Still can't keep this boy in school.

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I posted earlier this school year about my textbook ADHD son (2nd grade, Artisan personality type, for those who follow the Myers-Briggs personality indicator). He was having trouble because he was placed into a regular classroom, even one with 32 students and a rather infirm and very conventional teacher, even after being assessed last year by the school as having Asperger's and ADHD. He really doesn't present as AS, I do, but as for him, we all know how much the two can overlap. He doesn't have any of the more difficult AS traits, but he is decidedly active and of at least average intelligence (given his behaviors, it's hard to get more specific, just that he has proven himself able to learn). So anyway, notwithstanding his problems last year, the new staff at the school, there are a lot of them this year, put him into this bloated classroom and he proceeded, in spite of the progress we made with him over the summer, to regress and run away repeatedly, and he finally came to the conclusion that if he went to school, he'd just get upset and run away again. So when they suggested we put him into the Aspire program, which is supposedly a behavioral modification class for kids with issues of this nature, we didn't see that we had much choice even though it's been a year since his initial evaluation and they did very little to re-evaluate. I think they're convinced that they did enough, but considering the cookie-cutter forms, with his name on top, of behaviors they propose to correct in the coming year, and the fact that in the 3 days he's been in it, he is already convinced he's going to fail, it seems to me that he isn't getting personalized help. I've got some guidance in this in a good psychologist who knows this kind of stuff inside and out, but he's so disgruntled with the school system that he doesn't advocate anymore. He wants us to learn to do it ourselves, understandably, but it's so intimidating. We are going to request a proper functional behavioral assessment, by the way.

The main question I bring here is the one of the program my son is in. Now let me preface this by saying that I do know he has problems, though under the law the time they have spent worsening his behavior is criminal. I've been reading about it. Their actions have worsened matters and made him not want to go back. That's illegal. But either way, what we're left with is a kid who acts out physically when upset, and I recognize the problems it poses. That said, we have also proven over the summer with a change in our approach to dealing with him that it is possible to help him see that he is responsible for his own behavior and prevent most if not all such incidents. That's where we were getting. He was looking forward to the first day of school! Inside a week, he hated school and said he had no friends left. He is given to some dramatic exaggeration, but not if it denies him a pleasure like playing with his friends... If he says he has none, something has happened to drive them off. I still don't have the full picture because they didn't seem interested in the slightest in finding out why he ran off.

So in this new class, they watch and march these little guys everywhere, give them a points reward system with a single warning for a misbehavior before giving them a minus mark instead that point, and try to make them earn free time and rewards by behaving in a classroom. For the latter two of the three days he's been in, he has had to be held because of aggressive behavior. Now, when he was enrolled, we received no documents explaining anything about the program, just a brief description of the points program and a brag about their success rate (2 kids out of 15 mainstreamed last year. They were really excited about this). I actually learned about how the points were done from him, after being sent three daily progress reports with no explanation of what the marks meant. Anyway, they're telling me that it starts with him refusing to participate in class but that's still a long way from becoming so violent he has to be held hand and foot! He told me that they just haul him into the "pod" and hold him.

So it seems likely (I wish I could secretly observe for myself, but how?) that to him, at least, they are just out of nowhere dragging him in there and I can imagine it after that. He reacts the way anyone would to being held hand and foot. How exactly does that teach him NOT to be aggressive? He's only seven, honestly. Today I couldn't even get him to school!. I offered him a points system at home as well, one that started with a point for just going to school at all, another point for coming home nicely, another if he doesn't have to be held (he can control himself, it's hard, but I've seen it, and it will get easier with practice) etc. I tried waiting in the parking lot with him (he got upset by something on the way to school and wanted to go home, I said no. I think he was edgy because he was heading back to school). Finally I brought him home but have allowed no video games or TV, which I had explained was the consequence if he came home. He loves his video games, and still he would not go to class. What could I do? Drag him there? He'd be guaranteed to end up in a bad situation with his attitude the way it was. I've requested them to assemble descriptions of classroom procedures, which you'd think would be given to all parents upon enrollment. I just have to get my hands on them. The papers, I mean.

What gets me is that they think he's autistic (if you watched him play, you'd wonder if he was even AS, much less that, seriously, he's just very active. VERY active) and yet they dump him in a worse-than-regular classroom, then in a class where they give him just one warning, and then treat him like a mental patient. It smacks of someone in the district or schools trying to get funding without providing trained staff, but how do you prove a thing like that? I just don't know. I'm lost in a sea of legal jargon and laws that look the same but are very different. Do you know these people were very quick to say that an IEP is not the same as 504? Well, apparently, to be quite literal, no, they are not the same thing. And yet he is 504. If he can't get an education in a regular classroom because of his behavior problems, he is 504. Why do they have to be so weasely? I mean, do they actually care if their students do well? Do they care about anything but funding? His last school, I swear, did nothing but fundraisers and hand out flyers about bond issues! I was glad to help, shoot, I've been saving that danged box tops all summer, I donated to and went to their carnival even though my son flipped out because he couldn't win anything and his sister had vanished into the crowd and I couldn't find her so we could leave, I buy from the darned catalogs! Ugh!

