Social Skills and Sound Sensitivities killing us.

Post Reply New Topic

I have a son who I think is an Aspie. If not, he does have lots of sensory issues. He is 8 years old. We had him tested by a neurophsycologist at 3 1/2yrs, who said he was fine, but we have had nothing but problems with him in school. He has always been great verbally and started reading at 3, so to adults in a small group setting, he comes across as precocious and cute. Put him in a noisy classroom or in an activity and he becomes the oddest/quirkiest, most emotional kid in the class. He is very outgoing, mostly because he has no self awareness. However, he does not have any fixations. He will talk about any subject and will show an interest in others and ask them questions about their life. He has a great sense of humor, understands jokes and doesn't seem to take a figure of speech literally. He does have poor eye contact. He can rattle off everything he is suppose to do and can rationalize why he shouldn't act in certain ways, but in the moment, he will fall back to his old habits. I am trying to find a soial skills class for him to go to.

His teacher is nice and tries to accomodate. She gives him lots of chances, but bottom line hasn't ever contacted our OT to get some ideas and feedback and still doesn't really get it, despite repeated attempts for us to get them together and us trying to give her tips on working with him. I feel badly because I learned that her husband died unexpectantly a year ago. I think she may be overwhelmed as her class is always in much more disarray than his twin brother's class. My son is very unorganized and her class is louder and more unorganized, which I don't think is helping him. However, it is an improvement over last year's teacher where we lived prior. She was completly old school when it came to teaching, very anal and saw my son as nothing but a disruption to her orderly class. She had zero tolerance for him and thought he was a product of poor parenting. We had to have a meeting with the Vice Principal who had a special ed background to calm the situation down and it as a rough year. One of the reasons we moved was due to the military like characteristics of that school. In some ways having a laid back teacher has been nice after last year, but we really need someone in the middle. His grades are too good for the school to agree to evaluate him even though the teacher really wanted to so he could go to a social skills class they offer there before school once a week. His teacher says his behaviour reminds her of the Aspie kids she has seen come through the school. He tends to get in the most trouble when he is frustrated and can't control his mouth. He uses a rude tone and has a quick anger flare up where he will raise his voice to disagree and then he is over it as fast. It is like he is a teenager already. We are probably going to have him evaluate on our on again and then use that to push the school to do an eval, but I am researching to find someone good.

We have been going to OT/PT twice a week for 6 months at a place that has a lot of sensory trained OTs. I am wondering if my expactations are too much. They did an inital 2 hour eval on him for sensory and physical deficits. We went over the report and made a game plan to come twice a week and reevaluate in 6 months. I mentioned then that we really need to work on his sound sensitivity as it as our number 1 issue. We have 5 kids. My son is a twin and we also have 5 year old triplets. Our house is loud often and his anger toward his sibs is killing us. We can't even sing in the car some days without him going off. Yesterday, his 5 year old brother was practicing counting to 100 and he went off on him. We bought him headphones and an MP3 for the car, but then he wants to turn the music up until it will damage his hearing so he can't hear of us even a little bit. I have helped out in his class and seen how his sound sensitivities make him do one of three things. He will block everything out and miss all class instruction, he will make his own noises, or he will get irritated and short-tempered. Most of the 2nd grade stuff he already knows. However, he now has a C in science because he did poorly on 2 science papers about Deciduous trees because the teacher taught the whole thing by overhead projector and I imagine he tuned it out. I have repeatedly told her that if she gives him stuff in writing, he will read it and learn it. There is going to be instruction he needs to listen to the older he gets. We have to make some advancement in this area.

When we started OT/PT, we told them we wanted him to do a listening program to see if we could help some of his sound sensitivites. They tried it a handful of times, off and on, and said he really didn't like it and they haven't done anything since. I had to push to finally get them to use Interactive Metronome to try to organize him and still it isn't every visit. While his handwriting can be sloppy, he can do a good job when he takes his time. It seems like all his OT does is work on fine motor with handwriting or doing arts and crafts (which he loves and it is not difficut to get him to listen and pay attention for.) The PT mostly does gym work . They started talking to him and us about "How does your Engine Run" back in Oct. and then dropped it. He has low body awareness an I was hoping this would help, but after a brief talk about engine speeds, we never heard anything else about it until I started getting frustrated about him getting into more trouble at school now than he did this past fall and how I wasn't seeing any progress. They then brought it back up and said they never really did anything with it. Their theory is we need to build up his vestibular and proprioceptive systems so he can function and so we have been doing tons of excercises for the last 6 months. I realize he does need this, but it seems like we have more mostly trial and error during this time.

