at me, and said his entire alphabet, A-Z. I sat there in complete shock, embarrassed, ashamed, amazed.... When did he learn his alphabet?
Instance number 2... we moved out of our old house when Julian was 1 year 10 months old.
I drove by it the other day on our way to my mothers house, and he looked out the window, and says "thats our old house" 2 years after he lived there, he remembered that? i dunno wut to think. because he is starting school, his speech was a big concern for me, so he is now on a waiting list for speech therepy..
So, in june, I took him to the doctors to see if i was just an over expectant mother, or if something was wrong with him.
They did tests ect... and came back and told me he was on the autistic spectrum... All I heard was Your son is autistic, and i burst of crying, cus that was my biggest fear. no mother wants their baby to go through that struggle in life. when i calmed down, she started to go into more detail, explaining to me they believed he had Asperger's Syndrome. Ok, so what is that i thought?
I did my research and I am not sure what to make of it.
So many brilliant minds have Aspergers, then i read other blogs calling it a curse.. the worst thing that could have happened to them....
others say they are way smarter than the average person and their thought process is that of a genius.
I have also been told that Aspergers is genetic and is passed from the Mothers side. Even if the mother herself does not show signs, she may still pass the gene on.
This lead me to do more research which leaves me wondering if I myself have gone these 25 years not knowing I had aspergers. Is it possible to have it and not know?
The symptoms my son has are as follows:
Walks on tiptoes, Plugs ears at loud sounds, flaps hands when excited, clumsy, socially awkward (at times, other times he is not) Obsessed with Snowmen, Santa, trucks,planes, computers, He has to Follow a STRICT schedual otherwise he is in complete chaos. He speaks only when spoken too, UNLESS he is talking about something that is of intrest to HIM, then he talks all the time, non stop. He has an incredible memory, Sometimes he seems detatched, or aloof like he is not there, or he is not paying attention... He has trouble with his motor skills, He is nearly four and can not hold a pencil properly. he makes very poor eye contact, but he does occasionally look you in the eyes. He gets stressed out easily, and when under stress develops a stutter... the first couple words when he trys to form a sentance are a high pitched sound, he sometimes makes facial expressions like he is struggling to get the words out.
I just do not know what to do, I was in denial about this, Im not sure if having AS is even a bad thing? I just dont know, he is my baby and Im scared for him.
I just want to know if there is anyone else out there that demonstrated those same symptoms...
Also, my grandfather (on my moms side) was so brilliant and obsessive about computers.. he dropped out of highschool and worked at a college as the janitor.. he would go into the lab at night and reprogram all the computers that were not working ect... he was caught doing that one time, and the college hired him as their new computer professor, because he knew more about them then the actual teachers that worked there.... a highschool dropout, who worked as a janitor.
I believe my grandfather had aspergers, but back then it was not really known or diagnosed...he was so brilliant, and obsessive, which leads me to my suspicion of myself having it as i share the same qualities with my son and grandfather.
Is it possible to be 25, and live ur whole life never being diagnosed?
and what do i do for my son, I am worried about his future, I guess i really would love to hear from someone who has a child, or has lived the life themselves who has the same similarities as him.
im so sorry this is so long, i just do not know what to do, or how to get this off my cheast properly.

Welcome to WP.

One parent mentioned that a vest had helped a lot with handwriting troubles. Might help. I'm working on teaching my son his letters and shapes at the moment, but it wasn't going very well until we found a used tablet thing for the comp. Now I can't drag him away from it (still working on getting him to practice his letters, but definitely going in the right direction. He's an electronic junkie too). The tablet is old though and doesn't respond well so I'm hoping to save up for Gigabyte for him by yule.

Hi Cassie

Your son sounds like my son Shea. Shea wasnt diagnosed with Aspergers until last year when he was 19. He has been different from the day he was born but nobody (including the teachers and doctors) pointed us in the direction of specialists and yet he was under a paediatrician for the first 5 years of his life.

Shea's fine motor skills are really awkward (he still cannot tie his shoelaces and he looks like he has been dragged through a bush backwards every day!!). He has an incredible memory, soaks up information like a sponge, obsesses about things - when he was younger it was Harry Potter now it is music and sports. And when you get him started on these subjects he doesnt stop.

I became a single mum when he was 7 and I think in a weird way it helped him become more social. We lived an hour and a half away from my family and I couldnt move the kids back there because they needed to be able to see their Dad and as he worked shifts at the local prison every 2nd weekend wasnt possible. I had some amazing friends who supported us through all this and they became family. I also have 2 other kids - Jesse 23 (boy) and Kasey 19 (girl). Because of the closeness in age and the small town we live in they have a lot of friends. Some of these friends have been friends from the time they were preschoolers. Shea has 2 best friends - Dale who he started school with and Jared (who funnily enough was born the same day as Shea) who he met at 11. All these kids still socialise together and Shea has this big network of older and younger "adopted brothers and sisters" who look after him. He can and does socialise but he will not give into peer pressure (Aspies can be full of high morals and values - I just love that!!) and if he doesnt want to go nightclubbing then he simply doesnt go.

I was gutted when he was finally diagnosed - not because of what he had but because it took so long for it to come out that he wasnt just unique but there was an explanation for his social "awkwardness", coordination and inability to hold a job down. It was only when he got to high school that his differences became glaringly obvious.