Well, I'm done venting I guess. If you have any questions, chime in, I'm sure I left out important stuff or made something sound wrong. I'm a bit muddled right now.

Wow, I feel for you. We're having similar problems with our school district with two of my grandsons, one with ADHD and one with classic autism. Neither are having their needs met to my satisfaction, although we're doing fairly well at advocating because I hound my children about it all the time. One example would be my grandson with autism, who has ridden the bus for the previous year and a half, suddenly "needing" a restraint vest. (To make it more interesting, the morning crew claim the afternoon guys want it and the afternoon guys claim it was the mornig people.) We simply told them we thought the additional restraint (he DOES wear a seatbelt) might be frightening and refused to approve it. Anyway, is there a PAVE organization in your area? That's a parent advocacy program that might be helpful. Also, you CAN observe your child's classroom at ANY time. The school might want you to fill out volunteer forms to get approval to be there, but you don't have to wait until they are processed to go in the classroom. I would call the principal and announce your intention to observe your son's classroom for the rest of the week, starting tomorrow morning, and then just show up. DON'T let them intimidate you. You are a parent and both you and your son have rights.

Take your concerns to your school board members...they are there to help you with such problems that need addressing. The school board carries more clout to resolve issues that any school principal.

You can sit in your son's classroom but, what will that truly solve? It may end up just upsetting your son further.

Your son is only seven years old...can you adequately do home schooling as other parents are doing these days with the unfortunate deterioration in public schools and lack of quality educators in current times?

I wasn't meaning I wanted to sit in on all his classes, more that I wish I could be a "fly on the wall," ie. see what's occurring for myself.

And homeschooling is on the list, though I really would prefer that he be able to be around other kids. I get annoyed when other people tell me that, because it's in the form of an admonishment, one of those "you need to" statements. I wish it simply because I know he does, very much, want to have friends to play with. I also see that there is a certain amount of his self-esteem riding on it at this point. But this district has what appears to be an outstanding homeschool arrangement, with a hub school specifically set up to support homeschoolers K-12 and activities and supporting mini classes available through it. If I could get him into activities through that, it could take up the slack socially. Yes, I have given it some thought. The main obstacle is actually his 3-year-old sister. But if I had to, yeah, I could and will.

This new class doesn't sit right with me AT ALL. It just doesn't sound right for your child. Get him OUT of there.

My other reactions:

1) Could you homeschool for a while? (cross posted on that; I see that you are considering it)

2) Does he have an IEP in addition to the 504? So that he can get services and not just accommodations?

I just noticed a poster that I missed... to respond to the first reply, I could only pop in maybe once what with scheduling issues, but I can't because really, how would they act with me there? And I honestly don't know whether I'll be able to get him to go back! I'm actually thinking of trying the points one more time, something more concrete and immediate, say, with x # of points you get this, and keep the requirements really low to start with, then increase as he improves. I fear today's bringing him home may have weakened my position in such negotiations (seriously, he's a tactical man) but still I'll try. I may have his dad present the terms, he's not as soft as I am, more clear headed. I've got the brain, but it's floating in marshmallow.

Anyway, to respond the later poster, They went out of their way to deny that the 504 law didn't apply, that the meeting was just about his IEP. Well, without actually saying that, that is. My husband asked a question that included "504" in it and they got all sweaty and insisted almost as one, that "that's not the same thing. 504 isn't the same thing as an IEP." Our psychologist, who told us in the first place that the kid is 504, said that 504 is more powerful, and naturally they don't want that. Irritating. Well, they've got it, whether they want it or not.

I'm stunned...

I had called the school about getting the papers I requested together (and mentioned why he had not gone to school today) and talked to the school psychologist who said she'd call back after she'd looked into it. Well, I missed the call when she finally did, and got a voicemail back later saying that she had this huge packet of papers together and that we needed an emergency IEP because his behavioral plan wasn't cutting it and that she wants to do "a functional assessment of behavior" and needs my consent!



My consent? Ho-ly crap, I thought I was going to have to wrestle someone to get one, and here she is telling me she thinks we'd better have one? How awesome is that?

Guardedly optimistic... but right now the best word for my response, I think, is that lovely British term "gobsmacked."


Dude...

It's great that your not the only one that see the need for a change in his schooling . Best wishs and stand your ground mom your kid is counting on you !