help/advice needed

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hi my 7 year old son and i both have AS i need help/tips on dealing with his violent meltdowns he destroys everybodies things i have tried making him sit in the kitchen where he cant touch anything but he wont stay there unless i smack him which is not an option i tried it once and all it got me was a kick and a punch we would have just kept hitting each other if i was to let it happen,there has to be abetter way to stop him being violent when in meltdown.

When he's not upset, have you tried talking to him about not touching other people's stuff? If you have specific things he's allowed to throw or tear, would that help? Some people use scrap paper for tearing things, plastic stuff for throwing, and "beating up" pillows or mattresses. If you can re-direct his energy to safer outlets, that might help.

If he's out of control, have you tried physically hugging him? tight. The pressure of a tight close body hug can be soothing, but it needs to be timed properly, and no one can really tell you when that is - you have to sense it by knowing your child. And you have to hang in there until he's calm enough so that when you let go, he won't go off again, which can be quite a while. It's probably like a human version of Temple Grandin's squeeze machine.

There is an excellent book recently published that you may be interested in purchasing at a bookstore...or ask your local library
to get it for you...it may be a worthwhile read.

The title of this book is, "Managing Family Meltdown...The Low Arousal Approach and Autism" by Linda Woodcock and Andrea
Paige.

Best of luck to you!

Hiya elepots, what is triggering your son? Something is sending him into a meltdown in the first place. Many of these kids are not able to express or deal with many situations and volcanic layers start to build which eventually end up in meltdown..it may not be the last thing that happened that was the cause. These meltdowns are as awful for him as they are for you to watch. His anxiety levels and stress build up becomes far too much and he reacts 'violently'.

For many of these kids it could be a number of reasons why he is melting down. What sensory differences does he have? Loud noise? Light? Fabrics and textures? Taste? Smell.....it could be that certain situations are just too much for him.

Then there is Oppositional Defiance Disorder...ouch! The yeah but no but yeah but no child. The one who needs instant gratification and wears you down till you want to close your eyes and ears in despair? Or maybe the child who gets so frustrated that they can't do something it all ends in meltdown. It would be really useful for you to write things down as they happen and try to figure out a pattern; Does he have meltdowns at school?

Children in meltdowns do not hear anything and are unable to respond to any instructions even if they are shouted at. Actually shouting and smacking are the worst thing you could do. It just escalates the situation and noone benefits. In my experience shhhhhhhh, tender, kind, quiet and calm is the best way to cope. They may appear to be 'naughty' and 'demanding' but you know there is always a reason for everything. Maybe you would find this linkie helpful? We call meltdowns tsunamis....they come in different strengths but each is as scary as the next.

To PREVENT the meltdown is the trick...find what is causing it and then act. Any changes going on at home? Routine changes or situation changes can cause havoc with a child. They need their own system to feel safe with. If that system is broken they cannot cope.

There are many reasons for a meltdown..but the golden rule is to be very gentle indeed and don't touch them .....not till they allow you to. Good luck.

http://www.jelibean.com/ladder2/index.p ... a-tsunamis

Here is an article which I have found very helpful even for myself as an adult. although it is written about children. I found it early after my diagnosis and I also bought the book about meltdowns by the same author. I suggest downloading and printing the .pdf and making notes on it about how it applieas to your child.
http://www.aspires-relationships.com/AS ... ith_as.htm

This article helps you to see a meltdown coming and to act before it gets out of control and to know what to do when it is in full spate, and how to keep it from starting up again afterwards.

I see the situation a bit like handling a hand-grenade: once the pin has been pulled out, it CAN only explode. You have to ensure that you get the grenade to a place where the explosion can happen without too much damage. If you try to squash it or hit it, you make it worse. You can't squash a meltdown and you should never punish a meltdown. You can only prevent it or contain it. The more anxious someone is about the potential punishment for a meltdown, the greater the potential for a meltdown or some other longer-term bad effect, such as depression. The only thing to do is to gradually train a child into seeing the better the options that they have in meltdown situation, and to praise them for the times when they manage to remember, even though remembering is hard in the moment.

You can also take careful note of sensory problems in your child because they are often an important contributor to meltdowns. Sensory overload can create an ideal environment for a meltdown. The trigger may then be a small thing which upsets the person, but the person is too overloaded to choose a sensible response. It certainly is that way with me. I am learning to manage this by all sorts of means, realising that I am literally too stupid in a meltdown situation to reason through a problem, and I have to take simple emergency steps (as one might do in case of a fire in a building) to avoid harming someone emotionally or causing damage or harming myself physically.

I am currently in the process of writing a book about this sort of thing. It isn't finished yet, but it does answer most of your questions. If you like I could email it to you. Either post your email, or send it to me in a private message and I will gladly email you a copy.

thank you everyone for the help i have started with the pillow punching but at this moment gettign him to remeber to use that instead of other things is very difficult,and trying to get my NT hubby to believe our son doesn't choose to behave like this is even harder.I no that punishing his meltdowns dont help and since we now no its AS he doesn't get punished he has to sit in the kitchen so he doesnt hurt himself or his siblings.I have tried holding him but he is much stronger than me and he pushes me away hubby cant do it cause EJ will feel his anger,EJ does come to me when he is ready and sometimes i can pick when he is over it cause he will have a deep breath.EJ doesn't have meltdowns at school he has them before and after he told me that at school he gets angry when all the kids are yelling out the answers or just being a pain,and i also think the rush and noise of when school ends could be the last straw cause he sometimes starts just before we leave the school.

Buy him a punching bag to take his frustrations out on.