question for all aspie mums

Post Reply New Topic

Does anyone else dread collecting their children from school. Not because of their children! but the other mums, and the need for random chit chat? I find every day the whole collecting from school situation a real pain, I dread it every time because I never know what to say and the eye contact thing, i REALLY STRUGGLE WITH. I dont want to appear rude, but I never know whether or who to smile at when I walk past some of the mums. but I end up only speaking to a couple of other mums who seem a bit like me. Some of the mums are really gossippy and I cant bare that, so I tend to try and avoid them, but I wondered if anyone else found this a problem too.

Yeah, it freaks me out too. I say hi if the other moms say hi to me, but most of the time I'm just in and out as quickly as possible, pretending to be in a hurry to get home.

Thank god- it feels better when you know somebody else has the same problem. I am quite social, but to be honest, I dont click with most nt women, I find them very difficult to read, and the school gates are full of them, its as if they know im different and they look at me strange. I would say all my freinds are probably on the spectrum, and most of their partners too. My best freind says she often stands alone now because she has the same problem. Funny isn't it.

What I hate is the part where other ladies say Hi and talk to you and you have no idea where you know them from. The whole game of smiling awkwardly, trying too place them, etc...is so agonizing.

I dread it too. I guess that is why i make sure i get there as soon as the bell rings. My son is usually out before my daughter, so he comes straight to me and talks to me. Then my daughter comes out and we three are too chit chatty to notice any parents period! lol! Sad, i know, but it works for me! I hate getting there even one minute early!

Mine either ride the bus home or I pick them up in the car riders line in the back of the school. When the oldest was younger I'd sometimes go in and get him, even though there was the car line. I'd HATE having to go in and do that. I wouldn't mind talking to the other moms if I thought they were REALLY being nice to me, but I always felt like they were judging me or something. Why, I don't know. I don't look any different from them, but I felt like it.

What I learned to do when I have to go into a group of people to do something and theres that CHIT CHAT threat, I walk very fast, look straight ahead, keep glancing at my watch, and when somebody speaks or catches your eye, just smile, answer and add on to it "I'm really in a hurry, I wish they could come on" or something like that.

PaganMom

My baby not in school yet but I am dreading this! And also dreading the part where I help make playdates for her etc. So scared of it,..

I had to pick Alex up when he was in pre-k and I had to walk Jake and Alex to and from school when the kids went to a DOD school I hated it. I was 19 when I had my oldest so I was almost always the youngest mom and I'm small so I guess I looked young I'd get all kinds of rude questions about my age. I also never knew what to wear when alex was in kindergarden/ pre-k it was ethier a fashion show or they showed up in PJs, my jeans and t-shirt mom look never fit. Anyway it sucked my sister hates it too with her little boy being under 5ft tall and big chested the dads get flirty and the other moms get pissy with her.

Its interesting because this topic has come up before but I've still never really focused on the possibility of AS mom's at the school. There was one mother I knew was AS because our children were diagnosed within a year of each other, and we talked about that whole genetic / looking at yourself thing, except that I felt I had a few parts but not all, and she felt she had it full on. She rarely attended school events but I did make a point of saying hi to her when she did. Her and I have very different interests so it was always difficult to know what to talk to her about, but I was alwasy genuinely pleased to see her, she is one of those people who has a heart of gold and you just know it.

One thing she did and really enjoyed was volunteer to run the book fair. She had library training and was an amazing resource for the kids, and she loved doing it. That was such a huge contribution to the school, and everyone loved her for it. I think she did know it was appreciated, even if it didn't make the whole social thing any easier for her. Still, I think it helped her know how and where she fit in. So if you have a skill that can be applied for the benefit of the school, and do so, I wonder if that could make one feel more comfortable?

I'm NT, but apparently just Aspie enough to also hate this sort of thing. My oldest is ten years older than my youngest, who is 13, so I've been doing this "dropping off at school" thing for a long time -- and I've NEVER enjoyed it. Never enjoyed the chit chat, never enjoyed the gossip, never enjoyed the "keeping up with the Joneses" that occurs in our neighborhood. Now, mind you, I sure enjoy visiting with the Moms that are more quiet, less social, less "climbing the social ladder". That's not a problem. But all the other stuff . . . yuck.

This is the last year, EVER, that I will have to do this stuff. The last year having to "socialize" at the bus stop. After this, my son will be catching the bus on his own, and he actually likes it (amazingly enough). I am SO HAPPY to not have to do this any more. I remember being REALLY happy to not have to go to the elementary school any more, because that was where the lion's share of the socializing seemed to go on. Gosh, I hated that.

So, yes, you are in a rather large group of other people who hate dropping off their children at school because you have to socialize with the other parents.

Yeap a DOD school is a department of defense school it's were kids with parents that are stationed oversea if they go with. They are strange and not the place for a kid with any disablity they don't have to follow the same laws as state side schools so the hoops are bigger that you have to jump threw and alot of times you got to know somebody to get anything done.

Totally felt this way too. It was something i dreaded everyday when my sons were younger (now they are in Grade 4 and I just drop them and go, rarely having to interact with other parents). I always felt sooo awkward, never knew how friendly to be, what topics were appropriate, the whole eye contact game...blech. I can usually make a good first impression, but over time it seems to deteriorate (my oddness comes through, I guess). And as usual, the blank looks from the other moms telling me I had somehow misstepped, but no idea how I did, or how to correct it.

Oh yes-I can't stand waiting at the bus stop twice a day trying to make small talk. By the end of the school year, I've had it. I hate standing there in silence, but I also have a hard time thinking up stuff that they would want to talk about.

Since my back surgery my husband has been dropping off and my older daughter is picking up. Before that I just sort of avoid people and pay attention to my daughter. I dont make eye contact and I stim a lot which I think keeps people away from me. One thing that I notice is that I have a certain place that I stand to wait for my daughter to come out and if someone else is standing there I get very anxious. At least I have enough control not to tell them that they are standing in my spot LOL.
I do hate it when people talk to me out of the blue though because I typically prepare myself for "typical" small talk when I know its coming but when I dont I usually stumble around my words and look like a moron. I dont crave small talk or need it....so I stay aloof. We are moving to France this next year (my husband is French) and Im kind of excited about it....I know it sounds nuts but Im excited because I speak very little French it gives me more of an excuse not to engage in small talk ~.