New here -- 3-year-old with possible ASD

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Hi, I'm new here! My preschool-age son most likely has either AS or 'high functioning' autism. Either that or sensory issues, speech delay, OCD, vocal tic, poor motor coordination, and a disinclination to socialize outside his family or engage in pretend play (is that even likely outside the spectrum?). There are frequent epic meltdowns, usually about clothes or change in routine or things that don't 'belong' in his room. He often responds to a question by repeating the question. The last syllable in most sentences, he repeats three times. Most sentences involve trains or diggers. My GP has finally acknowledged that my son's development is not on trend with your average preschooler's. We're awaiting a call from the pediatrician to schedule an assessment. Since he has only recently begun using short sentences and communicating his needs, I'm not even sure it is AS.

As far as therapy, I don't want a negative experience that will make him feel 'not good enough.' We just want to equip him to be able to do whatever he wants in life. He stares at my daughter's preschool class as if he's longing to join in, but doesn't know how or something's holding him in the doorway. He just turned 3 and it's a lovely small Montessori class with a very kind teacher and a strict bullying policy. I'd love to send him when he's potty-trained, but he is so terrified of new things. I'd love to figure out how to empower him. Anyone with experience (parent or child) please share!

Hi, Hethera, and welcome!

My son was diagnosed with Asperger's earlier this year, at 7 years old. We're in Scotland and his school, the educational psychologist, speech and language therapist and ASD specialist SLTs have all, without exception, been very helpful, informative, attentive and positive about my son. What you say in the line I've quoted here is pretty much the attitude all those professionals have taken to my son and his prospects in life.

It looks like you may be at the beginning of the assessment process, and I found that despite all the positivity I did feel a bit down when I had to complete questionnaires detailing the ways in which my son struggled, and outlining his difficulties. However, the attitude which came across very strongly was that he has many strengths and it is those strengths which will be encouraged and developed to address his areas of weakness.

Listen to your son, observe how he reacts and behaves in different settings and be prepared to think very creatively about how he is affected by his environment. He may be frightened or overwhelmed by things that you wouldn't normally think of, and which can be fairly easily controlled or eliminated, making him less fearful and anxious.

The Montessori nursery class that you describe sounds ideal. It may be that he could attend for short periods initially, or be allowed to play on his own while the other children take part in group actitivities and to join in if he choses. My son went from a very busy, noisy nursery when he was 4 years old to a smaller one, with a very structured day, different rooms for different activities, and outside space where he was allowed to dig as many holes in the ground as he wanted - and he absolutely loved it!

Be guided by your son, and enjoy!

Thanks, Marcia! Yes, we are at the VERY beginning of the process. Since I've been watching DS for symptoms since he started showing them around 16 months, I don't expect the questionnaires to bother me too much. He has delays and things that make his life a bit complicated, but he's a delightful kid and like you suggested, we just want to identify and reduce stressors. Like when he outgrows shoes, we buy an identical pair in the next size up and replace the old ones at night. (Luckily he's not on to us yet, LOL!) Next goal -- getting to where he will agree to wear a coat! (It's cold here in Canada, and he won't even do a hoodie or sweater! We've only got so long until someone calls CPS!))

As for the school, I think he will love the structure! I bring him every day when I drop off DD and he is really warming to the teacher (not so much the kids yet, although they like him). She suggested we start off with just an hour, and that I stay. He gets more comfortable every week (we started the year with him screaming when we entered the school and lying down crying outside the classroom for the entire time I got DD situated, and now he will go in if we're the first people there and explore the toys, yay!). With any luck he can join in while big sister is still in his class, which will make him SO much more at ease.

It sounds to me like you are already doing the single most important thing, as far as I'm concerned: observe and know your child, and to the extent possible model his world accordingly. These should be his free years, to be who he is, before he has to learn to fit into societal structures like school. Reduce stresses (which may not always be immediately connected, the reaction could be delayed, and may be things he is attracted to but can't really handle) and give him the freedom to pursue what interests him, no matter how unusual or quirky.

in the particular diagnosis- be it autism or asperger's syndrome, the core deficits/differences are the same, more or less. The ASD brain is typically very overly sensitive to sensory perceptions (but not always), rule-based behaviors (schedules staying the same, predictability, inflexibility), seeing the parts before or instead of the whole), tendency to process visuals much better than verbal, and obsessions and/or repetitive behaviors. There are negative sides to these characteristics but also positives. Therapies such as ABA, Structured Teaching, and Social Stories all have been designed to build on the positives while supporting them in their deficit areas. Start with the visual supports to make his life more predictable that way. Visit my website for a collection of references about this, and pm me if you have any questions. I cannot stress the importance of visual supports in all aspects of the person's life. For example, I was undiagnosed (still am) and still wondering why I was so different as an honors student in college. Why would I need interventions or strategies to cope? I had trouble adjusting to college because every day essentially looks different. It sounds weird, but I've even had nightmares thinking back about that lack of predictability and it's been over 10 years. When I started making a weekly schedule and checked off things when they were over, I found my stress level go down. I worried incessantly about whether I was studying enough, then I read that it is recommended to study at least 2 hours for every hour in class. So I made tick marks for each class to show how many hours to study. I then scheduled my week by the hour to ensure I met my "quota." It sounds like overkill but it lessened my anxiety immensely.

Now, I was a young adult with basic communication skills intact. Imagine being 3 and just now gaining phrase speech and basic sentences? That's likely why you see the tantrums. Trust me, the more you investigate and use visual supports, the less frustration your child will have.

http://specialneedsresources.net/visual.aspx