Best environment to raise my daughter??

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Hi everyone,

My daughter, just under three is probably has AS and we are just starting process of getting a diagnosis (booked for March), but here's the tricky part.

My husband has just gotten an oppurtunity for a new job in Edmonton, Alberta Canada, currently we live on Vancouver Island in a remote community.

Positives of the move is that it would be to a much larger community, in a province with much better funding for kids with AS for early intervention, better options for education (public, private, autism classes etc), I would likely be able to stay home from work or at least work part-time as the husbands job is more money. If I stay where we are currently I would definately have to work. Also we'd live in the same city as the grandparents, uncle cousins and life long friends and their children. People who I know will love and accept my daughter unconditionally and provide emotional support for me and my husband. I don't have many friends or a social network where I am currently.

The drawbacks to moving, my daughter is currently doing well, likes her daycare (thank god, this has been the 3rd one) and they are very good with her, she's making alot of progress and is a happy kid and mostly well behaved just with some quirks very socially withdrawn. Alot of the people on our island are more eccentric themselves, lots of artists, musicians, tree-huggers, hippies etc. And the weather is alot better (although she hasn't really shown any difficulties adjusting to a colder climate when we take her back for visits). I'm worried that she might regress and have a difficult time adjusting if we go ahead with the move, but my gut is saying move.

I know you all must be thinking I must be crazy to consider a big move like this prior to diagnosis (not until March), but I'm fairly confiedent (along with everyone else that knows her and her doctor and pediatrician) that she indeed has AS. I have to make a decision by the end of the year or we will lose the opportunity, but it won't affect my appointment for the ASD evaluation, we'll come back for that.

I want to do what is best for my daughter, but I'm not sure what that is? Arghh any thoughts

I think you should go with your gut instinct and make the move. It's a move which is going to have lots of benefits, not least being that you will be at home with your daughter for at least part of the week, she will have extended family close by, and there will be more choice in terms of school and other activities as she gets older.

She may find the new place strange at first, but she is still very young. It can be a lot harder to make a move with older children.

Go for it! It sounds like a great opportunity for you all.

Methinks that happy mummy and daddy equals happy child. It's ok to put the needs of the family as a whole first sometimes. It may take her longer to adjust to the move than normal but she will adjust eventually.

My daughter was 13 when she was uprooted and relocated to a different country. The first year and a half was a nightmare and her Aspergers was so much worse, I really could have killed her. But she has settled now and is very happy here. (Unlike me who is now desperate to go home)

I agree with the first two posters, that you should do what you think will make you happy.

Having said that, my parents moved across the country when I was about 3 years old, and my mother struggled with loneliness being away from her family. Every time there was a crisis in her family we had to make the big trip back home. I also wonder if I would have been better adjusted if I had been near my cousins and aunts and uncles because many of them are eccentric and sensitive, too.... On the other hand, maybe it was good that we moved because we were able to escape having to take a side whenever there were major conflicts....Either way, I'm sure your daughter will be fine and like the previous post says, she's young and will be better able to adapt.

I hope that helps, and doesn't add to your confusion. You wouldn't want to stay and inadvertently resent your daughter for holding you back from having the life you want....Make the move.

edit: I misunderstood where the extended family lives.

I would say that the chance to spend more time with your daughter, and to be closer to family would be well worth the move. My son is 4 and has been diagnosed since he was 2.5, and we live in a city where I have no family. It is really hard at times.

Since she is only 3, she will be going through many changes and adjustments anyway over the next couple of years, so if you go now, then she will probably be ok.

Good luck with your decision

I'm in the "move" group. As your daughter grows older, you will find that the time to be with her becomes the most important thing you can do for her. This move will be difficult in the short run, but if you are there to spend quality time with her through the transition, that should help a lot. Look for a new neighborhood that is diverse and accepting, try to keep the home costs down so you won't have to work if your daughter ever needs to be homeschooled, and follow your gut. It sounds like this move will increase your choices, and that you will find is a very good thing to have.