this is frusterating

Post Reply New Topic

My son has aspergers, a month ago I had never even heard of it, but now I've been on just about every website relating to it. A little history, my son is 6, in first grade, he's had problems with behavior since before kindergarten, he gets told to do something he doesn't want to do, and he has a serious meltdown, he's hit other kids, hit his teachers, thrown his desk, and just had a hard time with things in general. He's very bright, he reads at at least a 6th grade level, but has extreme difficulty writing, he is good at math, but hates it to the point of throwinfg a fit when it's math time. He has severely poor motor skills, which doesn't help the writing thing. He's a very nice kid, as long as you don't push his buttons.

Here's where it gets interesting, his principal is really working his hardest to get rid of him, he's been suspended at least 20 times this school year, usually once a week, he's been forced into a half day schedule, coming in at lunch, and basically only getting 2 1/2 hours of class time. Very few concessions have been made for him, except for those that push him farther from a normal school life. It's looking as though we're going to have to transfer him out of the district, at very least the school. His kindergarten teacher has insinuated that we're bad parents at every turn, his first grade teacher really tries, but gets overwhelmed having to deal with my son, and another 20 kids. My son does have a writing class with the special ed teacher every day, but I'm not seeing much improvment, I think he's just in there to get him out of the classroom, and out of the principal's hair.

The principal has called the police on my son nearly a dozen times for hitting teachers and staff, he says it's the law, and I guess it could be, but what's a 5 and 6 year old kid with poor motor skills going to do to hurt an adult? I have an appointment with his doctor on the 30th, after which, we hope to have a firm diagnosis, which the principal refuses to take iny further action without. We've requested, and been denied an IEP meeting, we were told by his principal that it would be of no help.

This has been a very frusterating experience, but one that has opened my eyes. I actually suspect that I may have aspergers as well, many of the things my son has difficulty with, I had the same problems to a lesser degree, and still do.

It sounds as though you are in the US (you mentioned IEP) and so I would hope to get a dx of whatever it is your son has as soon as possible in order to then quickly get his accomodations in place. Without a dx and an IEP he is at the mercy of the school. Hopefully you will see a 180 degree change after, and in addition to the IEP I would recommend you request a behavior plan as well.

If you see no improvement in his dysgraphia (if he has that, ask the doc to note it specifically) then request an alphasmart so he doesn't have to go through the torture of trying to write.

Also, be sure to visit www.wrightslaw.com if you haven't already.

As for the meltdowns, my personal best advice is to find out the trigger, and go from there. Others here will have great info for you as well.

Thanks, we're working on getting all of our ducks in a row, yes, we're in the states, land of neverending red tape.

As for triggers, it seems, anything that requires effort is a trigger for him, I give him cool down time at home, and have suggested it to his school, but they don't seem to get it.

We're also pushing for a BP, but until I have a piece of paper from his doctor, my son's principal has pretty much decided he's going to do what he wants, I have to really keep meetings with the guy short, he stresses me out so bad, I throw up. It's either that, or show him what it's like to be assaulted, and that wouldn't be any help to my son.

Wow. That stinks. The whole thing just stinks. I really feel for you and your son. I'm sorry you're going through this.

Is transfering a reasonable option? I'm asking because it sounds like you've had so many difficult experiences with this school/district it might be hard to turn it around and put your son's issues in a better light. Transfering would be a pain, I'm sure, but it might be really hard for your son to get a "fair" start once he does have a dx. It sounds as if there's a lot of history with this school already.

Definitely do your research! Find out what rights you have in your state for special services and what services your district offers. You're your kids' best advocate but if you come "armed" to a new school situation, which is to say, you know what issues your kid has and how AS fits into the bigger picture, you might have an easier time winning the support/help of the teachers/staff.

Good luck. It sounds extremely frustrating!

We've been gathering info like mad, and we're looking into a transfer, since they have already made up their minds about him. I just spoke to the principal, and now I have to be with him at lunch, since he seems to be having problems in the lunchroom, I was told he complains excessively about the food, and either I need to sit with him at lunch(I really don't do well in crowded places) or keep him home, so I have some thinking to do.

I have a son with HFA and I also am probably Aspergers. We decided to homeschool after kindergarten. Our district offers no real services for HFA/Aspergers - they try and ship the kids off the to self contained EI (emotionally impaired) classrooms.

While we were trying to get services, we were able to get an advocate for him through ARC. I don't know if you have that in your area but they should be in the phone book if they are. I would also try and get in contact with the autism society in your state and perhaps they can direct you to some local advocates or attorneys. And do check out the Wrightslaw site. By constantly sending your son home or only offering a limited school day they are denying him FAPE (free appropriate public education). If they feel he is unable to stay in school then they should have to provide an instructor at him for home.

And I would say the stress of the school situation is probably the trigger - any little upsets right now are going to result in meltdown. And who can blame him. Your son is not being given any supports in the classroom. My son on the other hand tended to "shut-down" in class where they would just let him stare out the window. He had even started wetting his pants he would shut down so much in class. So, at that point we decided to homeschool.

