Hurting, does it get better?

Post Reply New Topic

Hello! I am new here to Wrongplanet.com and love it!! I am the mom to a almost 18 year old (boy, man...whatever they are at that age ) I just found out not to long ago by a very good friend of mine about Aspergers. He has not been diagnosed..but everything that i have read on Aspergers..is my Daniel! I have had a very hard time dealing w/ the rejection that he has had mainly w/ other children. He doesn't have any friends, never has. I can remember when he was in Elementary school i would drive by..and there he would be..playing by himself. Does this get any better. Does it change after they get out of school? Will he ever find someone to love?
I know this sounds crazy, but now that i know i am not alone, I have to ask!
Thanks and Hugs,
Dana

Hi Pangypooh,

I would have to say that there's an excellent chance it will get better. I was there once, myself. I responded with more detail under the recent post titled "I feel so bad for my son..."

What is it that your son is interested in? Getting involved with a group or club that is devoted to his special interests is a good way of meeting other people. The internet is the obvious place to go for special interests, but it's not as good as meeting and talking with people face-to-face. College is also a great thing, if that's where he is headed. Kids are terrible. Adults aren't much better. But being in an environment where people share a common interest, whether it is a hobby club or a college class, tends to equalize people a little more, and makes it easier to communicate and make friends.

DL

Thanks for replying!! He does want to go to college. He also has a job and has worked there for almost 2 years now. I didn't think he would last a month at it. I know that sounds really bad coming from his own mom...but he just socially has a hard time. He works at a Grocery Store and started sacking..now he is a cashier, does produce and so on. It has really helped him out alot. As far as interest...the only thing I see is he loves Movies..He is a big Star Wars fan. I don't know anyone w/ Aspies here. We live in a small community. He does not like sports. Music...the only thing he listens to is music from Movie soundtracks. He won't try any other music...just doesn't interest him.

There are clubs based around movies. I know my uni and others (equivalent to USA college I think) had them. There are also star wars fan clubs. And if he could get a job that uses his special interest even better - like maybe in a video store, or a place that sells dvds and movie sound tracks or even writing for a magazine that specializes in that stuff.

If you do find a club that suits, make sure you find out when the meetings are on and if he wants to go - help him get to the second one or explain about "weekly meetings". I had several stop go problems with clubs because they'd meet for a while and stop for term break and I wouldn't know how to get started again or even that they did start again. Or I just never understood weekly meant showing up again next Tuesday but skipping holidays.

around here they have Sci Fi conventions ~ some based on Star Wars, others on Star Trek...people dress up like their favorite character, and mingle with other fans....plenty of booths to buy things, plenty of people to socialize with. do they have anything like that where you are ?

if you/your son could start a local club of special interest for movie fans! You know, kind of like a book club? You could advertise it in a local paper, put up flyers at local or nearby video stores, gas stations, etc. Members could all get together to decide what movie(s) they wanted to "review", maybe go see it as a group or individually then meet the next week to discuss it? Man! I would enjoy something like that myself if I could afford to go to the movies that often! Since you guys are in a smaller community (I know how that is, I graduated from high school with a class of 8 in a town of 200! Needless to say, everyone was in the top 10 of our Senior class...HA!) it might just be up to you/him to start a Movie Club. Instead of going to the theatre to watch the movie, you could always wait until it came out on dvd/video if that would be more tolerable for your son. They could watch the movie at someone's house as a group or rent it individually then meet to discuss it. It's just a thought and one he might have absolutely no interest in, but you could always run it by him.

God bless!