Day care.

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How do you find day care for a child with special needs? My son is higher functioning, but has severe sensory issues and problems with pragmatic communication. School was a nightmare until we switched him into a developmental kindergarten recently. I am TERRIFIED to put him in daycare. Even people we love, our family members, have a hard time just accepting him as he is and recognizing that he's not being "bad" when he has a melt down or gets too much sensory input. For reasons beyond my control, I might have to go back to work and I can't even find a day care yet that will take him. I'm worried that the only places that I'll be able to afford will end up being staffed by overworked, and undereducated people who won't know what to do with my son. Just hearing the horror stories has me in tears. How do other parents do it?

Leiley -

I know EXACTLY how you're feeling. My son is currently attending a wonderful facility that incorporates him with non-diagnosed children. They have therapists on site and the teachers go through training on how to deal with our children should they have meltdowns or transitioning troubles. Here's my suggestion:

Call Early Intervention and ask them if they are familiar with any childcare providers in your area. If they're not familiar (which they should be) with a facility, ask them to pass your information on to other parents so they may contact you with what route they've taken. Don't reinvent the wheel! There have been families before you who asked these same questions. It's just a matter of getting in touch with the right contacts. Call everyone! I know you will. Best of luck to you.

Katie

I'm sorry I did not ask earlier, but how old is your son?

My son is 3 1/2 and is high functioning as well

He's five and in kindergarten now. Thanks for the information too!

Look everywhere and ask a LOT of questions. Good daycare does happen, just not nearly as often as the world needs it to.

My son's preschool situations were never very good, but the aftercare on campus at the elementary school was EXCELLENT. The director/lead teacher simply "got" special needs kids, and she has had quite a few over the years (between the strong resource team and the daycare word gets around and a few families have transferred from out of district to be at this school, despite it being lower scoring overall). My son is very high functioning but there was also this really neat lower functioning PDD-NOS kid who attended that daycare there every afternoon for years. With the right director/lead teacher, it can be a real growing experience for the NT kids, who learn a whole new level of acceptance.

So look. Good situations happen. This director didn't have any special training or certificates on her wall; you just knew when you talked to her that her attitude towards kids was going to make it work.

FYI, I do think my daughter's preschool would have worked for my son better than the one he went to, but at the time I was misinformed. Her preschool was highly structured and so loving ... even though the official ratios listed lower than the one I chose, the teachers were far more present, and the effect was better and more in tune supervision. They were good at knowing each child's quirks and redirecting before issues happened - really, really good at that, and I am sure there was at least one little Aspie boy in my daughter's class who thrived there. But I don't know how I would have known without being there how good it was ... the director there didn't talk the talk like our elementary school on-site director/lead teacher did. But all her teachers walked the walk. So observing is really important, as well, and maybe talking to some parents who are there already.

Do you have a child care resource and referral agency anywhere near you? I'm a child care provider in MA who is registered with an R & R. Parents who are looking for child care can call the agency and ask for a list of providers in their area who have openings. They can also ask for providers who meet certain criteria, including educational background or experience working with kids who have AS. That may at least give you a place to start. You can then set up an interview with the providers on the list who interest you and you can go from there. If someone seems like a good fit for your and your son, you could ask if she would allow you to observe her during working hours so you can see how she interacts with the kids in her care. If you find someone you like, stop by now and then during the day or pick up your son up early here or there if you can just to check up until you're comfortable she's providing the care you're looking for. Personally, as a parent who has a son with AS (now 19 and in his first year of college!), I'd also consider a provider who has less direct experience with AS but who has a warm, loving personality and is open to working closely with you to learn about AS and how it affects your son. I know there are a lot of child care horror stories out there that can leave you scared to death to trust anyone with your son but there are also a lot of wonderful people in this business who would work hard to ensure your son's safey and emotional well-being. You just don't hear about them because they don't make the news the way the bad ones do.

I'm not sure if the R & R lists centers as well as family care providers but you could ask if you're interested more in center care. If your local public school has a SpEd PAC, there may be some parents involved who could give you recommendations based on who they might have used for child care for their own kids. Good luck!