I so need help with my 16 year old aspe!! !! !! !! !! !! !! !

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Hello I am a mother of a 16 year old aspe. I really need some input on how to help him. we are having problems with him in school sleeping. If it doesnt intrest him he will go to sleep in class and refuses to wake up . He slept through a test yesterday. and it follows into the home situation. he will not do what he is told the majority of the time and has no intrest in personal hygene. and his room is horrible. now when it comes to video games and the computer he is totally there..... and japanese anime . To be totally honest I am at my wits end . i have tried taking away the computer and the games and he still doesnt do anything.He is so smart in his other classes he has a's and b's so i know he can do the work . it is jut no cognitive reasoning at all. please help
Kem

Does he take medicine? If he doesn't, maybe the doctor can prescribe him an amphetamine. Those are used for ADD anyway which is a comorbid disorder that he may also have.

Last edited by alex on 26 Jan 2006, 3:31 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Sounds sooooooo familiar I thought you were talking about my son...He's 17 and is better now but when he was 15-16 oh brother....
First is he taking medication I know with my son that made him sleepy until we changed his meds.
Does he have a para in the room that can keep him on task.
His hygiene finally is better and that took a dollar a day no reminders---no money if he didn't take it it started slow and when he wanted to rent a game or buy something I would count the dollar signs and tell him ok or you don't have enough and it finally clicked (a month later) that he could make an easy $7 a week for just taking a shower. Now the room issue, he's pretty good with I never really dealt with anything except for him making his bed. But I pick my fights with him now and that's not that important right now.
I know there are alot of other parents that will give you good advise so hang in there. Time does help and they do get on task with maturity it just takes alot of time.

(((hugs))) to you I know its hard.
A

who cares about a little mess. need i remind you that hygine isnt a trait of asperger. i dont really see what the problem is here, other than you wanting perfect sons, which you can't have. its normal to slack off at school and at home, its called beeing a teenager.
dont give him meds though, if he isnt seriously depressed or anxious, thats what i think........

Hello. You have two problems here; one he's a teenager, and two he's an aspie. I expect it's very hard to tell which problems are symptoms of which condition; maybe it's a mixture. I'm also not sure which disorder is worse for you to deal with ;p

If he's sleeping in class he's probably doing something else at night, like playing on the computer, without you knowing. It's very odd behaviour, he probably knows it's odd; he might not even be sleeping, but pretending to sleep so he doesn't have to deal with other people in his class? Just guesses.

I remember years ago when my parents took my computer from me, and suddenly expected me to be normal. The computer probably isn't the problem. At that age I was very depressed and just wanted to be alone and my computer was my only friend. That was years ago and I didn't know anything about Autism or Aspergers and noone knew what to do with me. Things only started to look better for me when I started a job.

My thoughts exactly Berta, one thing parents of aspies tend to do is to make it out to be every trait their child has relates to aspergers. When I was High School i saw alot of my peers who didn't have an ASD sleep in class. It's not that abnormal. If the child gets a and b's whats their to worry about?

As far the hygiene thing goes, I don't know what to say about that. It might have something to do with laziness or being insensitive to how others perceive,which can be kind of a good thing.


I am so glad to see some parents here supporting each other in their never ending conquest for a "normal" or even perfect child.

I sympathize with your situation, believe me. I had ADD as a kid and drove my parents nuts.

Two things I'm not clear on: Which subjects is he getting A's and B's in? And which subject(s) is he not interested in? It could be simply that the teacher is lousy or doesn't present the material in an interesting fashion and your kid is bored from lack of stimulation, which means he probably doesn't have AS or ADD.

I would hesitate before prescribing an amphetamine, such as Ritalin. That is contraindicated in most cases. There are other forms of therapy that are non-drug related and non-invasive, such as behavior modification and talking to him about why he finds some classes boring.

Most adolescents have messy rooms, whether they are neurologically atypical or not.

Please don't take the computer away from him again! It is more than a plaything; it is a tool through which he can relate to the outside world. You will only cause more harm than good if you do this. Sorry to be so blunt, but I've seen so many parents do stuff like this and it always causes more problems than it solves.

On the room part - my oldest (dx ADHD) would not keep his room clean. Absolutely no way. Period. Take away things like friends over - no can do until room is presentable. Nope, didn't care! I chose then to pick my battles and just shut the door (imagine my surprise one summer when I found a stash of third grade homework - he obviously never did a bit of homework and just hid it).

He's almost 30 now and a practicing CPA. We once lived near each other and he got the flu. He was so sick he couldn't hardly call in sick. When he did call me for soup, he wouldn't let me in the door.

Why?

His apartment was a mess - they do learn by example. I tried to keep a clean house and teach by example. He did learn, it just took a decade or two.

In other words - pick your battles. Is it really that important that his room is clean?

Now, if he wants you to find something - well, that's a different story. I tell my kids, "It's right where you left it - go figure out where that is."

poor hygiene is often a sign of depression~ my 14 year old son has gone through periods of time when he refused to bathe...his teacher finally brought up hygiene to the whole class, and they discussed personal hygiene. so far, it's working and he's bathing again. not sleeping and/or sleeping too much are also signs of depression. check into his meds, too...it's possible they're either making him too sleepy,or conversely too awake when he needs to be sleeping. son has had many problems with sleep~ the less he gets, the crabbier he gets . son is still not really good at telling when his sleep pattern has changed and that he's not getting enough sleep ~ hope this will change soon

Oh, yeah, punishment doesn't teach these kids anything positive. It just teaches them that it's okay to deprive others.

