Behaviors in School

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My son is in third grade and recently diagnosed.

He's been misbehaving ... besides distractable & impulsive -- he can also be defiant & oppositional -- I know these to be common traits of aspergers kids. What I don't know - is what the school is to do about it ...

I've had a conversation with the principal and he'd like me to come in and discuss these things with him ... The problem is that I don't have any idea what to tell him to do about these things when they occur in school.

I have requested an FBA to be done in school -- by an expert in behavior -- so we can come up with a behavior intervention plan .. the problem is that he is fighting me on this. I believe it's by law that he is to provide it but it can take 60 days before they do. In the meantime - my son is in school everyday misbehaving and as far as I can see the only discipline that's been doled out so far - is that he had to see the principal. He was sent to see him again, however, he wasn't available to see my son so my son sat on a bench in the office for 30 minutes before returning to class.

Now on my most recent phone call with the Principal - I told him about the Aspergers DX and he mentioned a friend's son with the DX who is not like my son and the fact that my son can turn on and off the behaviors proves to him that he is in control of them and we just need to come up with a plan between the teacher and the principal and myself and implement it.

I believe the principal wants me to discipline -- i.e. take away privileges at home, as a consequence of bad behavior in school. I don't think this is a good idea because I want my son to feel comforted at home... is this crazy? or should I be taking away the only things he cares about (computer, video games) because he misbehaves in school? I know his daily life in school must be so hard for him - as it is with all spectrum kids ... I want him to know he has a safe haven to come home to and that the stress of that part of his day doesn't follow him home.

Please help... I'm really lost here.

Rachel

edit..

As a teacher, I would recommend having a meeting with the teacher and the child present with you. The three of you could come together and write up a behavior contract of what you are each going to do in order to help your child be successful. No one should have more than three things on their list. Then the three of you should come up with some positive rewards for improved behavior such as extra free reading time on Friday afternoons in class or access to a computer. Maybe you can set up a reward system at home as well to reinforce good behavior at school. Have everyone sign the contract and make copies of it so everyone can refer to it as needed.

I've done this with ASD kids and NT kids and it's been pretty effective for me. Hope this helps! Good luck!

I'm not a fan of taking away things at home in response to what occurs at school, especially when those are things your son may need to self-calm. That would trigger unintended negative consequences, so you have to be really careful. If I was going to hit anything at home, it would be the cash allowance, if you have one, since, as I've told my kids, "your job is to go to school and learn and if you aren't going your job you don't get paid."

However, I am not convinced by the principal's logic. What makes him think your son can turn these behaviors off and on and, even if he can, that they are not a valid cry for help or some other valid form of AS expression? What sorts of behaviors are we talking about here? Stims, that may be perceived as disruptive but can be necessary for an AS child, or hitting other kids, which definitely needs consequences? Not every child on the spectrum is the same, and being able to control certain behaviors for 5 minutes is not the same as being able to control them for 6 hours.

What does your son say about his behaviors, and does he have any ideas on things that could help him either redirect or control them? I've always found talking these things through with my son to be really, really helpful. Either I learn something about him, or he learns something about how the world really works - regardless, it is always a process that teaches one of us something important.

i went on a great course called early bird i was surprised at the things i learned some childs bad behaviour can been caused by there surronding such as smell, colour, light, noise, my daughter used to get upset during lunch time becouse the smells of lunch hall was too much for her. you have to look out side the box when she used to get upset or angrey at school i always used to think it was becouse of perhaps being picked not likeing the teacher or the lesson the thing you would think about in a normal situation , but know when she gets upset we think about what class she was in what is the colour how does it smell even what perfume the teachers is wearing noise in class even things that we cant hear children with aspergers sometimes can , the lighting can be a problem for some children good luck