parents -- dream of a different reality with you/your child?

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I have this dream, every once in a while:

My husband gets a new job, and this job requires him to travel extensively, so that we have no home, but go with him on all his travels. This way, my son can leave school, get his schooling by cyber school, and his socialzing would consist of brief encounters with adults and some peers [this type of socialization almost always goes well for him] that we would meet in the various new locations. He could study on the road, and we wouldn't have to deal with much in the way of responsibilities. There wouldn't be the need to be socially acceptable at church, in the community, at school, etc.

I love this dream. It means that my son's interactions with people would tend to mostly be positive, and he could have more time to mature with less of the struggle and less of the not-being-included-in-the-group problems that we currently deal with. Right now, he's relatively unaware that he isn't included in the group (he's 13), but he is going to become painfully aware of that in the future, and it's just killing me to watch it go on.

He's not the "I don't mind being alone -- in fact I prefer it" kind of aspie. He's the "I love people!" kind of aspie, who will be hurt when he realizes that not all people are as nice as he is. Part of the appeal of this dream is my son's love of travel. He LOVES new places, loves new routines, and loves meeting new people.

So, do any of you parents have this kind of a dream as well?

[no negative reply posts please -- I don't need people coming down on me about this kind of thing right now]

Yes. I regularly dream that I had a houseboat, and enough money that I only had to do online work on my own terms. In this dream my son and I travel the length and breadth of the UK, and all his encounters are positive. Because in this dream we're living on a houseboat, not a narrow boat, we can nip across the English channel, and travel on the waterways in Europe, through France, Belgium, Germany, Holland, and we get to practise our various language skills as well.

The only problem is in that fantasy I can provide all the education he needs apart from teaching him classical piano. He's more talented than I ever was, and is likely to outstrip me in something like... oh... the next month or so. Given that he loves his piano lessons, and has a phenomenal teacher I can't really work her into my fantasy escape.

But yes, I think the escape fantasy is common.

An endless well of money to help my son pursue all his interests to the best of his ability would be nice. To add flexibility to our family circumstances, so that we have more choices for him. I feel bad about having to keep him in a school that is less than ideal, and having to budget for something like iCamp as a unusual and special treat. But, hey, what in life couldn't be improved with more money? Or, well, so it seems ...

My son also loves to travel. LOVES it. It really surprised me to find out how many AS do; it seems contradictory, but it also frees them of expectations and assumptions.

mgran and DW_a_mom, I like your dreams -- may I take them on to mine as well?

Yes, certainly... if you can figure out a way to get a classically trained aspie friendly piano teacher into mine, I'd be very happy to know!

My houseboat has solar panels on the roof by the way, and they power the portable satellite dish that connects us to the internet. I'm serious... these things really exist!! !

Wow, our dream is just getting better and better!

I have actually had literal dreams of this twice... that my son and I were on the boat, drifting gently down the broads. The dream was so vivid, and I was aware I was dreaming, but I really didn't want to wake up. In the dream we were sitting watching the trees sweep by, and everything was very beautiful. There was even a solid fuel burner (they're common on English houseboats, narrow boats etc, you can watch the fire with no risk of it spilling out) and it was very cosy.

If I ever win the lottery I know exactly what kind of boat I'll go for too... My "dream" boat is all kitted out in my head. It's bottle green, with brass handles and so on, and it's well insulated (I've looked into it, when you're building from a shell, you can conserve heat to a very high standard by putting in a layer of bubble wrap under the floor. You could walk in the bare feet in winter on a floor like that, the cold water outside wouldn't be a problem.)

Anyway... I shouldn't have started. That's a silly obsession of mine... I'll probably never be able to afford one.

On the other hand... when I woke up from that dream, guess what my son had been dreaming? That he had a little clipper ship, and was sailing it up and down the broads!

ooooohhhh, I really like your dream even more.

I used to live in London, so I'm picture the boat going by there . . .

In fact, I'm going to think of YOUR dream as I fall asleep tonight. It's very restful.

I love your dreams
My son loves to travel but we only get to do it once or twice a year. Every time we travel he seems to grow and is so happy. We are leaving in 8 days (the countdown is on ) and travelling to Bangkok, London, Venice and Rome. We can't wait. No more bullies!! !! YAY My son can be himself instead of being a square peg in a round hole. We can do things in our own way in our own time. It's going to be GREAT. I just wish we didn't have to come back

GREAT news! My son's got a place in his school's sailing club! I just got a phone call, he's doing a month course learning how to manage the sails and rigging, etc, and from tomorrow, his PE lessons won't be running around hating every minute of failing to kick a ball... it will be something he loves, out on the water!

