Letting him indulge?

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We celebrate Christmas in my family, and my son Evan (7 yrs old) has gotten a lot of toys that have to do with his 'special interest', tracks, trains, movies. He loves these things and I know he'll happily spend days absorbed in them.

My question is; is it 'good' to let him get swallowed up in his obsessions during his vacation? I want him to enjoy himself, school is hard for him and this time off is much needed. I want him to recharge his batteries and mainly, have a good time. I'm inclined to let him watch his movies and play with his tracks all he wants.

Would this be fine, or should I push him into other activities (lessons on reading and writing mainly; which he hates and struggles with, but needs to progress on badly) during his holiday break?
All opinions are appreciated.

Thanks,

I'd be inclined to let him enjoy his holiday and play with his presents.

Having said that, maybe you could sit with him and help him write thank you letters for his presents, including designing note paper - decorate it with trains or whatever he likes. Make it fun, and keep the writing part minimal and as stress-free as possible. If he got any books or albums about his special interest then maybe you could help him to read them a little or fill in any quizzes in them, that kind of thing.

Most important for you all though, is to have a good and relaxing holiday!

It's his holiday and he's only 7. Let him have a holiday.

Let him enjoy his holiday break.

If you want to help him with his reading, then try getting him some books about topics that he likes. As far as writing problems, is the problem just with handwriting or the composing?

thanks for bringing that up Tracker, I suppose I left out a large part of the equation.

He won't produce work. He won't write anything unless an adult is sitting beside him insisting on it and telling him letter by letter what to put on the paper. This of course, is a major problem because his teacher doesn't have time to do that kind of thing. Evan's in grade two now, and hasn't made much progress beyond writing his name.

Anything to do with working, he won't do. He won't draw a picture, write a story, write an answer - nothing on paper. No letters, no numbers, no colouring. He also won't read anything on his own. Nor will he make up stories. He loves books, he has all kinds, but he wants to be read to. Ask him to read and it's a stony face and great reluctance. After a few words he starts pulling at his hair and crying that he can't do it.

As a result of this, the school is most likely going to place him in a special ed. class. (if he produced work, he would be only a bit behind the other kids in grade two).

They have gotten him a computer with a program that will write for him but he has to read into it in order for the computer to recognize his voice. He was given a page of 'Jack and the Beanstalk' to learn.
He won't try.

So that's why I'm wondering if I should just let him be over the holidays, or if I should push him. He's so far behind in school now that I just don't know if it's worth it to use up his home time doing what he hates.

He's smart, he can tell you the answers, but he won't do any school work.

Bah, lag induced double post.

Just out of curiosity, are you asking him to just read something, and then leaving him alone to do so, or are you asking him to read it aloud. I.E. talk out what he is reading. Because if your asking him to read aloud I could definitely understand the meltdowns and the problems. I am an adult and I can barely do that for more then a paragraph before I seize up and can't function.

Also, if your child is having problems with writing, it might be because trying to do so is hurting his hands. This is a fairly common problem amongst autistic/aspie children. It is caused by the tendons in the hands being too loose. Basically, it is a by product of the hypotonia, which is often a by product of AS. If he can tell you the answer, but not write it down then the problem is probably with the writing, not the composing of the answer.

While less likely, the problem might also be a lack of available memory to do all the functions associated with writing. Can he copy something from another piece of paper easily, or does he struggle with that also?

Hi there. I am not sure if it is the same problem but my 5 yo would avoid writing, drawing etc too. Since he is going to daycare they pushed him doing coloring which he would do by staring somewhere else. When we tried doing such things at home he would refuse and cry and yell "it's too hard". I know that he has aversion to all new things i.e. things that he don't know/understand so little pushing is necessary for us. We started last year to do 5 mins of writing every day (well almost every) and he improved a lot. Basically before he couldn't draw a cross but now he is writing words. We are requesting now 7 words that he can choose (usually something that he likes). I thought him to draw a boy and now he likes the fact that he can draw something.
I know my child since his behavior is very similar to his dads and i know that for some things he needs a push (I know, this sounds awful). I try to minimize the amount of things that are necessary so that he can still have lots of room. For example, he doesn't like any building stuff like legos or games and I don't push for that however writing/typing and reading are necessary.

Your son sounds a lot like mine at that age, especially the issues with work product. It was that which led us to look for an IEP, and the IEP process during which we discovered the AS.

Some thoughts.

First, the issues with writing are very real. Writing is literally painful for my son, and remains so, despite quite a bit of OT intervention. He has learned to keyboard and write in some version of English, however, and is expected to eventually be fine. It's taken a lot of patience and encouragement, however.

Second, writing is a multi-task process, so you aren't just overcoming the physical side, but the concept of trying to think through too many things at once. If he can get his ideas together, he can't figure out how to spell and write; if he is writing, he loses his ideas. Again, eventually with keyboarding it will all come together, but it takes time. For years we separated the writing from the thinking, allowing our son to dictate homework and only write for pleasure (yes, there are times he has thoughts he wants to write down without anyone looking at legibility or spelling).

