why does a great morning turn into a horrible day at school?

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I'm relatively new to this group. Have read posts for a while, but never posted. My son is in 1st grade and has an IEP for Aspergers (we haven't had that formally confirmed, but I'm confident that AS is the correct fit - hesitate to say dx since it's not been confirmed officially)

My biggest issue right now it how to help him have a good day at school. For most kids, a good morning will usually translate into a good day at school etc. And the opposite is true for most kids - a rough morning getting to school will likely turn into a rough day at school. My son seems to be the exact opposite - WHY??? We had a GREAT morning yesterday, got ready early, got to school on time, had a great walk there like we usually do. I felt confident walking back after dropping him off. He was in a good mood and everything. That was one of the worst days at school this week. The day before was the opposite, Wednesday morning was NOT GOOD. By the time I got him to school (we usually walk the last bit, but we ran out of time after arguing / meltdowns at home), I was ready to scream or cry or both. I walked away from that drop off really concerned about the day he'd have. It was by far his best day this week. I know in Kindergarten, we had the same thing happen periodically. For example, the day he spent most of the afternoon with the VP was one of best mornings ever, and some of our worst mornings turned out to be good days at school.

So my question here - if anyone can help..... what is the logic, why does he do that? Am I providing to much emotion in the morning - even if it's positive - am I overwhelming his ability to deal with emotions? (When we have a rough morning, I emotionally shutdown to some degree to avoid my own meltdowns.) Does he need to be reminded that the rules are there and there really are bounderies / consequences (if we have a great morning, I've not had to remind him to stop and think etc)? Or just coincidence and there's no correlation at all between the type of morning and the day at school (I know I've been guilty of trying to find any pattern - even when there isn't one)?

Background - his biggest issues seem to be loud noises, large groups (I think because they are loud), too much visual stimulus (all of which perfectly describe a 1st grade classroom). He got and IEP at the end of last school year, which is now in place. There is an adult available most of the day to work with him and she's usually there for him when he's gone into meltdown. She can frequently pull him out of it before it's a full meltdown, but not always. He goes to the school based on his daycare provider (a private individual - centers failed miserably). It not too far from us, so I drive him to the daycare house and walk from there - my theory is that walking for a few minutes on the wooded path gives us some quiet/calm moments before school and lets him get out his energy before sitting for 6 hours.
He's a very sweet boy when he's not in meltdown mode. I just want to make sure the school can see the wonderful boy I know is there. Unfortunately in his meltdown mode, it seems like his brain has turned off.

Sorry for the long post - my brain gets a bit jumbled when I'm trying to figure out what his triggers are.

Thanks in advance
Beth

I don't have an answer, but this comes to mind: imagine that you've been building up stress, and building up stress, and then you boil over and really let it all hang out. Once you are done crying and reacting, you rest. And then you feel calm. Could a bad morning be like that? The needed release of pent up energy and, in that way, may help set him up for a better day? I mean, a bad morning where he has actually lost it and not just teetered on the edge?

Remember that AS kids react to stress from hundreds of little things we don't even notice. He has stress factors coming at him all day. It is much less predictable than it is with us, and starting happy doesn't always make it easier for someone with AS to roll with it as new stresses enter the day.

I think with my son there is no real connection between what a morning is like and what the rest of the day is like. There is for ME, but I don't think there is for him.

Interesting question. Not one I have really thought about.

I know my son usually has a big improvement in his behavior for some time, even for a couple of days, after he's had a meltdown. I don't know why though, if it's pent-up energy released, or if he feels guilty and tries harder for awhile to calm himself (he is always very regretful). He is 9.

That said, I certainly wouldn't arrange a daily morning meltdown so he'd have a good day at school! Not good for parents! (not to mention walls, furniture, siblings, pets, toys....)

I've personally tried recently to focus less on avoiding triggers so much as just staying calm through whatever. I'm too much of a control freak and I started to feel really overwhelmed trying to keep everything "perfect" all of the time. It was making me nuts. And not working anyway.

I would tend to agree with the other folks here....my daughter has incredibly good behavior, sometimes for several days, after a major meltdown. Think about how you feel after you've had an incredibly stressful day and then break down and cry about it. These kids have constant stress and the meltdown is a huge release, allowing them to "start fresh".

