Anyone else with an only child?

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I have a 6 y.o. AS only child. When she was younger, I thought that was great because there would be no sibling rivalry. (I had a very bad sibling relationship myself. ) Sometime last year, she started saying she wanted "another child in the house," "I wish I had a brother or sister", etc. She doesn't say it as much anymore, so maybe it was a passing fancy.

This past year, she hasn't been relating as well to peers as she used to, and she also has a hard time with social situations. I sometimes wonder if she would have been better off with a sibling a few years younger, that maybe it would guarantee an automatic playmate. This is just "what if" thinking, because more children isn't a possibility.

She seems to see me as a substitute sibling sometime, since I'm the one who plays with her the most. I'm wondering if anyone else is experiencing this.

I too have an only child. He is 8 1/2...and wow, it seems that right around that same age he was also talking alot about "wanting a brother or sister" or at least saying "no brothers, no sisters..." in his limited vocabulary.

It's also not an option for me, because of my age, but most importantly because we just cannot afford another child since my husband pays an outrageous amount of child support for his first child...(that's another story...)

So, I do worry alot because he is alone alot...we homeschool too, which doesn't help that...but the benefit of homeschooling seems to be worth it, or at least I hope so...it's very tough to see him alone...I also wonder when he grows up and I'm no longer around if he'll be ok...it's really tough to think of this for me...

I wish we could afford another child at this point, but we just can't...at the same time, he requires so much of my attention that I don't know if it would be worth it...sigh...

I too have an only child. He is 8 1/2...and wow, it seems that right around that same age he was also talking alot about "wanting a brother or sister" or at least saying "no brothers, no sisters..." in his limited vocabulary.

It's also not an option for me, because of my age, but most importantly because we just cannot afford another child since my husband pays an outrageous amount of child support for his first child...(that's another story...)

So, I do worry alot because he is alone alot...we homeschool too, which doesn't help that...but the benefit of homeschooling seems to be worth it, or at least I hope so...it's very tough to see him alone...I also wonder when he grows up and I'm no longer around if he'll be ok...it's really tough to think of this for me...

I wish we could afford another child at this point, but we just can't...at the same time, he requires so much of my attention that I don't know if it would be worth it...sigh...

Well, it's nice to know I'm not alone. I also forgot to mention that we homeschool, too.

I love homeschooling her, and she's doing great with it. She went to a one day a week drop off community playgroup last year that she thought was "school." At first she liked it, but by May she didn't want to go anymore. Now she has no interest in any kind of school whatsoever.

I am not in your situation, but will comment that the desire for a sibling is common at your daughter's age. My son was so excited to get a sister. And then he learned what it was really like ...

There are pro's and con's to every family situation, and sometimes I think my son would have fared better as an only child. Basically, whatever side of the fence one sits on, there is always going to be a certain amount of, "what if."

Trust that you made the best decisions possible and avoid looking at the other side of the fence.

How old is his first child? Presumably the child support ends at 18....

Don't feel too bad. As the saying goes the grass is always greener on the other side.

I had an older brother and throughout our lives we have been friends, enemies, rivals, sources of fun, sources of annoyance, and sources of anger. Often times all within the span of a few hours. It is easy to say that you want a sibling until you find out that sibling may not be what you wanted.

In the long run I can say that I am glad I had a brother, and he could say the same. But I don't think that your son is going to suffer a horrible trauma if he grows up without a sibling.

i was the only child and my son is too (for now). for me, extended family, cousins, did the job. i played with them and still now i (and they too) know that i can have their support in hard times.

I have an only child, but I am a strong believer that having siblings is a true blessing. No one, ever, in your entire life, will be as close to you as your brother or sister. It's like a friend for life to the power of 6. It's almost essential for emotional growth. And I'll do all I can to lobby with my wife, to have another kid. She's against, but I hope she'll come around.

My bf had an only child (With AS) before we got together. He played with other kids and seemed to do well. He didn't see any signs that things were odd. Once his son had to actually deal with other kids on a daily, all day basis, we started to see just how much he couldn't do or accept. I believe having to deal with this interaction on a daily basis will truly help him cope in the rest of his life. Sometimes the kids are really close. Sometimes they can't stand each other. They are great lessons to learn.

