A rude mouth.

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The 10 year old being rude is getting out of control! instead of no mom it's NO! (she doesn't mean to say it rudely but NO in a harsh tone is rude) it's small stuff like this that really agitate my parents. Me being rude sometimes doesn't help the situation and sometimes I'm blamed for the 10 year olds rude behavior (since she sees it in me and how I treat my parents) They sent her to her to room to bed early (the rudeness has lead to no tv/phone privleges it's getting out of hand!! !!) As of late I myself have taken to do as other Aspies "scripting" example instead of saying mom you need to write that letter I "scripted" Maybe when we get home I can help you write that letter. scripting is SO HARD! but obviously a 10 year old doesn't understand she's rude (as I tend not to know aswell) We're (mainly mom/dad are at wits end please help!! !! !) BTW IMO yelling and making the 10 year old cry and yell back doesn't help the situation but I try to keep out of it since even stepping in the room this evening I heard GO TO YOUR ROOM NOW GO!! !! !! (I preceded to go have a meltdown and cried into a pillow)

I'm kind of on a different plain than many families, in that I don't think it's a big deal if my kids talk rude to me. They can't be expected to be "on" 24/7, and I would rather they behave well in public and when others are around. Home is the safe place. Ok, that is necessary with my AS son, and maybe not so much with my NT daughter, but, still, at some point she has to be able to express her frustration, too, doesn't she?

So, basically, words matter a lot less than actions. I don't care if she is rude or tells me no (as long as she isn't swearing or being abusive), but she still has to do what she is supposed to do. If she tells me "no" because it makes her feel better, and then sits down and does whatever it was anyway, fine. I'll deal. It's called picking your battles, and every good parent learns to pick their battles in one way or another; this is just mine.

The problem is when a parent has allowed the whole thing to run out of control. A child who feels they can never express themselves and never win will give up and simply stop listening. When things are escalating in the manner you've described, that tends to be the problem: a child who feels they can't win, anyway, so why even try? To stop that, your parents would need to sit down and get their priorities straight, and carefully lay them out, and then stick to them. They may be expecting too much, and enforcing with consistency too little. We all fall into that trap, and what you are seeing is usually the result.