Advocating at school & dealing with aggression?

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I feel like I'm at a loss right now. The school will make very little accomodations until we have a firm dx (testing is March 20) but DS's aggression factor is building. We got the SID dx on Monday and I'm waiting for the official report from the OT to give to the school. Last night his teacher called me at home to tell about some things that are going on with him. We had what I thought was a positive and thorough discussion regarding things that work well with DS and how she should handle him.

I made it very clear that she should NOT touch him when he is overwhelmed or if his anxiety is building because the touch is physically painful for him. She understands and that brings us to today. They're in the library and DS is flapping his hands constantly and running around. He has told her how much he doesn't like the library. Then he picks out two books and since the books are in his hands, he's flapping those too. She told him to stop, he didn't (he gets into his zone, he doesn't hear) so she restrained him (he said she grabbed him around the stomach) and then he bit her.

So now he's not allowed back to school until friday. It doesn't surprise me at all that that was his reaction. I'm not condoning it but I think restrainging under these circumstances was a bit harsh. I explained to her yesterday that if she touches him when he's in that kind of headspace it will *always* escalate. How do I help them to understand that there are other steps they can take to help calm him down instead of going from talking to grabbing so suddenly? Although DS and I have talked that its not okay to bite and he understands the consequence (he felt nauseous all the way home because of what he did) I don't think they get that he can't think clearly in the heat of the moment. And we have to get through to the end of March before I get anything in writing in the form that they want it in. Every day he goes to school I feel like I'm constantly holding my breath.

Hello,

My lovely boy is 5 and sounds so like yours.

It's such a struggle to find the time to do it, but, when we can, we tell people what works best. Pretty much what you were saying about not touching. I think it's poor practice and an example of poor control techniques to touch any child this way.

But you know, people who work with our kids for a short period of time probably find it so difficult because we know our kids so well and they don't spend enough time with them to "get it" like we do. We have no choice but to be with them most of the time because others just would not cope because they don't understand.

I hope you can build a better relationship with his teacher and I do know that, with time, she will come to "get it". I hope this happens sooner rather than later.

hi cg...*hugs* to you and your little guy. darn...i feel for you both. what an awful situation to be in, where a professional won't listen to your advice and take heed. it's definitely not your fault nor is it the fault of your son. when you explain your situation to someone in that position, it's her resposiblity to listen and try to accomodate, even if the written results of the eval. are still pending. i also have to agree that being 'restrained' is an awfully harsh way to handle ANY child's outbursts. no one likes to be handled like that...i can't imagine what a child w/ AS/SID would feel. we have a 'hands off' policy at our schools where the kids cannot under any circumstances touch another child...even if it's their friend. why wouldn't that apply to adults/teachers?...i would think they would have the same kind of policy with handling children, otherwise they might be accused as abusive...or if the touch is 'nice', it might be taken as sexual? i think the teacher was way out of line.

have you spoken with the principal? how about the school counselor or psychologist? maybe if you talk to the school psychologist or someone like that, they will have more knowledge of his diagnosis...and if they don't they might take the time to research it out a bit to learn about it. if they have any clue as to what life is like with a SID/AS child, they will take your advice and try to accomodate in some way until they get the written eval. it's for your son's safety and well being, and also for the other students too.

one other suggestion, when we were waiting for E's OT eval to get to our school...the psychologist and principal actually talked to our OT on the phone so they had some idea of what to do for E. it helped a lot to not have to actually wait until we had the written form in hand. we live in a very rural town, so i don't know if that makes a difference on how things are handled.
good luck to you...hope things get better soon!

Hugs for you and yours, Goddess.

That is so frustrating! Here in the US we don't need an offer dx to get services (although it makes it easier). Your laws must be different.

I really like the idea of having the doc call the principal AND the teacher. Do you think they would be open to that idea?

BeeBee

*hugs*
first, i want to ask your son, " how did the teacher taste ?" Seriously, though, biting is a serious issue to be dealt with. i can't help but feel that the teacher used poor judgment in trying to restrain a child who is clearly in such a highly anxious state. back to the nuts and bolts, though...can you get to the school with what you have now ? will they not accept even a partial dx ???
how terribly frustrating !

