Parents with AS: How to deal with Overstimulation

Post Reply New Topic

I am a new mom. My husband and I both have AS. My husband was Dx a few years ago, I wasn't officially Dx until a few weeks ago. So here is my situation:
-I absolutely love my son, but this mom gig is basically really freaking me out.
-I am totally thrashed at the end of the day, meaning I am super overstimulated.I have a lot of fun with him but at the end of the day I can hardly think. I end up zoning on the TV or internet and pretty much ignoring my husband or babbling incessantly because I can't think straight and my ability to verbalize is not so good, so I end up repeating myself and saying whatever is going on in my head because I cannot sift through the feelings and organize what I mean to say. If that makes sense????
-Because of the overstimulation, my touch sensitivity goes through the roof. Normally it's not that bad. But lately it's so bad when my husband tries to hug me or something (*ahem* if you get my meaning) just the slightest touch is painful. Also, because I spend a lot of the day hugging and kissing my son (which I love to do actually) it's like there's nothing left for my husband. It's like I have a cap on how much I can experience and right now my baby gets it all.

So basically by the end of the day I'm at once spacy, all over the place (unorganized and uneffective) verbally, and can't stand the simplest/slightest touch. I react by cringing, or sometimes even crying if it's been a particulary overwhelming day. I am offending my husband and I personally feel lonely, despite my overstimulation.

So my question is:
- Are there any other Aspie parents out there who have dealt with the same thing? Does anyone know what I'm talking about? How did you deal?

I think I know exactly what you're talking about.

The difference in my case was that my husband was NT and asperger's wasn't suggested to me until my son was about 2. So my husband didn't understand, and I didn't have a clue what was going on either.

It was hard, by the end of the day I couldn't think, didn't want to talk ( I would even stutter at times), didn't want to be touched...didn't want to hear anything. My son got it all and by the end of the day my tank was on "E".

I remember when my son went through his hair-pulling stage, ( I had long hair that reached the middle of my back at the time). I lasted almost 2 days and then just went in the bathroom and cut it all off because I just couldn't deal with it being pulled for one more minute. Now I can look back at it and laugh...I looked like I did battle with a blender until it started to grow back some.

My mom was a big help & would take my son & babysit when she could. I used to feel so guilty sometimes about her babysitting, "other " mother's didn't seem to need a breather like I did... but that "breather" helped me out tremendously and helped me to "recharge".

Be good to yourself, and don't feel guilty about needing some "time-out".
It does get easier, better, and I'm sure there's a few parents besides myself that have dealt with it also, so you're not alone by any means.

My wife and I both seem to be aspies. Here are some of the things we did:

"When baby sleeps, mommy sleeps." Whenever your baby goes down for a nap, which should happen several times a day for a newborn, you should take a nap too. This worked very well for my wife, though for the first week or two I had to remind her to take the nap with the baby instead of surfing the web or something. The naps were much better for recovery, even when she wasn't sleepy.

Drink constantly. I took quite a few days off when our first child was born, and I was constantly bringing water to my wife and getting her to drink when she nursed. I don't know if that helps with the overstimulation specifically, but it's easy to get dehydrated when breast feeding; staying hydrated certainly won't hurt.

"Daddy hour." When my wife went back to work after her maternity leave, child care didn't completely cover her hours and commute, so we offset our schedules and I took sole charge of our daughter for an hour each morning. Spending an hour a day with just my daughter was actually very rewarding, and was more of a privilege for me than a duty. Even if you are a stay at home mom, having something similar in your schedule - when your husband takes your son and you go off to the gym or do something that you enjoy - could still work well. Before work probably works better than after work, based on my experience.

Hopefully some of those ideas will work for you. If you come up with others, I'd be interested in hearing them too!

i am not an aspie parent, but i can tell you that this is not that uncommon regardless of as status. babies are NEEDY. its hard to suddenly fulfill those needs and feel like you have anything left for anyone else.

psychohist has some great tips there. you sleep when baby sleeps. even if you arent tired, its good to rest when you get those quiet moments. and reserving time for you to do something on your own, its good for both parents. mommy really does need the break, and daddys usually love that alone time with baby if they arent the stay at home parent. a book club, coffee with friends, an hour browsing at the mall... non-mommy time is important, even if it makes you feel guilty for leaving baby.

as for the touching... after our third child was born, we went through a period of abstinence for about 6 months. i could not stand to be touched, and i am usually very physical. i cringed when my SO touched me. didnt even want him to hug me or rub my back. i know other women this has happened to as well. and if you are nursing, sometimes the last thing you want is some guy touching you when you've had a baby hanging off your breast for 6 hours that day. in my case, it resolved itself one day, and suddenly my SO looking at me didnt make me want to hide. i think it was mostly my baby getting to the point where he didnt need me to hold him as much, and could spend time lying somewhere other than on me. the key to making it through this time for us was honestly talking with my SO about it, finding other ways to be loving without actually touching (sitting watching tv together, talking more, doing things together), and realizing that it wouldnt last forever.

part of it can also be hormones. pregnancy, new motherhood, nursing, they are all hard on the female hormone system. it takes months for hormones to return to normal, and if you are nursing, they wont be normal until after you wean. that doesnt mean you will feel this way until then. but give your body time to adjust.

i dont have experience with specifically aspie overstimulation, but just wanted to let you know that it happens for other mothers too. my kids are now 4, 6, and 13 and there are still nights they have sucked me dry to the point i can barely string a coherent thought together, thats when they hear the familiar phrase "its time for bed, mommy is DONE."

As the last poster suggested, these feelings actually aren't all that exclusive to AS moms, although I suspect you probably have them more intensely. If you are comfortable with the idea, get to know other new moms and share some of your feelings ... I think you will find that you are not as alone as you feel you are. That knowledge really helped me, but only you know if it might help you (given that I consider myself more NT than AS, I recharge from being around people who share my issues, and I realize that isn't common for those who are AS).

There are some good suggestions above. Be sure to take some time for yourself; it isn't selfish, it is SURVIVAL. The parents around you should understand and be willing to help as able.