inappropriate jokes and joking around

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Our teenage AS daughter has always found humor to be mysteriously intruiging to her. The only kind of humor she really understands is slapstick and things like sarcasm, or cynical humor she doesn't really "get". The problem at hand is that I'm not sure why, but she often tries to make jokes, and joke around. Perhaps more than often, perhaps frequently. Maybe its her way of trying to have some kind of forced conversation with the people around her? Maybe she's watched too many sitcoms and thinks thats how people have conversations? One person tells a joke, the person they are talking to tells a joke, and then back and forth again.

maybe she thinks that if people laugh at her jokes they'll like her more? Ok the BIG problem at hand is that the majority of her jokes are bad. REAL bad. They sound like some stream of consiousness attempt at making up some kind of odd humor. Its generally not funny and almost embarrassing to hear her say these odd jokes in public.

Occasionally she makes a joke that is very inappropriate. Say someone is on the news being interviewed and they're crying over the death of a loved one, our daughter will try to somehow make a joke out of it. What the heck is up with that? Do we tell her to just stop trying to be funny? I kinda feel like saying that because people that are truly funny are few and far between. You can't learn how to be funny. In high school the popular kids are often ones with a quick wit and maybe she's trying to emulate them? Any advice would be appreciated.

Tell her, in general,. what typesof jokes are offensive and what types are funny, subject-wise.

It's quite possible that she's emulating sitcoms and the like, but it's also possible, even likely, that she's trying to understand why some jokes work and others do not. For a while, my son tried emulating comic books, which is not as strange as it may sound because the emotions on display in a comic book are easy to understand for Aspies. Real-life faces and situations are rarely that easy to comprehend.

You should probably explain to her when it's not appropriate to joke but not stop her altogether. And it's hardly constructive to say (to her) that you can't learn how to be funny, because IMO, you can. Maybe you won't become a stand-up comedian but you can develop a sense of humor. One-liners, word games and puns of all kinds are not uncommon for Aspies.

Personally, I've always found joking about death funny but then I'm an Aspie and people around me tend to find lots of my jokes objectionable. And still, after 41 years, I don't always know when to stop, or when it is appropriate to joke. The difference is that I care less of what people think.

Quite a few years ago, while I was still having Psycottic Episodes, my Shrink was pushing me back into the Job Market. I was on a Work Experience and I've asked a Woman if a Submarine Sandwich made her Horny. I didn't tell my Mom the whole story, because I knew that if I did, she would have forbidded me to have anything more to do with Austin Powers. The truth came out, when I was at a Boxing Day Party, and I've told the whole story, when I was in a Drunken State, and my Mom just nodded her head, and said, "Yeah." Things went on as usual, and I wasn't denied my Austin Powers "Fun".

Well, I do this. Yes I get the jokes. Yes I think they're funny. Yes I sometimes go too far. Yes I apologize a lot. Yes I feign innocence. How old is she? This is my type of humour too. I do it more when I am nervous or angry or hell just naive... other times I just cant help myself.

I was lucky. My brain developed the gift of good-natured sarcasm in high school, so that my humor became actually humorous (I mean, to more than just myself). I can't really explain it. Fortunately it's one thing I'm not lacking in. Luck o' the draw I reckon.

Our daughter is 15 and it seems that lately her constant attempts at being humorous have accellerated in the last year or so. Nearly every other thing she says is an attempt at a joke or a humorous quip.

She simply tries too hard to be funny. She's memorized all the Austin Powers movies and out of the blue she'll just start quoting lines from the movie and then she looks at us expecting a reaction of some sort. I guess she expects us to start busting out laughing hysterically but instead we just stare back at her thinking "what the hell is she going on about". The sad thing is many of the jokes and humor in the Austin Powers movies she doesn't even "get". Often we'll be watching a comedy and all throughout the movie she'll be asking us, "why is that funny?" "Whats funny about that" "I don't get it"

It recently got pretty bad when she made a joke about abortion. To a pregnant woman!
Her mom and I just lose our patience sometimes. But then we feel guilty for not being patient enough.
Sometimes I think to myself that I can't wait for our daughter to just "grow up". I feel guilty about that though.

I think it would be helpful for her to know what kinds of jokes are completely inappropriate. That would at least keep her from offending people or coming off as aggressive/rude. Maybe she won't totally "get" why it's inappropriate to tell one joke when another one (which might seem the same to her) is perfectly OK, but at least she'd have a list in her head of what's "off limits".