Now for my questions:

Is listening therapy beneficial or just one of many million of things out there to try and hope it helps?

Is there any other ways to decrease sound sensitivity?

I am thinking about moving to an in network OT/PT so I won't have to keep paying the astronomical above allowable charges this place has. We were willing to pay them because they were suppose to have all this specialization, but I am not seeing our money's worth. I am not expecting a miracle cure, but I did think some forward progress would be made after 6 months other than increased core strength. My son is attuned enough that he is asking for tools to help him. He doesn't want to be in trouble at school. We told them that back in July. They are still telling me they haven't really found what will help my son yet. Have I not given them enough time? I am not talking about quiting altogether, but moving someplace in network that still has Interactive Metronome, Listening Program, etc. It is difficult because I have talked to some Moms with autstic kids that have many more challenges than my son and they think this place is the best, but I am not seeing it in our experience. I am trying to not let the bad days and emotions rule my decisions, but this has been my on going feelings for a few months now.

Also, has anyone ever heard of The Sensory Learning Program? There is a place that offers that here, but I am unsure if I believe the claims.

I know this is a lot. We have been going through a bad spell and I am feeling overwhelmed at the moment.

Your post is excellent and you sound like a great parent.

In terms of your son's teacher, that is a hard topic. Classroom management is an art - something that is very hard to do. On one hand, students need the adaptation to be allowed to talk, so traditional teachers aren't for everyone. On the other hand, students need the adaptation of a quiet environment to work, so more progressive teachers aren't for everyone. It's really hard to find the teachers that can find a balance of being not a brick wall or a jellyfish. It's also hard to critique a teacher - a lot of people will critique teachers yet have no professional knowledge on the topic and no classroom experience. I guess everyone goes through the school system and thinks they should have a say, but a lot of people come off as ignorant when they talk about teachers. Possibly you son should be allowed to leave the classroom when he has to work -maybe a desk just outside of the class. He can get earphones as well - at that age students wont make fun of him (depending on the school of course). Earphones sometimes look like the type that you would see at a construction site.

I would make the school do the evaluation - you should not have to bend over backwards for this. Talk to the principal and try and build a relationship. If he/she doesn't give, then play hardball and go straight to the school board or superintendent. School services have to serve all students - not just the one's that are failing.

Listening therapy is valuable. Listening skills should be taught to both kids on the ASD and not. The most skilled, empathetic people in the work force are the one's that know how to listen - it should be taught in the school curriculum (and like is, but ignored). I would definitely recommend listening therapy for many years.

I don't believe you can change sensitivity to sensory issues. They will change as your child ages. You can change the coping strategies to these issues and teach him how to respond to sensory issues. This is where social skills classes are important. Write up situations where he is frustrated (frustration is what sensory issues manifest themselves as), draw some pictures/create social stories and work from there. And then practice, practice, practice.

I'm really not sure you can change sensory issues. Quite obviously, if a person with an ASD is repeatedly exposed to a sensory experience, their behavior may change. Behavioral psychology does not have a particularly good or just history. Whether it is a positive or negative change is beyond me. Cruel or humane? I don't know.

You are miles ahead of me on the listening therapy so my honest answer is "I don't know." I suspect that it is untested and unproven, because most of what is being offered to spectrum kids is. If you feel it works, great. If your instincts are telling you it is getting nowhere - listen to your instincts. NOTHING works for everyone, and you are so well researched that information is no longer going to be the deciding factor, IMHO. It's how it all applies to your one unique child, and you are in the best position to figure that out.

On the second question, I say no, there is no known way to decrease sound sensitivity. These issues tend to be about learning coping strategies and trying to modify the world to suit one's needs. You've already got the earphones, so now you work the other angles. Can he tune out noise better if he's chewing on something (my son can)? And so on. Experiment. See what works with your one unique child. If he can't adapt to the environment, then you must find environments that adapt to him. I just don't know any better way.

