The End Of Daycare Looms...

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My girlfriend's 10 year old son, Billy, is an Aspie. In June, we are moving in together and he will be going to a new school. The entire time he has been in school, he has gone to daycare. Mom drops him off on her way to work, they put him on the bus and he gets off there after school, and she picks him up after work. Daycare in this area will only take kids up to 12, I believe. When he turns 13, well, lets just say we are a bit concerned with him having 2 hours at home alone.

What did you do when your kids turned 13? What options are generally available?

Thanks.

It really depends on how reliably behaved he is. I let my twelve year old Aspie walk back and forth to school, and when he's not in trouble he is allowed to go to the library or the local game shop, but there is no way in hell I would leave him home alone.

In the last two years we have caught him with matches, lighters and a long list of random things that do not belong to him. Including about three weeks worth of food stored in his closet (which was thankfully shelf stable stuff like granola bars/cereal bars and beef jerky.)

I would say try to change his routine as little as possible until he is used to the new place, and then depending on how long he'll be home by himself you might have to hire a sitter. There is also the possibility of some other type of after school program though. Plus 13 is still a little ways off for you.

MorbidMiss is right, it really depends on the child. My 12 year old can be safely home alone for an hour or two, or even left in charge of his sister, but he stresses out if asked to that too often, and certainly cannot be asked to do that for meal or bed times. Also, I'm never more than a 5 minute drive away ... that makes a difference. I wouldn't do it if I was further. Still, some kids this age (mostly NT, I suppose) are already babysitting, so part of it is learning to let go a little. Talk to the child and see what he feels ready for.

It is a big shock to loose childcare, but more and more organizations are starting to realize that maybe Middle School kids shouldn't be left without options. Boys and Girls Clubs of America run many after school programs for Middle School kids, and some communities have community centers. If you feel comfortable with him walking from point A to point B, you can also sign him up for after school classes and activities. Another option is the children's room at the library ... many kids from my son's middle school walk there on a regular basis. Specialty game stores are another thing to look into.

If he has any kids he gets along well with, the Middle School equivalent of play dates are good. Parents are regularly calling each other to see if kids can "go home together" because they have to work. We have two families we do this with (all of us moms work part time, so it's always a hit or miss who is working when).

And, of course, there is hiring someone. Perhaps a local college student, if you have any. Just someone to be there with the child, and it's fine if they work on their own homework, etc.

You could see about getting him into any after school programs at the school. The school may also have programs in conjunction with a local community center (our local schools will bus kids either to the local neighborhood house or the Y for the "book buddy" program). Libraries also usually have some kind of after school program, or at least are more than happy to have kids quietly hang out. Also, as we live in a city, several businesses volunteer as "safe spots" (I'm not sure this is the correct term. It means that they have gone through some program or agreement with the local police as being a safe spot for kids to hang out for up to 2 hours after school. Usually these are diners or coffee shops, places cops like to go to for coffee and don't mind checking on kids now and then.

I stayed home alone from age 10. As long as you trust him it's not an issue. In fact, by 13 I was baby-sitting quite frequently and caring for younger children.

Another idea would be to look into a respite care worker.

Hey Jimbeaux, I had/have similar concerns with my son. In my case, I work about 10 minutes away from home and fortunately my employer gives me much flexibility to manage my own schedule, so I met my son at home after school every day for several weeks, explained clearly my expectations, and got him into a reasonable routine. Routine is everything. Once this was established, I would show up after school on random days to check in on him. At this point he's pretty self sufficient and I trust him enough to be responsible, but I still pop in on him every so often. If you don't have this flexibility, one suggestion would be to find a high-school aged babysitter who would be willing to house-sit after school. Good luck!