my son asking about his diagnosis in a very healthy way!

Post Reply New Topic

We had a really interesting experience yesterday.

We came home after spending most of the day at church, and my son got on the computer and started researching autism and asperger's -- and while he was doing so, had a big conversation with us (his parents) about his diagnosis. This is fascinating in that about six months ago or less, we had a short conversation with our son and told him about his diagnosis for the first time, and at that stage, it was kind of a non-issue for him. He showed very little interest in the subject, and we thought that was fine -- just let him show interest whenever he feels like it.

Well, yesterday, he felt like it! And it was really cool because he was just intellectually interested, very pragmatic, and was reading something about the five levels of autism to see where he fit in, and he was also noticing where some of his friends fit on the spectrum (and they do, whether they are diagnosed officially or not). I showed him some video of Clay Marzo, the professional surfer who also has Asperger's, and that was fun to watch with him. And then, after a half an hour or so, we were done! He went off to go do other stuff in the house,

Have any other parents out there had similar experiences with their kids?

I wish. My son wants nothing more than to be ordinary. For him being different means abuse from peers. If I even mention Asperger's he all but puts his fingers in his ears and says la la la. His special interest is military history though, and he is not about to give that up.

is a valid stage of the grief process. when those of us on the spectrum realize that it's not so much that we want to be "normal" it's that we want to be valued and accepted and not judged first based on our areas of difficulty- I think that's when real healing can begin. because there will always be a segment of the population that views us as defective and not quite human.

Aimless, I love the mental picture of your son with his fingers in his ears saying la la la. Best visual ever.

My 8 year old son has been asking about his diagnosis over the past couple of months and has been reading a couple of the books I got for him. He tells people he has Asperger's, but the other day he asked why some other children laugh when he tells them. He doesn't understand that (neither do I), and was particularly confused that one girl in his class laughed as she is diabetic and no one laughs about that. I'm going to phone his teacher and suggest that she discuss "difference" with the class in a positive way without being too heavy about it. My son seems to have told quite a lot of his classmates.

He does seem relieved to have the diagnosis and last night he told me that it's good because "I always knew I was weird and now I know why".

We were at a church ceilidh recently and in the midst of a conversation with a couple there, when the man teased him a little and said he maybe wasn't as smart as he thought he was, my son told him very seriously that he had Asperger's and that meant that he had average or above average intelligence. This man's wife couldn't keep a straight face at that one. She's the Sunday School teacher and has said to me that my son is very intelligent. The conversation was about a "Most Handsome Competition" which my son had decided to organise, and which he won!

marcia, I LOVE the story about your son. "Most Handsome Competition!" That's great.

I totally relate to the story about the man at church playfully teasing your son. People do this to my son all of the time at church, in a very loving way, and for the longest time, my son didn't "get it." He's almost 14 now, and he's figured out how to respond. He may not "get it" still, but he laughs anyway. It breaks the tension, and gives the impression that he understands the joke.

Whenever I talk about my son's diagnosis, I tell him that he doesn't need to tell other people about it. My reasoning is that most people don't know anything about Asperger's, and they usually just won't understand what it all means. Heck, I still don't fully understand what it all means. If somebody inquires, genuinely, then by all means my son should explain things. But, negative responses will usually be the norm, and we know it. ALSO, he has LOTS of friends who are on the spectrum, but undiagnosed, or even diagnosed but the information is not public knowledge -- and so as he recognizes the Aspie traits in his friends, he needs to be reminded that they are entitlted to their privacy, and he shouldn't discuss their "traits" with them or others.