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I have a 7 yo dtr that was diagnosed with AS at age 5. When we first got the diagnoses, I was thrilled because it finally explained why she was so different and hard to understand emotionally. She developed to a large scale "on time" for everything except social skills (and some hand-eye). SHe does very well in school, except in math, but even that isn't too bad. She does not make friends, she forces them to be her friend, which we all know doesn't work. She has difficulty understanding why she can't have something or do something that she wants right now. She has no concept of personal space or inappropriate touching of strangers. She has no fear except irrational ones. She is so imaginative and wonderfully entertaining. Her need for everything to be in order is a bit daunting, but she is able to cope if things aren't exact sometimes. While I know all of this is indicative of AS, I am still having a hard time accepting the diagnoses. I like that it explains everything, but I am so used to "fixing" everything and making things better for the family, when she has her regressions, I have a hard time remembering to be patient. I have AS as well, diagnosed when my dtr was. I guess the clash of her need to have things and not understand and my same problems are creating a bit of a chaotic situation. Worst of all, I think that because of my frustration and lack of empathy towards her is causing it to get worse. SHe is making less and less progress, actually regressing more these days. I want so bad to understand and remember that she needs direction in a different way and things like that, but I forget it when the times get irrational or heated. I am beginning to feel like a failure as a mom, because I can't seem to get it together like other moms. I should be able to read my kids better and foresee what to do before it gets too bad. I am not a good example of strength as a parent and I am worried that it will hurt my kids. I am trying so hard. I love them so much. I have no self confidence,and I used to have it in loads. I am so stressed. I don't want to use the diagnoses as a crutch for me or her, and I don't know how to get past the difficulties either. Ugh.

Buy books on the subject and teach her how to make friends by role playing.
Be REALLY patient and reward her when she's doing things right. When she does something wrong, explain why. I never had a major problems making friends.* What I believe she feels, is the strong desire and need to have somebody around. However, the way to make people stick around is obvious to her; she makes them stick around.

Work with the process to make friends:

It starts with casual conversation. Tell her to try to ask the other person questions about themselves. Give her some examples and explain the syntax of a conversation, so that she might be able to figure out things for herself. Make role playing a fun activity. Give her some sort of reward, very enthusiastic and do NOT make it some sort of chore.

If this is completely wasted, you might want to get her in contact with children who share her special interest(s). What is she interested in? Could she possibly take a course in that subject. Present the idea to her.. or give it as a present! ^^ I don't know how she reacts to such things, but giving it as a present sets the frame that it should be something to be happy for. Combined with the fact that she's already interested in the subject she's more likely to respond well to it.... Well, that's my theory at least!


* (I'm not 100% sure if I even have strong enough AS to be diagnosed, but I definitely have some degree of it. I'm going to get tested soon.)

role playing sounds intriguing. She is very into make believe and lives in an alternate reality most of the time. I hope it can translate to real life. She does tend to revert to real life occasionally, especially when she is meeting new people. It becomes so "here and now". I agree with your theory on why she forces people to be her friends. It may be fun. Thanks.

As for her interests,like many people right now, I simply don't have the money to indulge her interests (horses- real and in person). I have taken her to the occasional road-side farm to see them, she was not satisfied. I hope to be able to get her more into at a later time. SHe would be a FANTASTIC story writer if she was better at writing (her OCD makes it hard to write things down because they are never perfect in form or function).