if he doesnt have one already, he needs a behavior support plan that clearly outlines what steps to take when he is having a difficult time. the goal of the b.s.p. should be to avoid tragic consequences by "nipping them in the bud". from my experience, my son's old school had no clue how to write a bsp~i ended up helping them....there still is the matter, though of whether or not they'll actually follow it. ( my son's old school followed his about 25% of the time ).
with my students , we use simple visuals that most people could comprehend. One bsp,for example, is a ladder ~ for each positive day S has(no/very few incidents), his "man" climbs up the ladder...for each Horrible day S has ( has to be pretty, darn bad), his "man" climbs down the ladder. once he reaches the top of the ladder, he can pick a prize out of the prize box. now that S has the hang of it, I can simply remind him " up the ladder or down the ladder?" and it is usually enough for him to reign in his emotions and get back on task.
certainly, this bsp is made for this individual....hopefully it might give you ideas as to how to pursue matters.
*hugs again*

Thanks for the support gang. It's been a hectic couple of days. I've been in touch with DS's psychotherapist and his OT regarding how best to handle the situation and they've been fabulous. The OT is writing up a formal report to advocate for him and offer proactive ideas about how best to handle his anxiety and nip it in the bud before he feels out of control. He has a severe case of SID so there are several triggers that can set him off.

sunsetsoftie ~ I've been in touch with the principal and she's comes across as nice as first but then I realized she was more condescending if anything. We had a meeting with her 3 weeks ago and it was supposed to be her, the teacher, the Sp Ed teacher, and myself talking about what his issues are and how best to help him. I had a funny feeling so I brought two of his therapy team members to advocate for him. Turns out her idea was to have the Sp Ed teacher just takes the minutes of the meeting and try to convince us to leave with him in tow because he's too difficult and legally they don't have to make any accomodations until they have a firm diagnosis. Even when we get a diagnosis from our medical team, it has to be approved by THEIR board of ed psychologist before they have to make accomodations. That burns me up to no end. If their psych doesn't agree with the neuropsych that we see, then he can say no and we have a fight on our hands.

Their board psych's are not available for evals until mid April and then there's a wait list. So we decided to take the risk and go private. If the dx does is infact come back as AS (which anyone who deals with him is about 99% sure it will) then we're going to try and get him into the AS class in another school.

BeeBee ~ The OT who has done the SID dx is going to write a formal report. I would rather she put it in writing so that no one can disput what was said, kwim? His psychotherapist who has been seeing him for 7 mos for anxiety has had a meeting with the principal already.

ster ~ They'll do nothing until a full dx. Not even a b.s.p. I'm hoping that the OT will have some weight to throw around in all of this. She included some outlines of a pictoral b.s.p which we're going to try and sneak in with my letter to the principal without the formal paperwork and see if they'll accept it. They won't do an IEP, a bsp, or put him on the list for an EA until the dx comes back.

It's just all so frustrating because DS is constantly left to fend for himself and every time he has another meltdown and they call me to come and get him (which upsets him even more because he doesn't want to come home, he just can't understand why he knows the rules when he talks but his body doesn't cooperate in the heat of the moment. He really beats himself up over it.) it chips away at his self esteem.

I completely agree that phone calls to the teacher AND the principal are called for. It would do them good to have the Doctor explain what all this is about. It's absurd that they won't accept the facts without an official dx.

And I also remember my son, who at the age of four was physically restrained by his teacher so he wouldn't walk out from a morning gathering with lots of kids and the teacher. He couldn't cope with all the people and the noise, and simply wanted to find a quiet little corner somewhere... He panicked and bit her. Hard.

Later, the principal wouldn't listen to us when we tried to explain why restraining a little kid is *never* a good idea, so I felt like biting him. Instead I simply walked out from the meeting, furious.



At the time, we had no idea there was something called Asperger Syndrome, btw. We only knew that you don't do that to a little boy who was terrified.

That is so very true.

We ended up deciding to pull DS from school until Tuesday so we have a chance to make some decisions and put them in writing. In the meantime we're going to put together a letter which outlines what he has, more proactive ways to handle his transistions in the classroom and his anxiety, ideas from his OT on handling anxiety and some articles she included that she often sends to schools and our overall feeling on why its important that DS is treated with some sensitivity. His therapist wants to make it clear to them that if they continue this pattern with him they will further his trauma. He has a therapy appt Monday PM so I'm going to go over the letter with his therapy team and then send it to the principal and CC it to his teacher, his therapist, and the superintendant of Special Ed. If we have it all in writing we can set up a paper trail. I highly doubt he'll be at this school next year.

If possible I'm going to try and get him into an AS class in another school for next September.

This is what we've done. It's working out great so far, but it's only been a little more than a month. But he sleeps better, eats better, and invited a friend here today.