This thread actually inspired both of us to push for him to join the club, so I want to thank you guys.

I'm probably going to think about my boat as I go to sleep tonight too... I'm happy now.

Julie_b, wish we could go with you!

The main travel adventure we have on the calendar right now is that we've promised our son he can go to the Boy Scout Jamboree in Sweden in 3 years. Have to figure out to pay for that ...

Mgran, congrats on the sailing club! I was a HUGE boating/sailing enthusiast in my high school days, to the point of considering trying to crew around the world for a year between high school and college. In the end, however, I'm a bit too mundane for traveling off the beaten track. Still, I LOVE hearing about your dream and your son's, and I hope you can realize it someday - or, at least, a mini version

I've never had the boat dream but I do have one about a island now and then. Not having to deal with other people having all the space Jake needs to run and lots and lots of clear blue warm water all around. But this mostly happends after we've had some super bad lucky it didn't make the papers kind of day.
Your boat dream does sound beautiful and sailing classes for you son sound like they will be ideal for him

Mgran, congratulations on your son's sailing club! That sounds wonderful.

CRD, I haven't that island dream periodically as well. It's nice, isn't it?

I love travel too, and my son has seemed very happy too when we have travelled a bit "en famille", in Germany, England, and Spain, ( though he misses the internet and his books after a bit, and I can't drive so we would not be able to carry much ) . But I too, like others on this thread, have always found it difficult to settle down somewhere for more than a couple of weeks, because then all the same pressures ( expectations etc that others mentioned ), come up, and my son too has found moving house hard for those reasons, and our small village here seems a haven of peace and familiarity when think of having to do that, so yes we would have to keep moving.

So it would take a lot of money, or we would have to travel in very cheap countries like India etc, where we would also have hygiene and health issues to deal with on an almost permanent basis. I noticed when looking at Morocco and India as alternative places to live in order to escape from the increasingly tight laws on homeschooling in France, ( my 10 year old son started school this year after four years homeschooling because I/we simply didn't feel able to cope with that pressure anymore, ... will see how it goes ), that these places now have visa restrictions which mean we would have to leave the country every 3-6 months.

But the biggest problem would be having to leave his father, which wouldn't bother me, but does seem to bother my son somewhat, which is understandable ( even though his papa is not there for 4 days a week on average because he travels for his work ). And we would be dependent on an allowance from him too, which if I am not there to cook the odd meal, and provide the bit of female company he seems to need, might seem a bit much much, even if it was actually less money than we cost him here, and would "count" as "child maintenance"; and he paid child maintenance to three daughters from a previous "family", ( which he left before I met him ), for several years so this would not be an alien concept for him.

In other words we are unlikely to do something like this unless ( ... UNTIL ... ) school becomes intolerable AND the Academic Inspection do not allow him to return to homeschooling, or only until the next "control". The father is unlikely to retire for at least another 4 years, and has said that although he wouldn't mind spending a couple of months in Morocco each year he likes it here, and doesn't want to move again/live elsewhere.

I too have thought of some kind of "mobile" home; a boat sounds great, but would be so expensive to buy that it is out of the question, so we would have to live with a minimum of gear. I used to do this, quite happily, but my son is like my sister, and loves all his "stuff" like a family.

Anyway, both lovely and frustrating to think/read about. Good luck with the boating activities!

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Thinking about this thread I realise that perhaps the subject wasn't so much dreams of travel, but any kinds of dreams of different/better lifestyles!

And one of mine, especially at the moment, involves the headmaster at the school my son is going to deciding to completely jettison the national curriculum, and instead asking the teachers to hold classes, ( in whatever subject they most enjoy teaching ), open to all ages, ( 6/7 to 11/12 year olds ), throughout the day every day; so a couple of them would organise games/sports outdoors or in the gym, of all kinds, and another couple would run art and craft workshops, and another two a literature and language class, ( including the possibility to simply sit and read ), and others would facilitate maths, and science, ( hands-on aswell as theory/reasearch/history of it, etc ), and computing classes, which children could attend whenever and as often as they liked, and at which they could ask questions/pick the teachers' brains, pursue their interests in that area independently with guidance/help only when needed, or participate in group activities.

And school would only start at 9.00, too!! !

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ouinon, I LOVE your school dream!