My son is 7 and I want to have "the talk" - how??

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I am referring to talking to him about his diagnosis. How have others done this? I tell my kids the truth about things and try to be straight with them. I've never told them Santa or the Tooth Fairy are real, for example. I answer their questions honestly. So I've always intended to be straight and I've never KEPT his diagnosis from him, he's just never shown any indication that he was aware that he was different, until now. He's tried some activities that didn't go so well, and he seems frustrated. I think it is time. I want this to be positive information for him, not negative. I'd love to hear how others have done this.

Thanks from a grateful Mom...

-Just take your time it maybe difficult to compreheand at first but trust him to understand everything about his Disability not be fearfull of it.

-Find a comforting place and sit him down and take means to which to discuss it with him carefully.

-Perhaps finding information about it off the net:

Tell him honestly an make it clear to him he's still the same person he was before he was diagnosed.

And most of all make it clear he's loved by all his family.

And that all his family are here to HELP him through thick and thin.

once my son went through all of the testing ( evals), he wanted to know what the results were as soon as they came in the mail . we ended up keeping the results from him for a day, just so that we could process the news and gather materials to help him understand the diagnosis. our son, who was 13 at the time had alot of questions, and i'm glad that we had materials to help explain. mostly, we just tried to keep things positive . although i know it's a controversial statement around WP these days, i'll say it: he felt relieved that there was an explanation for the reason he was having so many troubles with different things.

try getting some kid-friendly books ....and, as with other diagnoses, only answer the questions he asks, & the ones you feel are truly important....after all, if you kid was diagnosed with diabetes, you probably wouldn't tell him about diabetic neuropathy

It's a big world out there with lots of different people. Some are right-handed, some are left-handed, some use their brains differently than others.

Being 7, it may be difficult to grasp this concept, but:

Scientists tell us we humans only use maybe 10 percent of our brains...10 percent out of 100. Not everybody uses the same 10 percent. In fact, I would surmise than not very many people use the exact same 10 percent. (This is just my premise to justify thinking differently).

This perspective may never be useful to you and your son, but it may prove to be a softer approach to illustrate the AS condition in relation to mainstream brain-usage without hurting his feelings, too much.

I like Oatwillie's explanation. Low key...everyone is different and here is how you are different.

We never really had "the talk." Its always just been...like his being blonde and right handed.

BeeBee

Hmm. I got my diagnoses at 11/12, can't remember. I was in 6th grade when I finally got it, but my parents didn't tell me for like a year or two after I was diagnosed. I never figured out why, and I still haven't asked them about it (don't know why). Anyways, I think they started out by giving me examples of difficulties with social issues that they saw in me. And then they told me what it was. But my advice is, don't sit in a parking lot in the car and tell him what he has. Sitting in a car at night, I don't think, would have a good effect on him. I don't know. I guess that's all I have to say.

Great question! I've enjoyed reading the replies. My son is also 7 and we're still in the diagnosis process. But I think it's important to always involve your kids in their healthcare when they get to an age where its appropriate. For example, tomorrow we have a 4 hour assessment with an OT to evaluate his sensory issues and he asked me why he had to go. I told it was because she would like to meet him and see how he likes to do things because no two kids do things the same way. I've never looked at him having AS as a bad thing. It's something that is a part of him and although sometimes it makes things harder for him, we're going to learn together how to help make things easier. That's what I've told him so far. Good luck with your talk.

I would suggest doing it while you're doing something else that's fun. Pick something he likes to do and have the conversation while you're working on a project together. Maybe if you're baking something together, or playing cars, playdoh, anything like that.

IMO, just tell him, and be as direct as you can. He knows he's different already. Now, I like oatwillie's 10% brain usage comparison, but chances are it is too abstract unless you draw a picture. I know it would have confused my 11-year old.

We told him about his dx almost right away, when he was six. I think it was something in the lines of "your brain is different form other kids'", and told about the good bits about special interests he spent all of his time with, and the bad, with tantrums the other kids wouldn't have in quite the same way.

Important in the long run is that he doesn't use the dx as an excuse or he'll be in for a shock. The first time my son met another aspie was when he got into a fight with a kid. After a moment or two, frustrated that the other kid wouldn't give in, he yelled "I have Asperger's!" The other kid replied "So have I!" without even pausing.

Our son is seven, was diagnosed at four, and three weeks ago we had "the talk". We promised ourselves that we would let our son tell us when it was time. When he started asking why he gets pulled from the classroom for therapy we knew it was time. I can't say if our approach is right or wrong but this is how we presented it.

Some people are color blind and see blue as green and vice versa. It doesn't mean that their perception is wrong, weak, or inferior it is just a fact. As long as the person that is color blind understands this fact about themselves they can make accomodations as they see fit in order to make their life better for themselves. Asperger's we told him was sort of the same way. We explained to him that it is just a label that doctors use so that they can speak in a common language about people who's minds may process the world around them slightly differently than the general population. Just like any other kid he is going to have things that he is very good at and some things that he is not so good at. The important thing for everyone is that they come to terms with their strengths and weaknesses outside of the label of aspergers.

It was probably a 30 minute conversation. We will most likely wait for him to come to us before we decide it is time to go any deeper on the subject.