That being said, I don't think there is anything wrong with having an only child. I do think they can broaden their horizons exponentially by having siblings.

I have an only child. She went through this period as well. We got a dog . She's become very close to a dog, but becomes easily frustrated with him. My brother, who I believe had untreated as and difficulty relating even in his family, apparently had some very not good run-ins with a younger sister (though I always loved him and we were close)....so I think it's a mixed bag...just as much as an only child is a mixed bag. No perfect world I guess.

B

Very good point.

I have a brother, and we are very good friends, now that we are adults. The same is true of my wife and her sister. So we wanted at least two kids - and now we have two.

That said, as a parent, one kid was actually really great - each of us could spend enough time with her to enjoy it, while passing her off to the other parent when we needed a break. She got the full attention of at least one adult all the time.

With two kids, one parent trying to watch both of them is pretty hectic. Splitting them up means neither of us ever gets time to ourselves. If one parent is supposed to be watching both kids, but the other parent is around, there tends to be spillover, which is a problem for me as I don't deal well with random spillover and ambiguous responsibilities. If only one parent is around, then often one of the kids is deprived of attention at inopportune moments. Plus my wife has difficulty giving up both kids at once because the infant may want to nurse at any time.

Hopefully that gets better as they get older and start to play with each other. Still, while there are reasons to have more than one child, there are also advantages to only having to deal with a single child.

I have an only son who is almost 5. So far, he has expressed no desire for a sibling. I on the other hand, have dealt with much sadness over the fact that he does not have a sibling. I am almost 45, and although we are open if a miracle happens, the more time that passes, I am not so sure it is a good idea. I am concerned about having another child with a disability at my age. We have considered adoption, but cannot afford an overseas adoption. We were told that we could adopt an older child through the foster care system, but the more I consider it, I am not sure I could handle a child that had major issues on top of my son. So as time goes on, I am just trying to accept that this is how it was meant to be. I try to look at the positives of having an only child, and am just trying to get on with my life. The good thing for my son is that he does get lots of attention from both of us!

I went to school with a girl who was on the spectrum, who was an only child. Her mum and her step dad had two children. After the second one was born, when she was 17, she really started to act up. She was used to it, just being her.

My son is growing up an only child. He is about to turn 4, and just beginning the diagnosis process of Asperger's. He does have an older half-brother, but he is only with us one or two days out of a month. We had tried to have another child about a year ago (before the AS traits starting showing), but it didn't work out. Honestly, I am glad because I financial situation has deteriorated, and my son is becoming more of a handful everyday.

I was also raised as an only child. My little sister was not born until I was 20 years old. There is only 6 years between my sister and my son. In a way, they have a relatoinship similar to siblings, but she has an enormous amount of issues (adhd, bipolar, and she spent a couple years in foster care because my mom's alcoholism got really bad for awhile) that are so overwhelming that when she is around, my son loses it. Unfortunately, there relationship is faltering as they grow up. They adore each other, but they fight constantly and make us nuts when she is here.

I've thought about trying to have another child as my son gets older, as we are relatively young parents (29). I have teetered with the idea of trying for another baby when our son reaches about the pre-teen years, but we will play that by ear. We have enough issues in our family to keep us busy without a new baby.

My son hasn't expressed any interest in having a sibling (at home), however he ADORES the ground his older brother walks on (although they rarely see each other). He is also still young, so we will see. When I was a kid, I wanted a sibling so bad for years, but our family situation wasn't the most stable either, so now I can see it was for the best that I grew up an only child. And now my sister going through all this madness...it just breaks my heart.

Sorry- that just turned into a rant.

My son is an only, and I sometimes feel bad about it, and wonder if he would get along better with other kids if he had a sibling. But it's very easy to romanticize sibling relationships -- mine with my sister was almost always very bad, which may well be because she's NT and I'm probably on the spectrum. We get along better now as adults, but most of the "socializing" I got at her hands I remember with a lot of bitterness. She absolutely hated how different and weird I was and did her best to change me/distance herself from me. Not entirely her fault -- she had way more responsibility for me than a girl only 3 years older should have been stuck with.

I do think my son suffers some from being the focus of so much love and attention from his father and me, but I think, both of us being geeks, we give him a fair bit of healthy neglect too.