I have not heard of the Sensory Learning Program specifically, but will repeat what our pediatrician told us some 8 years ago: there is nothing in sensory therapies that a parent well tuned into their child isn't going to figure out for themselves. Now, I'm not quite as against sensory therapy as he was, but he certainly had a point: what our kids need most is someone who knows them well enough to see what the one unique child needs. A therapist can't do that. They follow protocols based on norms and averages. We, however, are in the unique position to see how the child deals with all sorts of varied situations and inputs. Is a professional partner useful in sorting through all that? I think so. But the professional partner cannot replace the first line of defense, which is you and what you know about your child. Don't let the world of therapy and intervention take your focus off of that one simple reality.

As for school evaluation, keep pushing. Your child should have an IEP. While the school doesn't normally instigate investigation for kids who are performing just fine, a parent can push through that. What you need is to find something on the "list" for them to start from. In our case, it turned out to be pragmatic speech. Another option considered was gap between IQ and performance (if it's wide enough, it's on the "list."). Autistic Spectrum Disorders are on the list, at least in my state. We pushed the rock out of it's position in the dirt at the top of the hill, but once it was rolling, we were lucky to find our school's special education team completely on board.

Have you considered ear plugs? I know I use ear plugs whenever I go flying, or operate heavy machinery and it really helps me out. Ear muffs might be a bit obvious, but you can get ear plugs that are skin colored and sit down inside the ear so you really can't see them.

My 5 minute search turned up these:
http://www.amazon.com/Etymotic-Research ... 56&sr=8-29

They are hi-fidelity so the noise reduction is flat across all frequencies. Basically that means everything sounds the same, except quieter. They supposedly reduce the sounds by 20 decibels, which is about the difference between talking loudly and talking softly. The pair I use has a 30 decibel reduction and I can still hear people and have a normal conversation just fine, so a 20 decibel reduction shouldn't be a problem. They are also smaller then normal ear plugs so they are designed to fit children. They are blue with a clear stem, so I am not exactly sure how obvious they will be. Theoretically the blue portion will sit inside the ear so the only thing seen will be the clear stem. In any case, it is only 4 bucks, which might be worth the investment.

Of course you can browse the internet and find something else if you don't like the suggestion.

As for the teacher problem, couldn't you ask that he be transferred to a different classroom with a different teacher? Unless my understanding of the school system is incorrect, parents do have that option. Would he get along with his twin brother well enough that they can be in the same class?

As far as programs designed to resolves the Sensory Integration Dysfunction (which I believe is what your describing) I am afraid I have no helpful advice. I never received any such therapies. However, I can tell you that you can grow up, and live life just fine without getting any extra help. There are far worse things in life then having to type things out because your hand writing is horrible.

Also, I forgot to mention this: For the car trips, you could probably get him a set of ear muffs (the kind that fit over your ears like a cup). That would allow him to listen to music from his ear buds without turning them up to a level which is dangerous to his hearing in order to block you out. As I said before, the ear muffs might not be the greatest thing to use in school, but for car rides, or activities with just the family, it should be fine.

Thanks for all the replies.

DW-mom
You have said what I have repeated to my husband. I have researched all this stuff and there is this theory or that theory and people who have had success with it swear by it, making me conclude that having a parent willing to do what it takes it more important probably than what therapy is used. Does that make sense?

Tracker
As for earplugs, I have purchased various of the cheap kinds as a try out and what is the most frustrating is that he doesn't care for most of the solutions in these cases either. Perhaps some nicer ones will help. However, I still have to find ways for him to attend to at least some verbal learning.

We might ask for the boys to be together next year. The principal has let me decide and I have kept them apart because it is difficult to not notice his twin who is also smart, but without all the sensory frustrations and so he so much easier to deal with and eclipses his brother. His brother was born twice the size he as and everything has come so easily for him, while this son has a new medical issue each year. We worry about teacher comparisons and the NT twin feeling like a caregiver. However, they also tend to have this ying and yang effect that has developed. My son tends to get his NT twin to be more imaginative and loosen up. To "think outside the box", while the NT twin tends to calm his brother down and tell him when something might not be a good idea.

It has been difficult because most of his sensitiviies started to become noticeable when I had the triplets. However, even though we knew about the sensitivities, it was difficult to know if the rest of his behaviour was due to the family change or something else, which is why we had him tested at 3 1/2. Poor kid is never going to find much peace and quiet in our house. He truly is a different person when you take him someplace by himself than when we go as a family.

