Ever get to a breaking point?

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Sorry, I am no fan of pathos, but there are days like today when I wonder if I am strong enough to be a parent of this kid. Half of everything in my house is broken, the school has refused to help us, he is home most days. My husband is getting distant because I know he didn't sign up for this, his real dad is an addict. I am an intelligent person, I know he can't help but be who he is, and he has so much he can offer. I just don't know if I have the strength to see it through. I can't stop crying tonight. I was supposed to see a concert tonight, but as always happens, he had a meltdown and I am here alone. I don't mean to sound sorry for myself, but I am running out of steam. Any words of wisdom?

No great words of wisdom other than (((hugs))), maybe if you describe some of the things that seem to cause the meltdowns or your school area other posters can help with tips that they have?

Other than that, hang in there, you're not alone

Peacenik: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uiCRZLr9oRw

Well, I am sorry but I am not very good at providing emotional support. However, if you would like to visualize me patting you on the back consolingly, that would be fine with me.

That being said, I am more of a practical person in that if there is a problem I try to fix it. Is your main problem that he has frequent meltdowns? We could probably help you out and give you some advice that would make things better for you and your son, but I am not sure what is going on.

I would love to help, but I am afraid I dont know what is going wrong.

I have four little guys, I have long ago figured out that I can't have anything that is mine that isn't broken.

You can do it, hang in there. Tell the husband that you need him for support and that you are trying very hard not to fall apart. That is part of the "husband" job, if you ask me.

My practical advise: 1)Start making a log of each meltdown. see if you can find out why it happened and see if it is something that is preventable. Try I don't know how old your little guy is or how verbal, you might need to play detective. 2) Take a bubble bath

Crying is catharsis. If you're brought to tears you haven't lost it, you're just recovering, which implies that you will have renewed strength.

How old's the kid? What kind of autism? A lot of autism can be classified as delays. Some things get better with age. Also, social skills and coping mechanisms can be learned/taught with time. I'm sure you've heard it all before...
I'm sure you can find ways to work and fix on problems and I'm sure you'll pull through. What convinces me is your first statement: "I'm no fan of pathos".

(((((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))) peacenik. Breaking points happen. Get it all out, release the frustration. Then pull it back together.

Odds are, your child isn't the problem. The school district that doesn't understand AS in the least is the problem. A world that doesn't understand your child is the problem. So, get mad at all those problem creators. Use that anger to create positive changes. To force them to see the gifts in your child, and to figure out how to maximize his potential. That is their JOB.

My house is a disaster, too. My son is a pacer and a toucher and .... well, we've given up on having nice things. Who needs them, really? A home should be lived in. And, well, ours is. One adapts. Do I sometimes look at a nice place and feel that it would be nice to live there? Yes, of course I do. But then I think about dusting all that stuff, or worrying about it, or all the other things the money could have been used for and I get over it.

Would it be possible for you to homeschool? Sorry, I can't remember what you've said on that. It could turn things for your family, if it would be the right answer for you. Some kids re-integrate after having that breathing room. Other families fall in love with it. Either way, I've seen the option do quite well at the right time with the right people.

There are always options and choices. I know it gets very, very hard to see them. Don't close anything off, and don't let the energy you've expended in any one direction make you feel committed to that path. Give yourself a good release so that you clean the slate. Vent all you need to here. And take care of yourself.

Hey,
You all are life savers. It was so nice that nice to have somewhere to direct my frustration and sadness. The support meant a lot, and as is usually the case, the light of day made much seem better.

Had IEP meeting today that I had been dreading, and it wasn't perfect, but progress was made.

Thanks again!

I often wonder if there is anyone else (but me) that thinks they may not have the strength to be this child's parent. But in some of our cases, there is no one else. We are all they've got.
We remind ourselves that they are as frustrated as we are or even more.
We pep talk them through every day and every lousy situation, try hard to get them to go to school even as it breaks our heart because they hate it. We stand by their side through depression and meltdowns, anxiety and anger, because we have to. And we want to. But sometimes we need a break, need some help.
Sometimes there is no break. So we drag ourselves through our own depression and disappointment. We do it because we must. They need us.
Thank God they often give us so much joy. But it is hard. We are not alone as we have learned while we look for support.
Someday I dream about what it will be like to just be me, instead of Mom. But that's my job for now. So thankful to be his mom.

very well said.

I've been called nasty things and blamed for my son's bad behavior. it's made me isolate more, and I didn't know the magic words "IEP" so the school kept refusing to help. things are much better with a couple of years of behavioral classroom help, and now I no longer have the constant dread of phone calls like I did before the IEP, because they could just suspend him and send him home instead of helping him. now they have to work with him instead of rewarding bad behavior by giving him a vacation (and me a nervous breakdown).

I knew I was the only one who was going to advocate for my son, so I kept doing it even though the rest of my life suffered and it's paid off. my son will always have social issues and will always be an oddball, but now we can approach education proactively instead of reactively and I encourage his special interests instead of worrying about him being too obsessive.

today is my daughter's IEP. her teacher is already accommodating her so things are far, far better than they were with her nazi second grade teacher and my daughter is back to loving school, but I'm hoping today's meeting will get her into a better learning groove for what she's capable of (i.e. forget learning cursive, put her on a computer).

I dream of waking up in the morning and just thinking about what I want/need for the day, and that day will come. in the meantime, I say to myself what I always say to my ex (although he doesn't understand) which is that we have one chance to raise our kids.