Anyone have any practical tips for parents of Aspies?

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Hi - I'm Alicia and am the Mom of a beautiful boy of 10 who has Aspergers. I am also a pediatrician, but please don't think that makes me any more equipped to handle the challenges of parenting! In fact, sometimes it makes it harder... I have been through the evaluation process, the IEP meetings, the sleepless nights of worry on BOTH sides. Have met some of the kindest, most wonderful people on earth - and also some of the biggest idiots, many of whom were quite well intentioned. One thing I've noticed is that there is A LOT of attention devoted to the diagnosis process, but beyond that... I would like to start of blog of PRACTICAL tips - how do you get him to do his homework? How do you stop a meltdown? How do you get him to sleep at night? Anyone with any thoughts?

We've had posts on all those topics. Read around. But, um, be careful of copyright issues if you are looking for information for your own blog.

If he has any hobbies in which he is instensely interested (persevations in psych speak), try to encourage the interests. If fact, use his interests to communicate and get through to him. You can do this by learning about his interests and discussing areas of interests and how they relate to other things. Thanks for visiting us and Welcome to WrongPlanet.

I wish there were an easy answer to give for those questions but each child is so different. My son is now 19 and in college living in a dorm and doing very well; making friends and good grades. I could not be more proud. However, it has been a long road for him. There are many times that I have cried and worried but I never let him see me. I have always talked to him about his Asperger's as if it were Diabetes or any other medical condition. It is just something he he has, not something he is. I tried hard to never use it as an excuse for his behavior other than his difficulty communicating and making friends. I work in a school everyday with children who have Autism (much more severe than my son) and I see how easy it is for parents to give in to the urge to excuse behaviors as a symptom of their Autism. I am not blaming the parents, there are very few resources available for parents after the diagnosis.

My son visits me somtimes at work and he thanks me for the way I raised him. That is the best gift I could get from him.

Maybe research sensory overload and reduce your child's sensory intake which (in my own case, anyway) reduces the likelihood of meltdowns.

The best thing I ever did was get for myself a weighted blanket, I got mine here:
weightedblanket.net

I can be totally frazzled and when I put the weighted blanket over me, I am *instantly* calm. It's a miracle. And nobody is paying me to say any of this.

Air purifiers help a lot. Super-soft fabric clothes without tags.

Salt lamps are a great help, both ionic and respiratory. I get mine from Solay.

Oh, and this book -
Too Loud, Too Bright, Too Fast, Too Tight

Good luck!

Welcome aboard, alacov!

In retrospect on my upbringing, positive reinforcement can do wonders for helping an aspie acclimate to "normal" life. Telling them they're doing something right, and making sure they know it, can do wonders for self-esteem. Too often, I didn't feel like I was doing the right things, and was being punished for things that I couldn't change.

One thing that I've been discussing with parents of auties in my area (I meet several of them at my work) is using a sort of classical conditioning approach for leading the child into "normal" routines. For example, one thing that I've struggled with for years is looking people in the eyes. It wasn't so much a problem until middle school when the hormones kicked in. That was a very sticky situation. One thing that I did was look at myself in the mirror, and try to look at my eyes. kind of like a staring contest. Only I was allowed to blink. This gives a quantifiable number that can be tracked. From there, start talking during the "training." Only a few words at first, but then work into a small conversation. It's not an overnight thing, by any stretch of the imagination, but it allows for goal setting and that sort of thing.

I also wholeheartedly agree about the sanctuary thing. Having a place to escape to when he feels stressed is important. That said, he shouldn't flee to it at the first sign of stimuli, either.

Giving your son responsibility in his life can be a good self esteem boost, too. For example, choosing an extracurricular activity that he enjoys, or letting him choose the classes he takes in high school. Don't give him full reign right away, but bit by bit, add on pieces. That way, he doesn't get sensory overload, and can acclimate himself better into society.

Balance it all out, and he'll do very well.