Discipline for the disabled

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My son attends a public school outside of Jersey City (5th grade). When a NT kid steps out of line, they are quick to suspend or expell or do whatever is needed. Well, there's this kid who was in an autistic support classroom that seems to have a touch of ADHD about him. They mainstreamed him and now he raises pure hell in the general ed classrooms and nothing gets done about it. My son, who is also mainstreamed from autie support, is scared to death of this boy to the point to where he can't concentrate. This other boy doesn't bother him personally because he's quiet and not competitive. But I feel it's just not right. Is there some kind of law saying that school officials can't correct kids with disabilities?? The teachers go to bat for this boy all the time. I think he knows what he's doing and he's playing them for chumps. Am I being a witch about this?? Maybe I don't know what I'm talking about? Soembody please help. Even some of the sneakier, NT boys use him as their "enforcer", because he'll do whatever they ask without question. Then, he gets away with it. Those other naughty kids win by using him to do the dirty work.

I would share your observation - about how the NT boys are using this child - with the teachers. There is a difference between respecting someone's differences and allowing behavior that is destructive to the other kids. The things my son is allowed to do because of his IEP pretty much affect only him, although they may be annoying or a little distracting to other kids: stimming at his desk, skipping certain work, etc. When he was talking too much that was too disturbing to the rest of the class and everyone worked with him on it - gently, but definitely worked on it. If he were to ever punch a kid, he would have the same consequence as any other child. Some things just cannot be accepted in a mainstream environment, although certainly we would be looking at how to address the circumstances that led up to the punch, as well - an effort that might not be made as strongly for a child without a special need.

Of course we want to be sensitive to the needs of that child and his family - he could be any of us , but that doesn't mean the needs of everyone else get thrown away. Schools should constantly be looking for a balance, and systems that work for everyone, as best as possible. If you approach the school from the point of view that you want to be understanding for this child, but that things are going on that are not in anyone's best interest, they may be less defensive and more willing to brainstorm potential solutions.

Also be aware that just because you can't see something being done, does not mean nothing is. Ask questions, don't demand.

Your son has a right to feel safe at school, too.

I work in a public school and we have two children on the autism spectrum in a prek-k class. It's funny to me because the teacher I work with (I'm the assistant) often doesn't know what to do with these kids. And more often than not, I do know how to help. I think having come to an understanding that what best works with my own daughter is firm boundaries and for my no to mean no and my yes to mean yes....helps. the teacher sometimes gets into things where she tries to change the rules just a little for the oldest guy...and he goes right after that loophole (which is the same as what my daughter always did). I explained to the teacher one day that he really reminds me of my daughter sometimes and that what works for her is sticking to the rules. If you vear away from the rules for any reason, she thinks its an absolute...you can vear away from any rule. But if she knows the rules and they are non-changing, she will try and live by them. I think what happens is educators feel either 'sorry' for the differently abled or put upon because they aren't 'special ed' teachers, and it's hard on the classroom and they have to adjust.