Third, assignments can appear to be overwhelming. What the child can't do is get started, because the task seems daunting. What you have to do is reward that very first tiny step, without requiring that any more be taken, and nudge him through the process one step at a time, one reward at a time, and stop when he needs to stop. Eventually he gets better at understanding what will be involved and that he actually can do it, but that will take years and years, most likely. For now, one step at a time, and maybe try working by a clock instead of by assignment ("why don't we just work on this for 5 minutes, and as long as you have really tried for 5 minutes, we get to quite when the time is done.")

Fourth, with reading, there is likely to be a gap between interest level and reading level. Basically, his mind is so far ahead of what he can read, and what he can read he finds exceedingly dull. He may feel that he can never catch up on that gap, and thus is really frustrated. Both my AS and NT kids went through that, and with my AS child it was extra important to convince him that he was going to have to read for himself eventually. He had the solution all thought out, lol, he was always going to be read to, but we did eventually sell him on it being worth the effort to learn it for himself. Still, getting to a point of reading fluency, where reading is enjoyable and comes to you like speaking, well, that takes years. My AS son is now an excellent and enthusiastic reader, so don't give up, but you will need to be patient.

Fifth, if your son thinks like mine, then home is home and school is school. My son is good at doing what he is supposed to do while at school, given that all his special needs are now accomodated by the IEP, but he wants and needs home to be the free time. This is when he learns what he chooses to learn, and pursues the things that interest him, and that will probably some day turn into his career. That free time is really important, I believe, for that is what keeps his gifts alive. Without the gifts, its all just frustration. So respect the little boxes, and try to put the extra educational assistance into a nice "school" box as well, instead of trying to push it into vacation and home. My son's goal now, every day, is to be at least 3/4's through his homework before arriving home, working on it during study hall, lunch and on the bus.

I'm not sure if I've covered all the bases, but I wish you luck. It was difficult turning the corner on some of those educational skills, but the corner did turn for us and it will for you. You are going to have to be creative and to think outside the box, and really listen to what your child needs in the way of assistance. Sympathise with how difficult you know it is for him, but remind him that he is smart and capable and totally capable of learning these things in his own time and his own way, or you wouldn't be asking him to. Let him know that while these are parts of the burden of his uniqueness, they are offset by the gifts, and he should be proud of who he is and what he is capable of.

Just wow, everyone who replied has hit on something that is definitely the situation we are experiencing.

Tracker -
yes, we have been asking him to read out loud. I've noticed that he likes to sound out the words to himself before he says it out loud to me, and that he gets really upset if someone jumps in to say the word for him. However, in this current situation he will need to be able to read out loud as that's the only way the computer can register his voice. (So they say).\

I never knew that reading out loud could cause stress. But I can't exactly leave him to read by himself because just he won't do it and say that he did. He'll say whatever he thinks will make the person he's with, happy. He doesn't 'get' that when he goes to school and can't read it, he'll have MORE problems.

He has showed an aptitude for the computer, but so far it's mouse work. No typing.
I can understand the ideas vs. writing concept. I have that problem myself. I think faster than I write and many times things get lost.

I've never heard of hypotonia, or even considered writing to possibly be painful. This could be the exact problem. I will definitely look into it.

As for taking time, time has done run out as far as mainstream schooling is concerned. Being six months behind means it's basically over. He can't be in a regular class. The special teacher/social worker (I can't keep track of all of them, whomever it was) said this computer thing was his 'last and best chance".
Personally, I don't care. But I can realize that if he is placed in special ed getting him re-integrated could be extremely difficult.

Oh man what a mess. Baby is screaming, I will respond to the others soon!

Thanks again everyone

Well, I dont know if your child has the same difficulty as me, but my problem with reading things aloud is that my brain can't handle doing both things at once. I can read something, memorize what it says, and then say what I read, but reading aloud requires you to both read and speak at the same time. Since I am not all that proficient with either reading nor speaking, trying to do both at the same time is a MAJOR headache. I really can't do it for more then a minute or so before I get a massive headache and start losing speech altogether. Then of course trying to force speech once that happens only causes more problems.

If you want to make sure he is reading without actually having him read aloud, then try just giving him simple sentences, and asking him a simple question about the sentences. For example, give him a sentence like "The pet was a big white and black dog named spot". Give him a little while to read that, then ask things like "Was the pet a cat or dog?", "What was the pet's name?" etc. There are many ways to verify that he is reading without forcing him to read aloud. Plus, what is more important, making him read out loud, or making sure that he can understand and answer questions about what he is reading?

Also, I personally like typing myself as I find it much easier then dictating, writing, or other forms of communication. Your son may not struggle with writing as much as I do, but I doubt that teaching him to type would be a waste of his time.

