Getting him to hold a pencil and write his name

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So as some of you know, my little boy will be moving into his sister's Montessori classroom soon. The potty training is almost done, and he will join the class after spring break. He is very excited about the uniforms and his backpack and cup, and playing with the toys there. He's been helping drop her off all year and has become fond of her teacher and tolerates the other kids (who seem to like him just fine, not that he seems terribly concerned with socializing). The one thing we are facing a challenge on is that at the beginning of the day, each child is to write his or her name on a piece of paper and put it in a basket. Which would be fine, except his motor skills leave much to be desired at this age (and considering his motor delay), so normally the teacher or I would help him hold the pencil and guide his hand to spell his name. The problem is this: He is SO NOT A FAN of having someone stick something in his hand and then hold his hand while they make it move the way they want it to. He is so turned off by this idea that even when I tell him that I will write his name out first and he can copy it holding his own pencil, he has a huge meltdown and refuses to try. (We've been trying to practice at home so he won't end up hitting the teacher when she tries to help him.)

Since he has not technically been diagnosed (the specialist has a nine-month wait!), we can't bring in a piece of paper and tell the school, "You need to do things X way because he has a disability." I am relying on the teacher's flexibility alone for any accommodations (luckily she is very understanding, but there ARE rules and routines in any classroom and he is going to have to learn to write eventually). So I would LOVE it if any parents have tips, other than what I've tried, to help get a child to pick up a pencil and attempt writing his name. He is happy to scribble away as long as he's not being told what to do with his marker or pencil. Thanks in advance!

How small does his name have to be?

Generally it is easier to hold a larger marker and write in large letters then making small letters. Would the teacher be fine with him getting a fine point marker and writing his name large across a full sized sheet of paper?

And so it begins ... Maybe. Sigh.

It could be a normal developmental difference, or it could be something more.

My son actually didn't have a problem writing his name at that age, doing the very normal growing letters pattern, but it froze in time and by kindergarten he was giving serious rebellion to the concept of writing. This is what drove our IEP and discovery of AS (at the start of 2nd grade).

Talk to your son's pediatrician or an OT about the possibility of hypermobility as a co-morbid. Basically, loose joints. The same condition that allowed my son to learn to sit up as an infant through a center split, it turns out, makes writing physically painful for him and holding a pencil inherently ackward. The sooner you become aware of the issue, if it exists, the better chance you'll have of helping him work around it and learn what he needs to learn - hopefully, anyway. There are exercises and things that can be done, although I don't know how much good they do - I think we got into all that way too late to make any difference. This is the one thing that really burdens my son. If there is any chance that the condition exists and the burden can be lessened through early intervention, grab it.

Meanwhile, I would think the teacher can be flexible on this. It's preschool; they should be. And Montessori; the whole philosophy is supposed to be flexible. Maybe give him a stamp with his name on it that he can use to stamp the paper.

Tracker -- the paper is about a third of a sheet, so big enough for some pretty large letters. Even with a full sheet, he doesn't want to try it. I think he was so put off by the teacher's ill-advised attempt to help him hold the pencil that he now just doesn't want anything to do with writing, period. She just doesn't GET that he doesn't love physical contact the way his sister does.

DW_a_mom -- I don't know about painful, but it's definitely uncomfortable for him. I can relate, because when people try to help me swing a golf club or what-have-you, it causes me to feel very tense and irritable (however, I do have the good sense not to scream and hit them, which is more than I can say for a three-year-old). He took a long time to figure out how to use his fork or color with a marker, but he's been doing both those things OK since the fall. I really like the idea of the stamp that you suggested, and will run it past his teacher. Hopefully, if I mention to her that it may be physically uncomfortable or painful for him to manipulate the pencil, she will be on board with that. In the meanwhile, I will keep suggesting that he copy my handwriting so that the hand-guiding doesn't even have to be an issue if she's firm on the name-writing. I cannot WAIT to get an IEP, or whatever the Canadian equivalent is.