The big question is how to get better days without having to start with a meltdown. My first thought is that if your son is under such significant stress that he is going to have a bad day either at home or at school on a regular basis, the IEP is probably not providing what he needs. A friend of mine/advocate for my daughter had an interesting enlightening moment when we were working on the IEP....there was a very distinct difference between my daughter's IEP and her son's IEP....both children are the same age with almost identical diagnosis. Her son's IEP had a section on behavioral issues. My daughter's didn't. Her son is struggling with meltdowns at school. My daughter hasn't had one at all this year. We think the difference is the approach of the school. Her son's school has all of these different behavioral goals, guidelines for handling the troubling behavior, etc. My daughter's school said "we don't feel the need to put anything in the IEP for behavior because we have never seen any behavior problems unrelated to her diagnosis. We believe that the focus shouldn't be on behavior but rather on taking the stresses out of the environment and teaching coping skills so that it never gets to the point that she needs to act out".

Is it possible that your school is taking an approach more like the school that my friend's son goes to? If so, maybe it's time to revisit the IEP and go further backwards on the timeline to figure out what is causing the initial distress? Keep in mind too that the answers aren't always obvious. The SpEd teacher at our school described one of the biggest meltdowns she'd ever seen to describe how to analyze the child's needs and prevent the stresses. The school had a concert assembly with nice calm music. No stress there. This little Aspie boy was lulled by the music and had escaped into his own little world. Then the music was over and everyone started clapping. The little boy jumped, startled by the sudden noise that to him, had come out of nowhere. He made it through all the clapping, but 30 minutes later, when it was all over, the stress hit him and he flipped out for no apparent reason. It had taken a full half hour for him to process the stress of the clapping and to react.

Maybe going further back in time to figure out what the root of the problem is will help him?

My son was always better after a meltdown, but as someone else noted, you don't want to plan for that! I'm thinking back to 1st grade and for my son, it was one of the harder years. There's still a fair amount of chaos/busy-ness in the classrooms at that age - kids accidentally bumping into each other, lot of moving around, etc. Kids are also learning how to transition from one activity to the next - hard for my son. When I volunteered in the 1st g classroom, I was also surprised to see social groups among the boys were already starting to form. Your son is probably aware of that happening, add in the activity transitions, the noise, etc, and you get the perfect mix for a meltdown. In my mind, the teacher sets the tone - I asked for a well-spoken, calm, exceptionally clear teacher in 2nd grade. That with a year of maturity among all of the kids led to a vastly improved situation. The first grade teacher might be able to help by giving your son more advanced warning for transitions and working with the other kids to be quieter and more tolerant.

Stress is like a bubble. Bad morning = the bubble explode before school and he need time forming it back. Good morning = the bubble is little, grow up at school and explode there. It could be that.
If he is ok with him you can try some stress-reducing tecnics in the morning before school like running/boxing or meditation, they worked fine for me. Also I usually woke up early in the morning to exercise, read something fun, etc.. just to calm down before the day, but I was older when I found it, so I don't know how much I can tell for him.

We had the bus pick Jake up at the park for this reason for a while he needed to swing and run before schol in oder to have a good day. After school when the weather was warm he would get right in the kiddie pool in the back yard sometimes mid meltdown with everything he wore to school still on but his shoes and backpack. We gave the cable guy quite a show while he was working on the house next door one time. When going outside for hard phycail play before school couldn't happen he would get a bath before school were he could spash all he need to before hand. It depends on what your son needs to feel better and rid himself of he stress. Now the first thing jakes class does in the morning is go have playground time he rarely has a bad start to his day in the new school because of this. We were lucky to get him in a autism school.

I may be completely off track here but, if I've read your post right. Your son has a better day at school after you have driven him there, and after what sounds like a rushed stressed morning.
Perhaps when your stressed you stick more to a routine? Maybe also he doesn't like the walk? All just a thought, perhaps when your less stressed your less predictable. More stress from you and he knows where he stands.

My 10 year old hates walking to school, this is a no go routine for us. Mine also has a picture/word schedule, he takes off each picture as he completes each task. So now all I have to remind him to do in the morning is to check his schedule.

WOW! This is my first time here and I am amazed that the first post I read was about the SAME thing that I go through everyday! I am forever worried about how my sons day is going to be. Am I going to get YET ANOTHER call from school today? Is he going to have a meltdown and his day will be horrible? Did I get him off to school in the right 'frame of mind"? I am so happy to finally see that I am not alone here! I have so many questions, concerns that I dont know where to begin. I am sure that just reading through the forums here I will get alot of helpful info and mostly to know that I am not alone. Thank you!

O well, allow me to welcome you to the forums blewweyezz.

If you have any questions, feel free to make a post. I dont post very often, but if you have a question which needs answering, I will do my best to answer it and provide some assistance.