Is this common among aspie kids?
My son is in fifth grade and it seems that if he likes a teacher, he does real well in order to make that teacher happy. This disturbs me because I feel he should do well because he likes the subject matter or he should do well for himself. It's as though he has no sense of self. Now, that he is eleven, it's getting noticeable. Any thought on this?
Based on the little bit you've written, it's hard to say, exactly, whether what you're seeing is common or not. If my son didn't like a teacher, he wouldn't do the work (in general). If he did like the teacher, he probably would do (at least some of) the work. The subject matter did have an impact - if it was the subject he liked, he would probably do the work. If it was a subject he disliked, he was not going to do much of the work, no matter what - but if he disliked the teacher, none of the work would get done. If he adored the teacher, some of the work, maybe even a significant amount, would get done.
The part where what you wrote doesn't resonate is the "no sense of self." My son has a very strong sense of self. His refusal to do work for a teacher he didn't like was not because he had no sense of self, but because he wouldn't do work for someone he didn't respect, and as far as he was concerned, a teacher didn't deserve respect by virtue of position - s/he had to EARN it! Of course, every child is different.
I think it's the rare 11 y.o. who does school work for the love of learning. With our kids, the work will be for the love of it only if it is a special interest. Other than that, it is unrealistic to expect it to be done for "himself." He's not doing it for himself - he's doing it for the teacher. He's 11. He probably isn't interested in most of the subject matter. Most kids that age complain about school work in general. As they get older, they sometimes find a value in their school work, whether it is for the learning or for what the learning will get them (grades, a good job, etc). Give him time.
For most of my school career, I've done much better in courses where I liked the teacher. However, my primary reasons for liking a teacher was how enthusiastic about the subject they were and how much they really wanted students to learn. Which came first, the chicken or the egg?
Enthusiasm is infectious, but a teacher that's bored by the subject is boring. And I still refuse to learn from someone that I don't respect--why let them fill my head with nonsense if they don't know what they are talking about? Instead, I have to force myself to learn despite them.
I take my learning very seriously. Nothing ticks me off more than an uninspired teacher with no respect for truth.
It's common for many aspies to associate learning with love and as far as i understand it if anything it is a testimony to a healthy ,stable strong self which doesn't revolved around some imaginary ego but seeks and feels the deeper connections and interactions in life.
I'ts not "normal" to love a teacher but it is very helpful as far as getting knowledge and becoming good and pationate about something
it's common for aspies to get passionate for subject and people
i think it's a very good thing but it could also lead to some trouble if it's not done in the "right" context and since most of the times the context is dictated by an NT environments or concepts u r right at having some concerns despite of what I've wrote above.
I had a couple of teachers, one being my fifth grade teacher who was wonderful, that were understanding and supportive of me. I liked them and I did well because I felt comfortable and they knew how to talk to me and help me to understand. I had other teachers who thought I was weird or bad and just flat out didnt like me. Mainly I did poorly in school due to some LD's and a lot of abuse.
Your son has a sense of self. He probably really likes the validation the teacher gives him. In a world filled with negatives, the brights spots stand out even more. What other areas of his life give him that much recognition?
_________________
When I lose an obsession, I feel lost until I find another.
Aspie score: 155 of 200
NT score: 49 of 200
My kids will learn for the sake of learning. They are also rule followers and dislike missing assignments. Now that my eldest is 13 he's been testing that boundary, but at 11 no way would he intentionally break any rules or miss an assignment. He would sometimes have trouble with a particular task because he just couldn't understand it (like writing fiction, that was really hard for him in 5th grade). My middle son just turned 11 and is in 4th grade. He always tries his hardest at all school work regardless of how he feels about a teacher. He sometimes is disorganized and has issues with low energy level from ADHD (sometimes it leads to low energy instead of hyperactivity). He'd never shirk on work because of personal feelings for a teacher. So far he's had really good teachers (knock wood).
My almost 9 year old is in 3rd grade and has had a terrible time with his teacher this year. If anything it's made him work harder to prove to her that he's not as bad as she thinks. He's a good student and a very hard worker. I don't know what her problem is (she's probably jealous because her neice tested for the gifted program when he did and didn't get in, but he did). He pays attention and is meticulous about all school work. He's polite and considerate, and has an adorable sense of humor. He was dx'd as PDD-NOS, but doesn't seem to be at this point (just extremely divergent). His brothers are Aspies.
Maybe my kids are unusual. They are already unusual compared to NT kids. I never thought they might be unusual for ASD kids.
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