Stay calm, explain like you've never explained before (not lecturing, just explaing how A+B=C).

In another post I realized us NTs don't use all the words when we speak - Aspies need to know why A+B=C - not a lecture, just an explanation.

For example, you'd be able to use the computer sooner and for longer if you did ____ first. The longer it takes you to do this, the less time you'll have for __________.

I really appreciate the input .. to answer alex my ales is on zyprexa 5 mg,1 tab nightly and trileptal 600 mg taken twice a day. i have been around the world and back trying to help my alex. im sorry i cannot agree with some good folks.. this is way more than teenage issues. amd please do not be afraid of taking medications if they can help you. that is what they were designed to do. now i didnt see what i was doing taking the games and computer away, that is a very good point thanks.. . and the issue of hygiene is a issue for autistic spectrum patients and on alexes case it is bad. he wont wipe after bowel movements or clean hisself in front when i make him take a shower. short of diapers for adults i do not know what to do. thanks for the ear and i know to break everything down even to the explaining on a 8 year old level . i have been doing that for the past three years since we got the diagnosis. i am making an apointment for his dr to see about how we can[ him with the sleep issue. on the grade issue it is everything except pre algebra he is great in math but this class doest intrest him. and the same for civics. i am going for an iep tomorrow to get a new game plan. what i was trying to show him with basic chores is to teang and prepare him for when i wont be around to help clean and pick up for him you know basic responsibility.
kem

You might talk to Alex's doctor about not giving so much Trileptal all at once in the morning and giving 300mg in the morning, then 300mg in the middle of the day and then 600mg at night because it might be making him sleepy at school when things are not interesting enough to keep him awake. The school could give him the middle dose with a form from the doctor, or you could give it right after school, if that is acceptable to the doctor.

As for the bathing issue, maybe if he took baths instead of showers it might help him get his private parts cleaner with less effort on his part. Maybe you could make bathing part of his routine so he always bathes at the same time every day. That helps with my daughter, but she is not a teenager yet. As for the cleaning bottom after BM issue, he might be trying but not quite succeeding, if you know what I mean. If so, you might make some wet wipes available so he can use them to clean his bottom. They do a better job than dry toilet paper, I think. I had to teach my daughter to look at the toilet paper after she uses it and to keep trying until it is clean, but she uses enough toilet paper to clog the toilet and it still is not clean, so the wipes help her get clean using less than half a roll of toilet paper. As for the messy room issue, if you figure that one out, please let me know.

hi i am kems son.i will tell the truth right hear.i sleep in 1'st peiod becuse i can't even sleep at night at all(heak i stayed up all day and night on cristmas eve and u can ask her).now i got a F in algrbra(the class i sleep in)and i try 2 sleep at night but my body and mind is rageing a war on its self.70%is going for playing on computer when every 1 asleep,20%is go 2 sleep,and 10%is saying 2 read a book all night long.btw i just whandering something.i have ben rocking back and forered over and over and i do not know why.can some 1 tell me why i do this rocking .btw nice 2 meet ya all.

I assume you mean that "bad hygiene" isn't a stereotypical problem among Aspies. I know *I* certainly had a problem with it when I was younger. There were two Aspie traits that combined to cause my problem: (1) poor time management (due to an executive function problem) meant that I was often late getting ready for school or work in the morning, and skipping the shower and not brushing my teeth after breakfast were seen as easy ways to make up time; (2) I had no appreciation for how my appearance or smell was affecting people because I missed the subtle body language or verbal hints and most people are too polite to say anything directly. I only cleaned up my act (pardon the pun) after I lost a job and the boss told me explicitly I was being fired because of chronic bad hygiene.

Many parenting boards I see are supportive to a fault. We tend to be more practical.

To post here takes guts as parents are willing to expose their parenting shortcomings to get real answers, not pats on the back about how hard parenting an Aspie can be or what a good job they are doing given what they have to work with. Lets not drive people away when we have the oportunity to educate and help.

If my son needs to hear he smells, I'd perfer it come from me, in a supportive and loving way, then a cruel co-worker or a EX-boss.

Anyway, back on topic.

creater20225,
When's the last time you had a med check. It really sounds like it might be time for an adjustment. Also, most 16 years old have trouble with morning classes...just not to this extent...so don't let the doctor blow you off. Make sure you stress what an issue it is.

Do you have an IEP in place? Can your schedule be changed so you start the day later? Maybe you can do the math at night in a self guidented style or take an evening class at a community college or adults GED setting or on-line. There are always options, one just needs to find them.

What do you think the issue is with hygene? With my son, he simply forgets it. We got him a calendar and he schedules baths. Whatever works, huh?

BeeBee

creater 20225:

I first want to say "Don't give up." I know it's hard. Having ADD nearly drove me and my parents nuts. But your Mom loves you--so much so that she's reaching out to anyone she can think of for help. That's what loving parents do.

I had lots of trouble with math, too--I had to repeat Algebra and Geometry. Is it that it's boring or you just have trouble? Either way, a tutor might be helpful.

Sometimes if you can't sleep, you can try melatonin or valerian root. You can find info about them on the internet. They are pretty safe and both are natural. If I really can't get to sleep on my own, that's what I do. If you lie in bed for 30 minutes and haven't fallen asleep, then you need to do something else for a while--drink herbal tea, read a book or go on the computer until you do feel sleepy.

Hope you keep coming back!