I won't give up but my rope's getting shorter

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In August, my son was diagnosed with AS. In September I met with the Special Ed teacher (SERT) and his classroom teacher (RCT) to let them know, I thought they'd go "Oh, thanks for telling us. We know what to do now". Yes, I live in a dream world.

Three months later, after my son brought home tests where he scored 90+% (except for one, that he failed; it was math, it said "Here's the pattern: 81, 72, 63, 54, 45, 36, 27, ___, ___. My son wrote "the Tens go down by one, the ones go 4,2,3, 1 then 1, 2, 3..." and the teacher wrote "Wrong" and gave him a D) and yet he got Cs on his report card. So once again, I went to visit his teacher. The gist of the conversation went as:

Me: So, he gets perfect scores yet he gets bad marks. Why? What's happening in the classroom that I'm no hearing about?
Teacher: He just stares around the classroom. He never does anything. He's lazy.
Me: He has A.S. He needs to focus. How do you help him do that?
Teacher: I can't. I've got too many kids
Me: Fair enough. What can be done to help him, as a team, as a school?
Teacher: Look, don't let this get out of this room but lady, your kid needs a kick in the butt.

Me. Near tears. "What?"

Later, he tells me that they were studying the 'art' words. Put up your hand if you can add a consonant to make a word. My son is 9. His classmates are 9. Guess what word he came up with? Yep, FART. He put up his hand (a rare occurrence) and says fart. The teacher (telling me this) freaked out on him and said that's a swear word. How would my son know this? We say this word regularly in our home. It's not a swear word, it's in the dictionary. He got sent to the principal's office for this. He absolutely HATES school. Gee, I wonder why.

It gets worse, OMG, this conversation got worse. But I'm too worn out to tell you about it.

I came home and cried and told most of this to my husband, I was too upset to tell him that his teacher said he needed a "KICK IN THE BUTT". It was still being being processed in my brain.


So....I found out that we have a local Autism group that offers FREE workshops to teachers to teach them how to work with A.S. kids. I wrote to our principal, so very kindly, saying our teachers need this workshop and wow, what a great thing for her staff to have. She just wrote to me "No, we don't need this. We'll observe your son at recess. He may need some help with organization. Other than that, no we can't help you"

I've just had my usual, end-of-the-school-week cry.

My rope is short, but I'm hanging in there.

No, my son won't go to another school (anxiety about going from one place to another, does the driver know the way, etc. this is taking too long) as his gifted brother goes to another school.

Thanks for listening, parents. I know I'm not alone, and yes I know I have to hang in there, but as I find Christmas quite depressing to begin with, I don't need this on top of it all.

Check with the school board and find out where the funding for special needs is going because apparantly it isn't going to your sons school. Also, while you're at it you can find out how to file a report anonymously, assuming it is a public school.

Ok, worse yet, I work for the school board, worser than that, I share an office space with the principal of Special Education. So I'm supposed to work on this professional level with them all, and I do. No "going over someone's head" type of thing and I haven't. That's why after the meeting with teacher with the "he needs a kick in the butt" I retained my composure and wrote to the principal (she wasn't there that day or I would've gone and seen her immediately) . And then she wrote back tonight with the "too bad, so sad" e-mail. You know, the usual, A.S. is a made-up thing. Oh, but if your child had low functioning autism (and we have one student at the school that does), maybe you'd have all of our attention. This one child does get major attention, and he deserves it. He's an amazing child and we all adore him.

Funny, this seems to be building my momentum to really show them how to bloody well work with our children. Like I said, my rope is short, but I'm hanging in there, baby.

Keep fighting. Schools generally only go as far as they have to; teachers, I find, vary greatly from those dedicated to their students and those who shouldn't be allowed to pick up their check. By applying pressure, first with the school, then district, then school board, then publicity, you will get results. If your child is diagnosed, then they are entitled to assistance - don't let them walk over you. That teacher's comments were wholly inappropriate, and should be referred to the principal and district administration. You have no obligation to 'keep it in this room' as they were failing to do their job.


M.

I am shocked by the attitudes towards your son and by what that teacher said to you. That is beyond unprofessional!

I'm in Scotland, so can't offer any practical advice as I don't know how your system works, but you should take this to the top. It is totally unacceptable.

File a lawsuit. That will open their eyes and they'll give your son what he needs. Sorry to be so dramatic, but this is ridiculous and unacceptable.

This is overwhelming.

Since the 2nd grade (he's in the 4th grade) I've been going to his teachers saying "Um, he's different". And they do nothing. I talked to his kindergarten teacher (now moved to another school) who said"yes, I knew he had A.S." and has been a big emtional support.

It's the weekend. I need some down time. I don't know how I'll handle it in the new year. Maybe by then I'll have some new energy.

You spoke his teacher nothing but what I'd take as a scary insult. The principal sounds unwilling to do anything. So speaking to someone else when you have informed them and gave them a chance to handle it in house so to speak is more then reasonable. It's Dec 18th they have had all the time the need to get a plan in place, they will not even try. It's time to make a few calls. The more you kid sits in that teachers class room the worse its going to be for him in the long run. Our kids are far more likely to be abused in school then other sudents she could have quitly gone up to your son and told him that we don't use the word fart in school. She made the choice to freek out and send him to the office for something most 9yr olds say. Make the calls make sure your son doesn't end-up dropping out because he can't stand to go anymore like so many other people with AS have.

Better yet, ask to observe the classroom to see what environment they are providing. If they refuse, then you have a right to ask what they have to hide. They obviously don't understand the nature of the problem your child is facing, and are refusing to do anything about it. If they didn't want to help kids, they should never have become teachers.


M.

Also keep in mind that your child is a child and might do inappropriate things at times which might prompt a visit to the office. It might be useful to the child to help him be aware of limits and control his behavior. Of course, it's not going to be fair as the worst bullies usually don't get sent to the office.

That the teacher told you her "kick in the butt" statement shouldn't leave the room indicates that she knew what she was saying was wrong. You have played nicely thus far and have tried to work with the school. This teacher, however, sounds like a nincompoop. I would suggest you should probably try to get your kid out of her class by any means necessary.

One of the most difficult things about AS is that our kids often seem capable of doing things they are not and, so, come across as lazy or unmotivated, with the very real barriers remaining invisible. You need to tell the teacher this in no uncertain terms and ask what she wants for your child: that he love coming to school, or that he give up and check out emotionally and mentally. That is the risk of "guessing wrong" on the motivation and ability issue. Her personal opinion is worthless; he has a diagnosis and an IEP, and she MUST follow it, or there will be consequences. That you work for the school district should make no difference; at some point they must follow the LAW and you, as a responsible parent, must demand that they do.

If not, it's time to start the ball rolling. I guarantee that in your case, given the attitudes expressed, they will fight you. Document EVERYTHING- who said it, when, where you were. You have actually gone through the process correctly- spoken with the teacher, then the principal. There is no "going over their head" when you have addressed the problem to each person in the line of command and gotten poor response. Seriously, take your case to the state disability advocacy organization- they all have one and their services, including that of their lawyers, are usually free. the federal and state governments pay for the services in compliance with the americans with disabilities act. your child obviously is having his educational achievement affected if you are seeing bad grades.