Lost. I'm probably Aspenger and I don't know if my child is.

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Hi!
First of all sorry for my bad english, I'm Italian.
I'm 27 years old and I have a 21 month daughter. I'm a physician and I live in Rome with my wife.

My daughter behave in a strange way, but I found a lot of common point with my own childhood. She had some digestive problem during her first year (I had to sleep on the chair with her on my arms for her first year otherwise she blow out everything she eat) but apart from that she seemed "normal" (I hate this term). Growing up I saw a lot of unusual behavior:

- She doesn't play with child game, the only things that entertain her are animals, mechanical items (expecially cars and keys) and bijoux.
- Other childs seem "transparents" to her and she is a little worried about them (I never saw her playing with someone).
- She fixate on particular things and words. For istance she had an "hourse" month when everything was "hourse" and she only wanted them (she was able to carry an hourse-toy in his hand for all the day and cry if you toke it). Now for istance she fixate with "geek".
- Idealy she knows how to talk but she doesn't want to do it. For istance she had said many words but only once or twice in her life, then sher stopped saying that word. Nevertheless she know how to comunicate with us but she use mainly (apart from 10-15 words) gesture, visual acts and sounds. For istance if she want to go on the car to see horses she simply point at me, does gesture as she is taking something from the ground, then rise up his legs as she is going on something, does a gesture as you are turning on the car with the keys, she say: "Brum brum" and then mimic an horse. The important think is that all is gesture and sounds are self created, we never made them.
- She understand us not only properly but better than a child of her age, she is already able to understand numbers and follow instruction in the same way (can you give me 4 orange lego?).
- She is unable to point her attention on something.
- She is unsesitive to cold and pain and cannot understand it on others (for istance she likes to pull our hairs and if you told her that it hurts you she pull her hair and look at you as you are mad).
- She need a very elaborated routine to fall asleap and she awake a lot of times during night (also she sleep only few hours).
- She is obsessed with dirt (she want to wash her hands a lot of time also during lunch) but for istance she cry everytime we need to change her nappy.
- She never look at you when you are talking to her.
- Sometimes she became anger trying to destroy anything without apparent reasons.

I know it's pretty difficult to reach a diagnosis before 3 years, but I "feel" that there is something strange, particulary I see many point in common with me and looking at my childhood and my way of being I'm pretty sure that I was/am Asperger. I never have a diagnosis because my parents fell apart when I was 2 and usually psicologists said it was a disorder due to that or that I have DHD.
Now I have a "normal" life but this is due to my high IQ (>170 from Mensa TESTs), basically I compensate everything with my brain, my wife use to tell me that I "feel with brain" (and sometime she is frustated about that) and some of my eccentric behavior are "commonly accepted" in my work life because I'm a scientist and "genius are always mad". With time I was able to remove my "small" rituals and my "haste" for people (or their hate for me... "that little boy who is in an angle trying to build a time machine instead of playing football, let's kick him!"). I learned more about people on books than on life (another common thing said about me is that it seems that I "use a manual with people") like an ethologist who is studying animals. At school I was unable to study or pay attention to teachers but another time my brain was enough to avoid any problem. I basically did everything alone and started to live a normal life (or at least "mimic" a normal life) at age of 16 like an alien in mission on earth.

That's my worry. I had a terrible childhood but I was able to find a slot into society due to my other gift. My daghter seems to have my own behavior but I don't know if she has my kind of intelligence. I was lucky, but I don't want to establish her future on luck.

What can I do?
Should I see a specialist?
There is something we can do at home?
She should start nursery school but I don't know if it's a good idea, is it?

Welcome to WP!

I would suggest getting her tested. My daughter didn't get diagnosed until she was older but my nephew was diagnosed just before his 3rd birthday, so I know it's possible. The earlier you start getting help for her, the better the outcome will be.

You've been really observant about your daughter's behavior and what it might mean, and it's great that you are so open to helping her. Welcome to the boards!

Your daughter already has one advantage you didn't have: she has you and your wife as a parents. You will understand many of the things she goes through so much better than anyone else can. And your wife, having adapted so well to you, will see and understand and be able to help her navigate and build the bridges as I do for my AS son.

Less important than the label is understanding the child. Read around on these forums and if things other parents share help you parent your unique child better, then all is good.

Welcome to Wrong Planet.

Hi and Welcome to WP,

Your descriptions are almost textbook aspergers so I'd suggest you get your daughter examined.

It's not really necessary under the age of 3 though - and the diagnosis will be more accurate if she's older. You might want to wait.

YOU had a hard time growing up. Your daughter won't. Not if you're a good and sensitive parent. You know what your childhood was like and I'm sure you've got a list of things that you wish your parents had done differently. Do them.

Also... Early intervention is key. Aspergers is recognised these days - it wasn't 20 years ago. Your daughter will get a good start and will be able to live a fulfilling life.

Even better, if you start to become an advocate for her condition, you'll be able to give her positive tips on getting what she needs out of life. Instead of worrying about the word normal, celebrate the unique.

Check out this thread on WrongPlanet: http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt105222.html

DW a mom: "Less important than the label is understanding the child." Right on, probably some of the best advice. Ever.

Gavin: I've been reading your blog. It is super helpful. Thank you so much for sharing.

I just wanted to say that your story really resonated with me.

You daughter has a lot of behaviors that my son had at her age ... he is 3.5 now.

Two things that really improved for him in his third year were (1) he became very interested in kids ... after avoiding them at 2 and (2) he gained amazing focus ... for things he was interested in.

They say Asperger's runs in families. My son is the first person in our family to have a DX. I suspect that my father and brother may have had elements. Both have very high IQ's and, like you mentioned, were able to compensate. Both were drawn to science/engineering (as am I).

All this said, my brother, who is a doctor now, was a bit off as a kid. But in the 70's people were a lot less tuned into the signals of Asperger's. He did have the pain insensitivity you mentioned.

Any I honestly can't say I paid attention to teachers in school -- I was a terrible dreamer -- I just had the ability to rewind the audio when asked questions -- so I had the last answer -- it drove them nuts.

Your daughter will greatly benefit from your guidance and understanding. DO NOT stress about the IQ thing ... just develop her and stimulate her mind.

I'd have her see a specialist and get her in school by her third year.

My son was not ready at 2 ... to be open to it ... all kids are different.