Shea will only put up with lots of people for a short period of time and then he disappears quietly. If he was at a friends house and too many people arrived, the parents knew not to panic if he vanished. I used to have a rule in the house that one night a week was his night and no-one was allowed to come visit. We had an open door policy with teenagers and we quite often had extras staying (I am Mum no 2 to lots of the kids friends), but when Shea had had enough that was it - everyone was out, the television went off and the music came on.

He also liked routine and hated moving house. He still talks about getting our old house back to live in but I am hoping he will eventually get over that one. However, he can be like a brick wall when it comes to making him change his mind or routine!! !

There are lots of good points though its not all bad. Shea is so sensitive and compassionate, loving and kind, with an excellent sense of humour (it is really dry and a lot of kids just dont get him) and he is fantastic when you need a dictionary or encyclopaedia but cant find one!!

He is flatting with his older brother, manages his own money (he gets a benefit because of the Aspergers) and generally enjoys life. He is learning to drive a car and is about to sit his restricted licence test.

So enjoy all the fabulous and clever things that Julian can do - and don't let narrow minded ignoramuses bring you down with their negative comments. Having an Aspies child is a special gift and one that I am so thankful I was bestowed with. Yes they are hard work, but they are worth it.

Good luck with getting the help you need for Julian. He sounds like a fabulous little boy.

Hi Cassie,

Welcome to WP.

I was diagnosed at 37 or thereabouts. So yes, it's possible to be diagnosed later in life - or not at all.

I'm a little short on time at the moment so I can't give you quite the welcome/advice I'd like to however...

Aspies have normal IQ's, not necessarily high, normal and possibly low but never well below normal. There are very few aspie "Geniuses" but our ability to focus and our special interests can combine to make us become like experts in particular (restricted) subject areas.

Your son's writing troubles may have something to do with Hyptonia which is a part of aspergers. Essentially it means low muscle tone but probably not in the sense you'd expect.

As I mentioned, I'm pressed for time and can't answer you properly at the moment however you may want to look at my blog (see my footer) and click on the some of the subject areas to read more. In particular, you might want to check out hyptonia and the tips for parents bits.

BTW: What age is your son now... I've re-read your first post a few times but can't quite figure it out.

Gavin.

Welcome and congratulations. It sounds like Julian is a fine boy, and thanks to your early awareness, he should be able to avoid most of the problems you read about.

Aspies and NTs have different natural brain languages. You'll need to learn aspie so you can help teach Julian NT. He sounds like he's a normal aspie kid. Even at his age, things have to have reasons. If rules aren't consistent, or he doesn't understand the purpose, he won't answer or behave the way you would like.

Yes, there are games and stuff that help him socialize with NTs, but its just as important to nurture his aspie nature. That means giving him lots of access to information, but letting him learn in his own way. And encouraging his special interests.

I wouldn't worry too much about him having problems with emotional development. It will probably be slower, because he'll have to develop cognitive analogs, but early intervention works wonders.

I grew up without anyone realizing I have Asperger's, because I invented my own work-arounds, and it was more difficult, but I would trade being aspie for anything. And yes, I'm a successful engineer <grin>, with friends, and a good long-term relationship.

Well you have sympathy, but as an older Aspie when we were reguarded as just shy when growing up please try to treat your child as a regular person. My own Grandad exhibited Aspie tendencies as well.
Well in my case I attended regular school and was sent to the idiot class in infant school, I was by no means sub normal intelligence but they figured I was because I did not pay attention and was getting low grades. However thanks to some good advice my mother introduced to the Narnia books which I ate ate up in record time. I spent so much time in my own head ignoring the real world this allowed me to connect to the real world via fantasy.
What I am trying to say is treat your child just like any other and don't make allowances otherwise they may never learn to deal with the real world. This would be a big mistake. Make sure you teach them manners and morality and proper behaviour, if chastisment helps then do so and I don't mean beat them either. I have clear memories from 2 or 3 years old and I deserved it.
So treat your your child as you would any other and encourage any interests they may have.
See Piers Grandin who is truly Austistic she seems odd to me but is very functional in the real world.
If your child is actually autistic and not Asperger's then that is a different matter, my current wife has son who is aspergers who lacks a lot of common sense and is overly trusting and he drives me to distraction.
Your child is capable of a lot just encourage that potential and yes he may seem a little odd but that goes with the territory.
Just remember if my generation can make it so can they. In some ways it's not an affliction but a gift.

sorry changing subject slightly. But I cannot believe a school wold expect 'write his full name, age, address, and phone number, his ABC's and counting, and basic reading', surely that is why to go to school to learn this. his not even 4 yet, in some countries they do not start reading till 7, when they feel a child is ready.

Also why does it have to be passed down the mother's side, my dad is aspie?

Can you get help, my son has IEP - individual education plan, so they set 3 targets and every 2ms we evaluate it and change it needs be, his are to take turns, talk to a peer and help some of his behaviour (overly strong hugs!). since his started he coming on really well. he is also under assessment for HFA/AS. The NAS are a great source of information, and might tell you about local things in your area.

thinking of getting myself assessed after 40ys.

Until you spoke about 1 word answers, you could have been describing ME! MAYBE you can explain to him that electronics requires that he be able to learn well, and know shapes, colors, reading, writing, arithmetic, etc....

I knew how to read before I was in kindergarten, I LITERALLY snickered when heard first graders trying to read.

Anyway, I learned what I felt I had to. That is apparently more than most others ever did.
HOPEFULLY, HE feels the same way.

Oh well, I have to get to work. 8-(