Hi we're new advice about son's obsession

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Hello, just discovered this website today.I am mum to two lovely boys who are aged nine and six.My oldest at the age of nine has recently been diagnosed with childhood autism(is this quite old?)while my youngest age six has a diagnosis of asperger's syndrome. Both of them were diagnosed at the end of October.
My eldest son has always had obsessions his most enduring is action figures. When he was three he collected power rangers etc now aged nine he is interested in spawn, alien etc. He has never seen any of these movies as they have a 15 rating but I know would love too!!He makes up storylines I wonder if his teachers think I let him watch them!!
We went to a party last week and Santa got him an alien action figure-us mums had to buy a gift for our child.I went around the other parents and let them know why he had this "festive" gift and again explained he hasn't seen the movie!! I was among friends as it is a club for children on the spectrum.

He is also interested in werewolves,vampires etc and talks about becoming a vampire. I don't know where this comes from. I would be very grateful for any insights advice from adults with autism and advice how I can support him.

Thankyou very much,

Sandra xx

my daughter is 9 she has asbegers was diagnosed when she was about 5 she loves disney princesses and mermaids . she is behind at school and does not really take to much notice when she is in class although recentley the teachers was very happy to tell me she paying a lot of attention and happy to do the work in class which involved mermaids , i explained to them about her love of mermaids which they were very interested and might try to envolve them in her education to keep her attention. I would not worry to much about what people think bout his obession just explain to people his condition not every one understands but most do good luck .

I am not sure what you are asking.

How to support him in his love of action figures? That seems pretty obvious. Let him have action figures.

If he plays with them the way I liked to, by setting them up into elaborate tableaux, you may find that he prefers the little figures, buildings, trees, animals, benches, etc that are for model train sets, and that you can get him lots more for less money.

I liked the lead (now always pewter) miniature figures that are for playing 'Dungeons and Dragons' and the like, but one must paint them and they are no longer inexpensive. And the series of beautiful werewolves that was available in the early 90's is no longer cast.

Or are you asking why he likes monsters? Outcast people often do.

My now 10 year old PDD/AS son has watched Alien, Aliens, Terminator, Dune, and some other excellent classic science fiction films from the age of 7 or 8 onwards, ( he watched Jurassic Park at 5, and it was his favourite film for a couple of years ), so I obviously don't think there is anything wrong with children watching films like this.

But your question doesn't seem to be about whether or not to allow your son to watch such films, but why he is so obsessed about stories and characters/creatures of that sort?

I think that children, some more than others, need examples of "monsters"; it reassures them to be able to express in such archetypes their inner "demons", ( which all of us have to some extent ), and hear/read/see stories which show the good guys/heroes triumphing over them. Such stories, whether in Hans Andersen, and Grimm's fairy tales, or in modern sci-fi etc versions, help them examine/explore and negotiate with these elements of human experience.

I don't think that there is anything to be worried about; I would be more worried if a child didn't express some excitement about/interest in such ancient archetypal expressions of the unavoidably/intrinsically painful, or frightening, aspects of themselves and life.

And I know that it is not that my son is desensitised or brutalised because he reacts very sensitively to many things, and, for example, didn't get very far with a Sherlock Holmes story recently because he found it too scary/horrific.

Harry Potter, and the Narnia stories, ( which have werewolves in ), and The Lord of the Rings, ( all of which my son has read ), do the same thing, explore and handle the "dark" side of life, help to make sense of it, etc just with fewer special effects! I imagine that in very religious families/times the tales of the old testament probably used to fulfil a similar function, but to anyone exposed much to modern life the "baddies" in the bible maybe seem a little too "realistic"/normal, ( for comfort ), or simply too incomprehensible, to express some of the most difficult feelings, experiences, etc.

I wouldn't worry about it. I think that it is healthy. Your son is using the elements of these tales that he has heard about in his own personal creative way; that's good. My son too makes up stories with the material, putting his own personal twist on them.

I believe that obsession with them might express just how much he needs a "model"/exteriorisation for his own feelings, fears, the "forbidden", etc, and that his writing stories about them is his way of "handling" and dealing with them, symbolically.

PS. My son is fascinated by zombies, but has never seen a film, or read a book, about them, just heard them referred to.

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I think many children, especially boys, are fascinated with monsters, regardless of whether they are autistic or not. My brother was the same at that age and he isn't autistic. My mum would let him watch all the horror and monster films because he really enjoyed them and wasn't in the least bit scared.

Also, vampires and werewolves are currently very fashionable amongst all children. A result of really popular teenage films like Twilight and New Moon.

I didn't think of that but that's a very good explanation too! Because my son homeschools I forgot about the power of classroom/school fashion!

I think that you should accept your son's obsessions, instead of trying to supress them.

