My son (4.5) doesn't want "praise" anymore?

Post Reply New Topic

Hi,
My son is going through an interesting phase right now..he's in preschool and testing the teachers with some non-compliant behavior...such as not taking off coat, not eating lunch, etcetera. When he's doing something that he's supposed to be doing and a teacher says, "Good job." He yells, 'NO!" or "I'm NOT doing a good job!" This is a very new behavior as he used to love a lot of praise. What could be going on?
Sincerely,
Katherine

So...don't give him praise?

So, does the teacher state, "Good job", or sing, "Goood Jooob!"? You know the kind of burbling gushing I'm talking about. Maybe he's getting old enough to spot that kind of thing?

Perhaps it would help to switch to a Spock-like "correct" when his behavior is correct. Even if it's not the teacher gushing, he may appreciate a very simple positive reinforcement.

Telling somebody that they are doing a good job for every last small little thing is rather condescending. That's generally how you train a dog, not a child. If I followed you around in the morning and said things like:

Good job brushing your teeth, I knew you could do it, good job.
Good job putting on deodorant, I knew you could do it, good job.
Good job getting dressed, I knew you could do it, good job.
Good job eating breakfast, I knew you could do it, good job.
Good job getting in the car, I knew you could do it, good job.
etc.

You would get tired of that fairly quickly, wouldn't you. When you congratulate somebody on every last little thing, the praise itself losses all value, and becomes more condescending then appreciated. Telling him good job after he has completed a task such as finishing his work is fine. But try not to congratulating for everything and anything because doing that just cheapens the whole verbal praise system.

A good job is nothing. When I was a child and someone told me: "good job", I replied "I've not discovered the final law of the universe" everything else is only a right job and I don't need anyone telling me "good job". The same was at school a "B" was not a good job was a "not-perfect job".