Is she maybe just trying to find a way to "fit in" to conversation, and since small talk doesn't work for her she's trying humor? Our son is 11 and sadly has recently discovered the Austin Powers movies. He can be heard *roaring* from his bedroom, watching the same movie the 15th time. They are also at the age where off color or innuendo type jokes have their greatest appeal, AS or NT!

Has she been in any kind of social skills classes, or have you worked with her regarding "chit chat" conversation skills? Just an idea.

I agree that giving her ground rules is great too, we've told our son (because he would go up and ask women and men very personal questions) that you can't talk about anything outside the house that is covered by a bathing suit, on you or the other person. This has helped, some.

Good Luck!

I either use humor or discussion of topics to verbally interact with people. The humor is fairly successful, the "discussion" frequently gets pedantic, but neither of these provide very fluid interaction. To most people I am either "hilarious" or "very intelligent".

It sounds like you daughter is trying to fit in. She's studying humor and trying to discover the infamous Formula of Funny.

I know that humor can be 'discovered' or developed, but at what expense? At her age stupid jokes are more than a little embarrassing. Our son is 12 and every joke he makes up is really awful; no point-not funny-not even reasonable or outrageous; just nonsensical. His friend and aquaintances don't respond positively to it either. It ends up just making him look stupid. We are honest with him and tell him he's not funny. We explain to him that if someone got up to sing at church and really sucked would you want to hear them again? Should they be allowed to sing just because it's fun to them? How about the piano? Should someone play the piano for an audience because it feels good to their fingers and they like the way it sounds when they play; even though they don't know how and everyone else hates it? Now if they want to do it when they're by themselves, that's okay but if others don't like it then they should do these things privately. My son told the pastor of our small church one Sunday that he wanted to play a piano solo. Before we could do anything, the pastor said okay and he walked up to the piano and banged out some notes for about a minute. It was awful. I wasn't embarrassed though because if anyone is too dense to see that my son is "different" then they're daft. No one was upset by this anyway because it was a small church and we all knew each other fairly well. My boy was about 9 when this occurred and I didn't tell him till some time later that you don't just sit down and play a piano, you have to follow a tune and it has to make sense musically. He was shocked! He said he had no idea. I think it's the same with humor. Right now, at 12, he enjoys talking in a high voice like a girl. Everyone hates this, but he loves doing it. He can't understand why people don't think it's funny. I told him that it sounds dumb to us but if he likes it he can go out in the back shed or his bedroom and do it all he wants...so...he does and that's okay 'cause we don't hear him! What else can ya do?

Yes I definitely think our daughter is trying to fit into conversation. Even though we've given tried very hard to give her detailed instructions on how to participate in "small talk" I think she's substituting (or resorting to) humor in its place.

Its wild how similar my daughter is to aspiemom and Bland's sons in regard to this topic.

regarding Bland's comment about his son speaking in a girls voice... our daughter has an "anything British" fixation (originated with Harry Potter obsession) and she'll start speaking to us in a British accent (we're american).
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In an effort at "chit chat" one day, my son announced rather loudly, in the general direction of the bagboy at the grocery store checkout line, that he couldn't understand why his deoderant wasn't working that day. (nevermind it was a typical texas 112 in the shade summer day!).

He tries to emulate commercials, since commercials appear to talk to you, the viewer. He's always done that. With mixed success. He's not allowed in the health and beauty aids aisle anymore. I can't tell you what it's like to have your 10 year old son try and argue over absorbency with you in public

Aspiemom1 wrote: He's not allowed in the health and beauty aids aisle anymore. I can't tell you what it's like to have your 10 year old son try and argue over absorbency with you in public
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That is hilarious! I would not be embarrassed by this at all but would be laughing so hard I would need something EXTRA SUPER absorbent!!

Oh yeah, he's a real ribtickler.

The killer is, we're always afraid to laugh because he may not have *intended* to be funny then he has a meltdown that we are laughing AT him. So now he's learned to either try and laugh at his own joke, or better yet, just say "I made a funny". Because his laugh, well it can be downright scary.

Well, understood, Aspiemom1. Fortunately, my AS 12-year-old son is pretty clueless and likes to laugh along with us at himself. In our household, you have to have a pretty thick skin or you won't survive very well!