Hello thanks for your sensible and sensible advice and insights.I wouldn't want to supress my son's interests.It is my problem worrying about what other people think not his. When he was younger about four he had a major interest in the film "sharkboy and lavagirl" It was all he talked about, probably all he thought about. A psychologist told me not to let him watch the film.I couldn't do it I take comfort in familiar books/films when I am anxious they are a warm and cozy retreat I think the action figure interest meets a similar need in Lucas.He can show the classmates to other children too and are a talking point something they can relate too together.

Looking forward to chatting to you all and learning how to be a better mum to my boys.

Sandra xx

I have a 11 year old big on obsessions. We have found we can aim his obsessions if our aim only varies slightly from his current obsession. We aimed at baukugan the neighbor kids play with them and they are small and intricate and fit in your pocket. My son said at an early age the way you get to play on the playground is to have something cool in your pocket.
The reason we aimed there is that it is very acceptable in our neighborhood and even if he obsesses about it the other kids are speaking the same language. He is just a more devoted fan. It still has monsters and a certian ammount of violence. But the neighbor moms all know about them from thier children liking them. There is a show if you are curious. See what the other kids are playing and see if it could work.

http://ravensblight.com/papertoys.html

Free print-fold-glue paper monster figures.

I was GOING to say what MotherKnowsBest said. In 1992 there was a little flick called "buffy the vampire slayer". Basically, a weird guy reveals to a chearleader that a bunch of wizards over 1000 years ago made a spell that took ONE female and made her a kind of super being that was able to detect and destroy vampires, and that he belongs to a sect that searches for the person and trains her. She finds evidence that he is telling the truth, and builds her life around it.

OK, a stupid little film that one would think would get NO press. 5 years later, a young woman tried out for the part of the bitchy rich jerk type character in a tv series, but wins the role of buffy, and quickly goes on vacation. She is shocked to find she has become FAMOUS for the part. People are watching in EUROPE! Her main love interest is a VAMPIRE cursed with a soul!

OK, OK, it filmed its last season in 2003, but NOT before creating ANGEL in 1999. ANGEL was the name of the main vampire that was buffy's love interest. Apparently, THAT lasted until 2004. THEN, there were OTHER movies that have appeared since. I think that, by next season, there will be about 3 new series being shown, and Angel is STILL running in reruns!

SO, in short, being interested in vampires now is like being interested in harry potter a couple years ago.

Frankly, I don't see what the real interest is. Buffy and, to a lesser extent, angel, DO have some ties to things like autism in that some nice people are odd and interested in odd things and shunned for it. They DO end up helping people though.

I think that you are a bit afraid of what other people will think of 'you' when they notice your son likes (violent themed) action figures. Will they think you let him watch violent movies? Will they think you allow him to watch anything he wants? Will they think you encourage him to be aggressive and violent by letting him play with these toys?

You don't need to apologize for buying a toy your son enjoys. Nor do you need to explain what movies he watches. He gets a lot of pleasure from these action figures, and he doesn't care what other people think, so don't let yourself care either.

Boys have played with these kinds of toys and watched these kinds of movies for decades, it's what boys like. It's what YOUR boy likes. Let him enjoy it.

My parents made the mistake of shutting me up about my obsessions, when I was growing up. I had my netbook at the table and I have a picture of my favourite group as wallpaper. I was sitting in front of my netbook trying to hide the evidence. The thing that I'm trying to say, is that if you react negativley to your child's obsessions, it will affect him in the long run.

I agree with CockneyRebel, you should never shun or discorage a child'd special intrest/s. You're child will be anxious and depressed and will just grow up to hate and disown you.

I don't fully agree with Punkykat and Cockney because my mom also hated my obsessions and would shut me up about them and she took them away. She also made me feel ashamed of them but I don't hate her or disown her. Then she stopped taking them away and getting mad at me about them when I was 12. But she still limited me talking about them. She still shut me up and ask me to talk about something else.

I don't think people should be forced to hear about our obsessions because take it as would you want to listen to something you are not interested in? We don't want anyone forcing us to socialize and we know how dreadful that is to be forced in those situations so I bet it feels the same way when we expect them to hear about our obsessions all the time. I just think it's rude to expect people to listen to us about our obsessions but yet we don't do the same in return for them by listening to them what they want to talk about.

I think there is a diference between allowing your child to know you are not interested in hearing and remembering all the details about things in his special interest (which I have done, and he is allowed to talk anyway, just understand that I may not really be listening) and actively shutting off an interest. We still buy him things that he likes and encourage him; he just knows that mom and dad and sister don't really share the same obsession, and that he can't expect us to give tons of time to it like he ideally would like us to. When we do ask him to share it with us, its a treat to him.