Why are parents bias over their kids?

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I have noticed that parents will think different of their kids than what they think of other kids and other grown ups.

Like here is an example:

A parent might refuse to say their own kid has behavior problems. Their kid acts up in school and is very hyper, gets in fights with other kids, the school labels the child as having behavior problems. The parents say their kid does not have them. But yet they will say another kid has behavior problems but refuse to say their own kid has them. What's wrong with the picture?

Another example would be, a parent might refuse to say their own kid is lazy and a jerk and a leech but that kid refuses to get a job and refuses to try and be independent. But yet when other people are like that, the parent will trash talk them saying they are lazy bums and leeches and a burden to society but they will not say that about their own child.

These parents refuse to think these things of their kids. I have noticed a pattern with my parents. How my mom views me but she views other people different. She didn't say I had behavior problems but my school said I did, but my mom labels other special ed kids as having behavior problems and kids who have problems but aren't in special ed.

Also she said about my ex that he isn't very smart because he hardly passed high school. he had horrible grades. I told her that was because he didn't get the help he needed but she still thought the same of him. But yet she doesn't think that of me and I also would have had bad grades if I didn't get the help I needed and I would not have finished high school but she still says I'm very smart. What's wrong with the picture?

I have also noticed how my mom seemed to act like I am a good aspie and the other aspies are selfish self centered people and rude and cold hearted people who don't give a darn. I could tell she thought that way just by what she say about AS and tell me how good I am and how little I have it or else I'd not care about people.
But now as an adult, I have found out having a severe case of Asperger's doesn't mean you are unable to care about people and unable to have empathy and unable to be nice. You can have severe AS and still be a nice person. I mean if someone with an autism diagnoses is kind and polite, then a severe aspie is capable of it too. I learned how full of it my mother was and she was ignorant about the condition. I have learned a lot by being on these forums and talking to other aspies and to people who have an autism diagnoses.


So why are parents bias over their kids?

Instincts I guess...

Never make a big deal of wild bear cubs if you ever see them
in the forest or mama bear will be violently outraged.

Some people are more vicious than instincts can explain.
But the examples you gave are much milder than anything I
imagined above and are probably "normal" human behavior.

Every person in this world deserves to have someone who views them with rose colored glasses. Every person in this world deserves to have someone who loves them unconditionally. Both may come from the same person, or from different people; it kind of all depends. In general, I think a little pink in a parent's eyeglasses is a positive thing, but one does have to be careful about it, as your examples point out; there can definitely be a destructive element to letting the colored glasses get the best of you.

To be honest, I have rose colored glasses for pretty much all kids. Not just my own. I don't really get the overdone bias thing; I have never trashed another child, and I try to keep constructive in how I view my own kids (although that isn't always so easy ) so as not to do them any disservice.

Lots of reasons. Instinct. Love. Pride. Empathy.

Ultimately, parenting is intensly emotional. It is also the most important thing most of us will ever do. So we can get a little nuts about it. Oh yeah, and our little angels are a reflection of us in many ways, so when they do something wrong, the parent might either get defensive or be overly empathic. Also remember that the parent might defend their child in public, but punish the child privately. Depending on the situation, the public/private dynamic means that a parent should stick up for the child in public (or the child is "hung out to dry" or "thrown under the bus") but behind closed doors it is quite different.

Best,

I have noticed how parents will tend to side with their kids more even if their own child is the abuser because they believe their kid than their child in law.

Plus when I was a kid, my school saw me as a behavior but my parents didn't so they thought they were seeing me with roses. Also I would copy other kids and I am sure other people would look at it differently than my parents would so they would see it as them blaming everyone else on my behavior. My parents even pulled me out of the self contained classroom so I am sure others might see that as them blaming other special ed kids on my behavior and think that my parents were saying it was their fault for how I acted because they would be thinking if I were their child, I would have been given harsh punishments and hold me responsible. But my parents never did that. I even imagine when my mom told my school how other kids in my 6th grade class were setting a bad example of me, I am sure that came off as her saying I am never responsible for my behavior and it's always someone else's fault. I am sure other people would be thinking if I were their child, they would be holding me responsible than blaming it on the other kids saying they are setting me a bad example of how to act. I would say this did affect me because it did teach me to blame my mistakes on others than taking responsibility for myself just because I thought it was fine to do because I saw others do it so therefore I should not be punished for it and it was unfair to be punished and getting a consequence for it. But I realized in my twenties that is not how the real world works. The forum moderators are not going to care, people online are not going to care, your boss isn't going to care, no one is going to care why you did it. They only care that you did it. That was very difficult to accept because it contradicted my parents but I never thought that maybe they were wrong, not other people?

This also reminds me if when I was in 3rd grade, my mom told me this one boy who rode my bus and lived in our neighborhood had problems but when i asked his mom about it while I was getting candy at her house on Halloween, she told me he was okay and fine. She had contradicted what my mom had said about him so I stood there confused. Just another example of parents being bias about their kids. While my mom thought that boy had problems, the mother thought her son was fine.

This isn't just a parent thing. All humans tend to judge the actions of people we like/love as understandable mistakes, and those that we don't love/like as being a result of terrible character flaws.

For a political example, look at the US political fight right now. If you are Hillary supporter, the email thing is stupid and a distraction. If you don't like her, the email thing is proof positive that she is crooked and belongs in jail. If you are a Trump supporter, you think his bragging about raping women is harmless banter. If you don't like him, he's a douche canoe.

Agreed with above.

I think it has something to do with survival instincts and tribalism - our tendency as humans to identify with a "tribe" AKA a larger family. And our instinct to protect that family above all else. We have a natural tendency to protect those within our circle and be suspicious of those outside our circle. I think this developed because, as humans were evolving, we used those tribal circles to protect ourselves and our hunting/farming territory.

Because your children share half your DNA, and you've invested countless hours and oodles of money raising them. Their behavior is seen by others (fairly or not) as a reflection of your parenting skills and an indication of whether or not you are a decent human being. Therefore, seeing your children as better than they really are both protects your ego and functions as a self-defense mechanism.

As for the mom on Halloween, she may have believed the child had problems, but didn't want to talk about it because it was emotional/difficult to talk about. I think some parents know about difficulties with their children, but don't admit it to themselves or others because the parent thinks they may have done something wrong or it reflects poorly on them. Also, cognitive dissonance.