As far as hypotonia, you may want to read the basics here:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hypotonia

To make a long story short (relatively short). There is a part of the brain called the cerebellum, which controls the muscles in the body. For example, when you want to run, all you think is just about going forward and your body does the rest. But running is actually a very complex task that requires the activation of dozens of muscles at the right time in the right order at the right strength. Likewise, most 'simple' actions that we perform such as picking up a cup from the table requires several dozen muscles in your chest, arm, and hand to all work together with exactly the right amount of force at the right time. It is the job of the cerebellum to coordinate all these movements together. That is why there are some people who are naturally very coordinated, its because they have a well developed cerebellum.

Those people who have brain damage, or abnormal neurology can have a cerebellum that doesn't perform as well. This can result in poor coordination, clumsiness, and poor motor skills. It is very common for autistic/aspies to have this problem. In fact according to the Gillberg criteria, it is required for a diagnosis of asperger's syndrome. This damage also causes problems with muscle development. Since the muscles dont get the right signals from the brain, then don't develop as they usually would, and are often smaller, weaker, and also interestingly enough stretchier. One way to spot the condition is to see how far a person can bend down their thumb towards their forearms. I can easily make my thumb touch my for arm on both hands. Of course an unfortunate side effect of this condition is that it becomes difficult to hold a pencil in your hand. You have to apply more pressure then normal in order to keep a firm grip, which causes strain and the associated pain.

The extent of the problem depends on the individual person. For some people there is no problems, for some it is a minor inconvenience. For other people (such as myself) it is a more severe problem resulting in small muscles and very poor coordination. Generally in order to be classified as 'hypotonia' it has to be severe enough on it's own that it is very easily apparent. Your son may not be severely affected enough in order to get the diagnosis, but it may be affecting his ability to write legibly or without pain. I obviously can't diagnose a problem over the internet, but it may be something to look into.

Along with hypotonia there can also be hypoextension, which is loose joints, and my son seems to have that, as well. An additional effect of the loose joints is that not all the sensory nuerons make it to the brain, so the child will need to touch and move more than normal to get enough nuerons into the brain for him to have a sense of where he is the air space, if that makes any sense.

To the OP, I don't know where you feel your son's IQ level or ability to learn is, but I'm not comfortable with the school calling it so early, on moving to a special class. Is he behind on everything, or just reading and writing? Once he crosses the bridge with those he is likely to catch up astronomically fast; my son did, and his peers tend to consider him something of a genius, despite all his trials at school (the weak areas still drag down his grades). If there is any way to afford it or locate it, I would try tutoring with someone who knows AS, or an AS special school, first. Or Montessori or Waldorf, that use different teaching methods. Even when my son couldn't write, no one was considering anything but mainstream because of his apparent overall intelligence, and he would have quickly gotten bored in a special class. Shoot, we have kids staying on grade who barely speak English, and are technically more than a year behind in some areas; our school is used to dealing with multiple levels at once, and its never held back the bright or average kids.

Does your school have much experience with AS and the common co-morbids, like hypotonia and hypoextension? We've talked about voice software with the school, but I've always countered, because I know my son can learn to keyboard effectively. Once you bring in a tool like voice software, it seems so final to me. Aides and others who he dictates to are easy to phase out, and bring in a human element for some give and take, allowing the child to try what he is ready to try on his own, and allowing for there to be gentle encouragement for him to do so. It will be a few years before his hands have grown enough to learn to keyboard, so you should be looking at something temporary, not permanent, in my experience anyway. My son did overcome all the hurdles your son seems to be facing right now, and was much like your child at 7, although perhaps attempting a bit more writing. Just stuff to think about, anyway.

I think that you should let hem enjoy his holiday and indulge in his special interests. If you don't let him be a kid and enjoy his obsessions, now than he will go overboard with the ones that he will develope, when he's older. Take it from 24/7 Kinks.

I've decided to let it be for now, he's playing with his toys, he's enjoying his time and I'm fine with it.
In a day or two, I'm going to find him a book he's interested in, and we'll try to memorize some of it.

I mean, Jack and the Beanstalk is a nice story and all, but who wants to memorize it?

When school starts I'm going explain to his teacher and the vice principal my belief that he has Aspergers syndrome. I'll explain what I have to, and I'll have some material printed out.

We have a Dr's appointment tomorrow morning, I will come prepared with the phone numbers of the special teams I want referrals to.

Organization is my thing, and this is my new mission. This WILL be settled this year, SHMG. I am researching IEP's and IRPC. Hopefully I'll know what I'm talking about when school starts

Thank you for all your advice, it's given me so much fuel and ideas of what to research. This syndrome is complex and huge, and I'll do my best. I only wish my mother had done it for me.

I've found a solution!

Rather than reading, I've asked Evan to pick out a movie he knows all about. When we go to school tomorrow, I'll explain that instead of reading, he will talk about the movie. Telling the whole story of the movie. He's picked a Veggie Tales movie. Moe and the Big Exit (the biblical story of Moses).

This, will work. I know it.