what is it called?

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I have tried to relate things to my stepson, like telling a story thinking maybe he can take the information and relate it to his own life - only to realize he never does! Like the feeling is always, I just wasted how much time trying to teach him something by way of a scenario that happened to me or someone else - but it's obvious when I am done, he never associates it with himself. He has NVLD, PDD, CAPD (and I think HFA). So if a kid (he's 13) can't learn that way, how do I teach him things? It feels often like 2 steps forward and 3 steps back, like I am going in circles. I don't know how to get through to him. I am reading a book someone suggested here but I have only finished chapter 1 and I was just wondering if that specific thing has a name? I mean it is how I teach my 2 NT kids, it is what I am used to and it works with them but it doesn't work with my SS. I'll finish talking and he'll just start where he left off almost as if he was never listening to me.

My son, 11, learns best through going through scenarios, debriefing and even through field trips.

Scenarios- I will set up a conversation about what should happen and prompt him to do or say the correct thing.

Debriefing- I will randomly pick situations I have observed or experienced with him and will explain how the other person feels and suggest ways of doing it better or congratulating him on how well he did.

Field Trips- The last one we did was a result of his father (we are divorced) taking him to a buffet restaurant and being very frustrated with the kid not understanding how it worked. We took the kid and explained all the nuances of how a buffet works. It is amazing what they just don't get. Our next one will be with a new dentist.

Are you thinking of social stories?

I can relate. Maybe try teaching him life skills like how to make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, or practice making change at a store, or run through the multiplication tables with him. Do the best you can, be patient, give him time, be consistent. When I look backwards, the real learning and growth occurred over a long time in small, incremental steps.

I would suggest you be more direct.

Telling him a story about people he has never met, doing things he has never done, and then expecting him to extract the relevant information is apparently not working. You may need to directly tell your son how things relate. For example, you are probably telling stories like this:

When we were growing up, my sister did something ...

It ended up poorly because ...

The solution was to ...

And you expect him to compare it to his situation, recognize the similarities, try to avoid the mistakes listed made, and instead make the right choices. But that isnt working because he doesn't see the connection. As such, you may need to be more clear about the connection, as such:

When we were growing up, my sister did something ... You did a similar thing last week when ...

It ended up poorly because ... As such you probably shouldn't do what my sister did because that will end up poorly for you also ...

The solution was to ... As such, you should also try to do something similar, so you can have a good outcome.

Just like Tracker said. I think you stopped short. If you tell him the story, you also need to go as far as to tell him how it relates to his life specifically. You may even give him more than one example, especially if he has trouble with generalization. You also may have too many words. It may help to break it down more if that is the case. My son is younger than yours, but I know that I have to really limit how much I say. His attention span can be about a minute, or less depending on the day.

Social Stories are great. There is a book that teaches how to do that. This may be a better approach. He can learn, you just have to figure out how. He doesn't learn like NT's. Often, my son has to have a visual with an explanation. I have to show him everything. That's tough, especially when it's conceptual in nature and hard to make visual but you can do it!

My Mum used to role play with me, she'd pretend she was the shop keeper, I'd be the customer, or she'd pretend she was the school bully, and I'd practice standing up for myself. She worked very hard at it, and I think it paid off.

Yes, social stories I guess. I don't know how to explain it really because I've never really thought about it. It's like when you are sometimes watching a TV show, hearing someone's story and you think - I can relate to that, that happened to me or something like that. I feel like it is something we constantly do, oh that reminds me of when I...the time that I...and we learn from it.

This is exactly it, he doesn't make any connection but yes, I don't immediately tie it into anything. I should tie it into something and I also like the above advice on teaching life skills, like making a sandwich etc...he'll tend to want to make something using the blender and then it all becomes about the blender, moving it and plugging it in and trying different speeds and if we go shopping he'll fixate on pushing the shopping cart - I think I need to maybe focus on life skills and when we go out, maybe just pick up a basket and give him a task, like finding the best deal on something, make it a learning experience.

This role playing idea is good, someone else mentioned it as well. Like he is at a new school and they have assigned seats in the lunch room (it's a small school) and I guess the other boys won't talk to him and he doesn't know how to initiate a conversation. The role playing could be very good for that.

The whole elaborating more idea, well I never thought about it and I should have! I mean, to not just try to relate something, but to then explain to him how it may relate to his life. For example, I married a guy from Sweden (my ex-husband), ok we went through an awful international custody fight, even thought both kids were born here and only lived in Sweden for 11 months, to be brief, my husband filed for divorce in Sweden and they were proven residents of Sweden because they had lived there for 6 months! Ok, so I went through this horrible custody fight...so, I really have nothing against foreigners, but I said to my 2 kids who are NT, I said 'I would be real careful if you marry a foreigner' and before I could say more my daughter who is 6, said 'because you don't want what happened to you to happen to us'. It was the first time I had ever said such a thing, not something her mom always says kind of thing - but she knew where my thoughts were headed - and she related them to herself - and I am expecting my SS to understand where I am headed with subtle somewhat indirect scenarios...it makes sense now why I have been having troubles! I am still learning but I want to say 'thanks' for all the great advice!

that's a good idea. I did that with my son a few years ago just to make shopping with him tolerable. before I'd send him off, I'd tell him to compare the price per once to get the best deal and don't pick something more than $$, and pick something everyone (or a specific person if it's for a specific person's needs) likes (that one gets them paying attention to what other people care about). I reminded him about using manners, saying excuse me if he needed to get by someone, no running, and not to get in other people's way, then sent him off. he loved it and got good at it really fast.

Role playing has worked wonderfully for us to. Simple example, I taught my son proper phone etiquette with role playing. Best of luck!

Oh yeah I would have liked having tasks like that as a kid I think.