We have handwriting issues too with my 6 year-old AS daughter. She can do a decent age-appropriate job when she takes her time, but she always writes quickly. She's been writing words since she was three, and writing prolificly since age 4, so now it's just natural for her to write rapidly in all caps since she's been doing it that way for about three years. She's very sensitive to criticism about her handwriting, no matter how gentle. Even suggestions upset her. She's homeschooled so we don't have to deal with this issue in school. We're considering OT (which insurance won't cover most likely) but I'm hoping it improves with time. We do handwriting worksheets in our lessons every day.

But as for the question the OP asked... do you really need a formal diagnoses to ask the school for a slight accomodation? Couldn't you explain the long wait for the specialist, or just say that handwriting is difficult for him because his coordination is delayed? Maybe you could get a letter from the pediatrician if you needed "proof."

Are they harassing him about how he holds his pencil? I've never held mine the "proper" way and it drove my fourth grade "special education" teacher nuts. No one should be told how to hold their pencil. As an artist, how I hold my instrument is a personal and intimate thing. No one has the right to tell me or anyone else how to hold their pencil/paintbrush or whatever.

Does he eventualy expirence pain when he tries to write? Can he write "neatly" for a little while and then cannot. If so, he probably could qualify for accodomations for dysgraphia.

He doesn't hold it "properly," but nobody's tried to mess with his grip. All the teacher did was reach for his hand (she wasn't able to even touch him) and that was enough to trigger a meltdown. He's not in preschool yet; he will be starting in three weeks. I tried again this evening when he was in a better mood, just writing his name and asking him to copy the letters on his own, but he just scribbled over them. Oh, well. At least he held the marker and put it to paper! He doesn't have the best fine motor skills (or large, for that matter) and I think he feels defeated looking at five letters that he is supposed to copy. So, to spectrumites reading this: Do you think it would make it more manageable for him, and less intimidating, if we just worked on drawing one letter a day until we've mastered all five, and then start putting them together?

As for your second question, PunkyKat, I haven't noticed any pain while he's using a pencil or marker. As he doesn't write or draw per se, just scribbles at this point, I couldn't say whether he starts out neatly or not. When he "colors," he just kind of scribbles back and forth in overlapping zigzaggy strokes and it doesn't seem to be harder for him after awhile, so my guess would be no. But that's all it is, a guess.

My son is in special needs pre-k, and what they do is write his name with a yellow highlighter and then let him trace over it. He is almost 5 and really just started writing his name about 2 mos. ago. I think the idea of learning one letter at a time is a good one. I have learned with my son that I have to break things down one step at a time, and let him master that, and then move on to the next. I think if you explain to the teacher that he has some fine motor delays, then maybe she will relax a little. He is still only in pre-school after all. I think if the learning is made fun for him, then he may enjoy it more rather than being stressed out about it so early on. I am happy to hear that he is going to start pre-k. Good luck to you!

Angelbear - I love the idea of the yellow highlighter. That seems like something we could present to him as a game! Thanks for mentioning that; I may try it today. And to all the people have offered suggestions, thanks so much. This is really the ONE thing that seems like it will make preschool difficult for him, so if I can just get him to where he participates in it somewhat, I think we'll be ready to roll.

Here's a trick for getting him to write, which my son loved. (He was late holding pens too.) Get some icing sugar, put it in a seive, and sift it over a black surface... a tray, or a table top. Get him to lick his finger and write in the icing sugar.

It actually helped my son get used to moving the hand to make signs, and then holding the horrible pen didn't seem so bad, since he was used to mark making. It's a step to normalise the writing process, and in our case it did work.

my son is in grade 1 and hated writing stuff and would cause a big problem for himself and the teacher when he had to write, we found that using the larger pencils (primary printer) or one that is slightly larger than normal but has a triangular shape has helped him out cause it used to be uncomfortable for him to write for very long and the triangle helps to learn a more proper grip. also what about trying different pencil grip shapes, usually in educational stores (techer supply type places) they have several different sizes and shapes of pencil grips to fit over a regular pencil to help with grip or even cushioning the grip too, which might make it easier.