How would he feel about ear muffs at home?

If he doesn't like ear plugs because they feel funny, then the alternative of ear muffs might work. Obviously earmuffs would stand out a bit and probably be problematic at school, but wearing them when in the car, or at home, or in other non-public places might help.

I basically agree, except that I think parents who allow themselves to be consumed by spending money and going so far outside of their own families are making a mistake. I feel strongly that the priority should be getting hands on with your child. However, I also know that every parent is unique - just as every child is - so some may need to choose the outer route. I just hate having all the therapies and treatments sold so hard to all families, because it creates this illusion that what you need is endless money and access to all sorts of questionable professionals if you want any hope of your child maximizing their potential, and that assumption is plain wrong, and can be outright destructive.

Overall, yes, the level of dedication of a parent to their child makes a huge difference.

And reading your other posts ... if there is any chance of the one child getting a small, well insulated room he can call his own, I would do it. Our neighbors have 4 girls - 3 share a large room and one has a closet size room to herself, and they are all totally happy with that set up. It makes living in a busy, social, household (in a very small house) do-able for the one with sensory issues.

Right now he shares a room with his twin and his younger brother. The younger brother was added when we moved to this house. We have an extra bedroom and have thought of giving him a room by himself, but at this age, no matter how we wrap it up, he sees it as a punishment. Also, he and his twin have always shared a room. None of my kids want their own room right now. In a few years, they will be fighting for that extra room.

I do send him to his room when he is having trouble pulling himself together or being very difficult to get along with. I know he sees it as punishment, but in truth, he has a whole room full of books and he always just reads quietly and is able to return calmer. I have been trying to put a positive spin on it and explain to him I just want him to go relax. His room would actually be the quietest place in the house. It is over the garage and in a corner of the house. It is all in the presentation. I am trying to do better to not send him up in the heat of the moment, but when all 5 are going at one another, sometimes it is the easiest way to get calm.

It is also difficult because we spend a lot of time in the car going to and from his OT appointments or to activities. I know our car rides will get easier as the trio gets older. It already has gotten easier since they entered Kindergarten this year and learned not to talk over one another as much. Geesh, the noise level gets too much for me too. Those three are like magpies and sometimes never quit talking.

I am not sure if our family make-up is a blessing or a curse for him. On one hand, I wonder if he would be as social as he is if he hadn't always had a twin and then lots more sibs only 2 1/2 years younger. On the other hand, I sometimes think he needed to be in a nice, only child family.

So... is that a no on the ear muffs?

I'm not sure on the ear muffs. I will have to ask him about them. It will probably depend on how they feel. I wonder if I can find any this late in the winter.

I think I was unclear.

I didn't mean earmuffs as in the kind you use to keep your ears warm. I mean ear muffs as in the kind you use to keep out loud noises, like these:

http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_ss_i_ ... efix=ear+m

They are available year round from the internet, and any hardware store. They also come in kids sizes. Also, they are extremely comfortable. I wore ear muffs whenever I worked in the machine lab (over the ear plugs). They can easily be worn for hours with no problem, and I actually liked using them more then the ear plugs. Its a shame you can't wear them in public without people thinking your crazy.

Oops sorry. My thinking cap wasn't on.

It's a common misconception that a child can only get special education if they are failing or struggling academically. Umm, what about gifted children? They are given services because failure to modify the curriculum leaves them behind academically although they may be making straight A+ in all regular education classes- hello, they either know it already or learned it in a ridiculously fast manner

Up to 84% of adults on the Autism Spectrum (that includes Aspies) are unemployed or underemployed. This includes people who have doctorate degrees.

My point being, what's the point of education if you aren't taught adaptive behaviors, including social adaptive behaviors such as self-advocacy and asking for assistance with difficult situations? You can't hold a job without certain skills.