Wrightslaw is very, very good. I really like Peter and Pam Wright's book "From Emotion to Advocacy." Best $30 I ever spent.

2fifty8,

The principal may feel its not necessary to consider special education but Federal law clearly states that, if you request an evaluation IN WRITING, he has to do it. AND within a certain number of days too! Laws vary by state so I strongly recommend you contact your federally funded Parent Traing center and ask to speak to an advocate. You can find it here
http://www.taalliance.org/centers/index.htm
assuming that you live in the US.

The centers vary greatly in effectiveness but even the worse should be able to get you pamplets on the law. Better ones will help you draft the letter you need to send...

The letter starts the process of evaluation, makes the school follow laws and procedures, and gives your son protection over being expuled until the eval is done.

The school should also be doing an FBA--functional behavior assessment. You can read about that on Wright's site. It will pinpoint issues that your child is struggling with and then the school has to think up POSITIVE interventions.

It might be a new concept for them....

BeeBee

Sorry, I'm too slow today. I see you ARE in the US.

Also, if the school suggests, EI, ED, BED, or EBD, stop the process until you can really check out the program. Its usually a poor fit for an aspie.

Sorry--gotta go. Dinners burning

Before we got his dx, and before I really knew what was going on with him, our son was in trouble all the time at school. We couldn't figure it out, he was a good kid, the school counsellors, everyone said it, they even said they didn't think he meant to be bad, but it was like he couldn't help it.

In first grade he got put in ssi for dropping the "F" bomb during lunch. Turns out it was pretty loud in the cafeteria that day, and he can't handle all that auditory input. He kept asking kids at his table to be quieter, but that just cranked up the volume. He finally stood up and said "shut the "F" up" to the whole room. I'm told it was like one of those old EF Hutton commercials. I laughed when the principal told me. Not the best reaction.

He also got into trouble alot for touching other kids. He tended (not so much anymore) to sway and stagger as he walked, and would unintentionally bump into other kids.

The last time he got into trouble he was called the "n" word by a classmate. It was one of those things where all the kids were using it to try and sound cool. My son turned around (just as they got in front of the office) and called that boy a jacka$$. Principal calls me, again I'm laughing (see a pattern?). He was putting my son on a contract. I let him know I wouldn't be punishing him at home at all, that I thought it was a pretty mature response.

Getting that piece of paper with the dx made a huge change. Our son hasn't been in trouble but one time since then. He had one teacher with a bad attitude, but a little one on one chat has fixed that.

You will be able to narrow down the source of the meltdowns, and also as your son matures, less things will set him off. He will however, be expected to abide by the rules of the school, and having been a teacher I can empathize, I wouldn't expect my son's teacher to put up with something I wouldn't, like being hit.

Are you doing any kind of behavior therapy with him? formally or informally?

We had a similar problem here but it didn't get that ugly till the 7th grade. He was having problems and it seemed like a daily thing for me to go and get him in the office from the VP who I hate. Endless red tape and meetings latter we go the school system to send him to a school with smaller classes and people expiranced with kids like him.

I am an Aspie myself and they'll never know just how close they came a few times but your right it would not have helped my son or me for that matter but it would have felt good

Exactly, besides, I really don't do confrontation well, the wife thrives on it, so while she's doing her thing, I usually take my son away from the situation, so he isn't made uncomfortable about it, heck, I'm so bad about confrontation, I change the channel when I see it on TV, I don't know why, but it really upsets me, and I can see that it has similar effect on my son.

I usually let let my wife haddle these people sometime I feel like I'm going to lose it and dont perticular like that. She also know the laws and how to talk to these people they hate to talk to me. She stays calm when I cant and gets things done.

It breaks my heart to hear a parent say that their school doesn't want their child! Your child has a right to an education and the school should be trying their best to help your son without waiting for a formal diagnosis.

Please contact your school district's Special Education office. Tell them you need to have your son evaluated for special education services. The basis for your request is his inability to function in class due to disruptive behaviors that the teachers seem not to be able to handle.
He should be evaluated for psychological services, social skills, and a teacher's aide to keep him on task in the classroom and assist him in the lunchroom. He should also qualify for occupational therapy and physical therapy due to his poor motor skills. His frustration in his difficulty with writing could be one of his triggers and therapy would help.

My son had difficulty with noise in the lunchroom. On days when it was too much for him to handle, the school allowed him to have lunch in the school library or some other quiet place in the school. I also sent earplugs into school for my son to use in noisy situations.

The teacher should be doing a behavior function assessment to find out what triggers his negative behaviors in class and then create a plan to alleviate those problems. If noise is the
problem, seating closer to the teacher and an auditory trainer (fm system with headphones) may be needed.

If you feel you are getting nowhere with the school principal or the special ed office, the next step is to talk to the district superintendent.

Good luck!