oh my mother and her views..."ret*d"...WTH?

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So today I'm talking with my mother, who of course has said numerous times she does not believe my son is autistic. I've pretty much just given up. I mean, he's seen a pediatrician who immediately told us he was autistic (she has MANY autistic patients), he saw a developmental pediatrician, who said the same, he saw a DAN doctor, he saw another pediatrician, blah, blah...she still doesn't agree.

I have pretty much given up, although today she did say "he might have some autistic traits...but I think you need to take him to a psychologist because maybe he doesn't talk because something happened to him when he was a baby, blah, blah...and I know you think he's ret*d...and it may be..." WTF? Sorry, but I almost lost it...I have never called my son that, I have never called anyone that...but I am sick and tired of explaining to her how her BROTHER is autistic, how his grandson (who holly cow, was diagnosed with autism just a few months ago) is autistic because it's in the genes...how my cousin's boy will SOON be diagnosed because I can see the signs, his cousin and grandfather are definitely autistic, and his mother is also...just like me, just like her, just like her mother...geez, we're all the same...I don't know how many times I can tell her that I think my son is very bright, his issues are basically a speech delay and some ackward social interaction, although he is very sociable...and his echolalia, etc...the rest he's just wired differently...blah, blah...but she said that word and it tool everything in my power to not whack her over the head...How do I make her understand? What is wrong with her? Is her autism so messed up that she just won't let it go? I have shown her medical tests, I have told EVERYONE how smart he is, blah, blah, blah...why does she continue down that same path every chance she gets? Honestly, I take a deep breath because I do feel she is autistic and when she gets something in her head, she just won't let it go...but geez, I'm ready to snap...

I wouldn't bother with her. Maybe she is in denial. Does she know she has it herself or no?

I have told her, I have explained it to her, she doesn't get it...hmmm

Then buy her a book and tell the old fossil that either she gets with the program, or she never sees her grandson again.

It's amazing how much more clearly some people can "think" once you've forced them to do it for the first time...

Just sounds like she's in denial or unaware, and also it sounds like she has traits also.

My Mum went with me when I was diagnosed and she had to ask both professionals if that meant she was a "refrigerator mother".

To this day, despite me lending her a couple of books, emails etc, she can't see that she is possibly more Aspie than myself. She can be quite cold but I wouldn't say she's a fridge though.

So back to your case, I guess people just know these outdated ideas as to what is Autistic, if you read about the history of Autism and Aspergers you would know, that Autism used to be seen as an infantile Schizophrenia or something back years ago etc etc etc. That would be quite likely what your Mum believes.

I agree.

I'm from a place where the people tend to harbor prejudice views on things and found they often do it for personal reasons more then actual beliefs (often unknowingly). Sometimes its just that they are being lazy and taking the easy path. To label someone as ret*d can be used as a guilt free dismissal of a that person, a way to accept something different in your life without having to invest in that thing.

If your mother dismissed her brother as ret*d when she was growing up then a diagnosis of autism might make her feel guilty about that. It might require her to re-examine a lot of things about her life.

Frist of all I'm very sorry your mother is making something thats hard to deal with in the frist place harder. I agree with CTBill and CockneyRebel , but if this doesn't help please never her let her call your son "slow or retared" any were he can hear her even if this means she loses access to the child in question.

This brings up a good point. Some people may tune out the possibility of autism because they can't let go of this old theory.

My brother gave me a lecture on what an abnormal monster my daughter was a couple of years ago. All because she told him, very bluntly, in front of his mates what she really thought of him. Everything she said was true and he did deserve it but all he cared about was how she had embarassed him in front of his friends. My daughter still cries about what he said about her. I haven't spoken to him since.

Your mother is from an old school of thought. A time when you either got it or you didn't. And if you didn't, you were punished and forced till you got it.

So she can't see autism. All she can see is a child that won't "get it."

I happen to agree. Give her one chance to shape up. She doesn't...she loses access. Your child doesn't need a negative influence in the household.

I think it is harsh and unnecessary to banish granny from his life. If the rest of immediate family provides normal vibe in the household acctualy having someone with "average" opinion can help your son to learn how to deal with people like that in a safe environment. If she doesn't insult him and verbally abuse, she just happen to have a different opinion. I am always flr diversification of the child's environment of course in the limits that he can handle.

Oh Wow. I could have written your post, almost all of it exactly. We are having the same problem with my in-laws. They do not believe my son is autistic in any way -- they think he has "psychological problems" because of "the way his parents relate to him." No amount of reports or doctors diagnoses have succeeded in convincing them that he does, in fact, have Asperger's. When confronted with these things, they claim that our doctors are just looking for more business/follow-up appointments. And my father-in-law is a retired doctor himself (makes me wonder if that's how he ran his practice). We've also given up trying to convince them. They think "austistic" means a kid who sits in the corner and bangs his head against the wall. When the topic comes up with them I excuse myself (I hope gracefully) and let my husband deal with it. BTW, my son is 6 and is less articulate than his 4 year old cousin.

I don't have any practical suggestions, just wanted to let you know that I'm in the same boat. The saving grace is that they live 1,000 miles away.

Good luck,

It sounds like she's totally stuck on the stereotypical public view of what autism is. Have you explained to her how it's totally different from that whole "stupid drooling empty shell" thing?