Father/Son, Mother/Daughter relations within ASD Families
PlatedDrake
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Joined: 25 Aug 2009
Age: 44
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Location: Piedmont Region, NC, USA
Hello everyone. While I am single, i do have a question for ASD families. While growing up, Ive always had an issue with my father (since learning of AS, he shows traits similar to it), but i was wondering: Have any parents in here that are in the ASD have issues with their ASD child(ren)? For example, my father and I are definitely at odds when it comes to things, like one hell of a barrier in the way due to interests and whatnot (for instance, he is a computer programmer, but i cant stand programming. I play games, he doesnt, etc). It got so bad that i had pretty much convinced myself that my father viewed me as nothing more than the family disappointment (still trying to figure that one out to this day actually). Take note, however, that this was prior to me finding out i was in the spectrum, and he still pulls this stunt to a lesser degree (making my mother mad at the same time). Anyone else seem to have this kind of parent/child issue with ASD in the household?
As an adult with Aspergers, I can say that I didn't see this in my own family, I worshipped both my parents.
But I immagine that there are plenty of NT families with the same problem. Maybe it is just one of those things that happens when people have different interrests?
Just a guess.
My AS husband and I react with our AS son each a little differently. I think it helps that we are all aware of the AS, for as barriers arise, we sit back and say, "oh, maybe that has something to do with the AS," instead of assuming its some insurmountable personality difference. We're all always trying to find the middle.
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Mom to an amazing young adult AS son, plus an also amazing non-AS daughter. Most likely part of the "Broader Autism Phenotype" (some traits).
Hi there
I am the only non ASD member of an ASD household and we all have some things in common but where as I am happy to see them go about things their own way they all react to my things differently. My husband likes me to do the same things as him and views anything else as a bit of a time waster, my son is enthralled and very interested when I do something different to him almost as if I am a really interesting science experiment lol. My daughter is fine for me to do and like my own things but NEEDS for me to say that I like the things she does and how she does them ( there is no agreeing to disagree with her).
Long story short ASD or not they are all particular in very unique ways and I think of them as living in this universe within the bubble of their own universe. In relating to each other they are very blunt and it makes me cringe at times but it is just there way. Sometimes I can feel as though we are worlds apart with our interests, likes and dislikes but at the end of the day we have the biggest interest of all in common and that is our love for each other. To say that though I have had to learn that each of us show our love in very different ways. Maybe that could be the case with your Dad?
I think ( and I am only guessing from experience here ) that for people with ASD traits ,grand gestures of love are not to be found but it is a case of little things that count ( offers of a cold drink, a pillow offered, the last chocolate offered etc etc) and the little things are in great numbers but sometimes you have to look for them to realise they are there
PlatedDrake
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Joined: 25 Aug 2009
Age: 44
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,365
Location: Piedmont Region, NC, USA
Well, my father and i have been at odds for as long as i can remember, and some of his bad habits he got from his step father, but still . . . as far as i could tell he never wanted to understand me. When my brothers and i would play our card game, he would deliberately step in and mess up the play area and we were pissed whenever he did this. Yet, he expected us to come outside and help with the cars (which none of us liked doing at all). To this day, i still have low-no respect for him and its almost reached the breaking point (im not one to take things out on others, but he does when stressed).
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I'm a man of too many thoughts and not enough words to express them.
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