FEDERAL LAW (IDEA 2004) mandates services for children who's education is impacted by Autism, if the child has the appropriate diagnosis. Asperger Syndrome is a sub-type of Autism (is not and has not ever been considered a truly separate disorder). EDUCATIONAL ACHIEVEMENT IS FEDERALLY DEFINED AS ACADEMICS, ADAPTIVE SKILLS, COMMUNICATION SKILLS, AND SOCIAL SKILLS. This was much more clearly defined in IDEA 2004. Visit http://www.eshow2000.com/asha/2006/hand ... 101912.pdf for more information. Print out a copy and take to your principal or special education coordinator. Think all children with AS have perfect adaptive skills? How many parents believe that? Social skills and communication skills? THAT'S TWO OUT OF THREE OF THE DIAGNOSTIC AREAS FOR ANY FORM OF AUTISM.

Therefore, if your child has a diagnosis of any form of Autism, they automatically qualify for services in one of two ways based on that as long as the proper documentation is provided and you learn your rights. If you have difficulty in any area of this, please contact your local or state support group and/or federally funded disability advocacy organization. All states are mandated to have an advocacy organization for individuals with diagnosed disabilities.

If I met a child newly diagnosed with absolutely no challenges with sensory, language, social, or attending skills (often due to sensory and/or competing interest in special interests) that created some level of barrier to the overall educational success of that child (this includes social, behavioral, please remember that, by federal definition), then I would question the overall diagnosis. The child who poses no behavioral problems but rarely speaks up in class, never asks for help, seems anxious, no real friendships- that's still impacting his/her social progress in school. It just follows that a child with any ASD diagnosis will very likely have an impact on OVERALL educational performance regardless of academic progress.

Some children who have gotten services in Special Education may improve to an extent that no further services are necessary. They will still have an ASD but hey, the educational system worked! Hooray! that is the outcome we all want for every child in special education- that they reach a point before graduation that it isn't needed anymore. Well that child still qualifies for Section 504 of the Rehabilitation Act. There's a clause in there about individuals who are considered to have a disability. Well, the section 504 services cannot get any part of the curriculum changed but ENVIRONMENTAL CHANGES CAN BE MADE.

This means that sensory issues can be addressed, visual supports to assist with attention and to reduce stress- these can still be accessed via section 504. If you have a diagnosis of co-morbid or primary sensory integration disorder, guess what? That's a disability. I get so tired of hearing that we can't provide OT to a child unless they get Special Education. Baloney. OT is a service that can also be accessed via section 504. It can be a huge challenge, but it can be done if the child qualifies for Section 504 services.

No offense, but your son does not sound like an aspie. It does sound like he has sensory issues and you're trying to deal appropriately with those. I'm just suggesting not to get hung up on Asperger's, not that you are at present - there are a lot of other ways of being odd and emotional.

I just wanted to echo how useful these ear muffs are (we call them ear defenders). They are far more comfortable for a small child than ear plugs, and like you said using head phones with music does not block enough of the sound unless you turn the music up loud, which creates its own problems.. My sons use them frequently in the car, at school, on outings etc. (last year when we went to Disneyland they wore them almost constantly!). I really like that this empowers the child to be able to control the noise level without being isolated from the activity at hand. If you haven't tried them, I would strongly encourage it.

I wanted to return and say thank you for the ear muff advice. I purchased some. We have used them in the car, at karate and church some. Sometimes he likes them and other times they bug his ears. We have had some success in karate with them. He loves karate, but it is loud and echoes in the class. He has trouble learning and following there because of how tense it makes him. Twice now, he has asked to be excused, went outside, took a few moments to do a few exercises and then went back in and did wonderfully. A huge coping skill for him to do on his own. He has tried the headphones while working on drills and katas and they have helped as long as his ears don't get hot.

We are also going to go ahead and start a review by committee to see if they will evaluate him. I don't necessarily care about any label or diagnosis, but the teacher has been so great about trying to accommodate him and then hits a roadblock due to special ed policies. For instance, his OT/PT thought a small break to let him do some exercies might help him. The teacher wanted to do them, but obviously can't in the classroom and the special ed people can't let him do them in their room without it in writing. She has tried a few other things and gets her hands tied. I spoke with the special education administrator and I guess sometimes the commitee will make classroom suggestions before going forward with an eval to see if that can help, so it seems this is what I must do and hopefully I can at least get him some small relief in class.

I also purchased some social skills books and as a family we have been doing those. Since we have 5 kids, it makes for a perfect class for this. It is something that can help all of us too. Since I started this a few weeks ago, he has done better in class. The teacher even said he came to her instead of getting angry when another student told him he would do something and then didn't.

Thank you for the ear muff recommendation.