Does your child upset you DAILY?!

Post Reply New Topic

The 10 year olds behavior is out of control! The rudeness! It's a daily thing. example: instead of nice: I'm going to get my lunchbox from the playground. (It's) (when mom calls her) the 10 year old. mom said :Where are you? Kid: WHERE ARE YOU?! I'm going to go get my lunchbox from the playground! (in a rude tone) (Mom was sitting in the truck where she always is to pick up the kids.) Mom/dad are to the breaking point of bringing in a psychologist IMO GREAT IDEA! (for the whole family NOT just to 10yr. old! But the whole family agrees even if it is ADD/ADHD NO PILLS! since pills they are like zombies! (or so family says) I'm not sure if it could be ADD/ADHD or what but I agree better change the behavior now at 10 than to deal with it into her teens!

I upset my mom daily when I was a child and it was very bewildering for me because I didn't mean to but it just kept happening.

One thing the child you mention might benefit from is vocal training. I still have a hard time modulating my voice into tones that others will find pleasant and not rude. I just don't have the fine motor control over my voice that others seem to have.

I know how badly I upset my mother because I once was going through her school stuff, trying to find a piece of paper to do my homework on, and I came across a piece of paper with an exercise she had done for a class (she was working on a psychology degree when I was a child and is a clinical psychologist now.)

The exercise was to make a life timeline and then make a mood line that showed when life was good and when life was bad. It would be above the center line for good times and below the center line for bad times. My mom's mood line dipped (understandably) low at the point in life when my brother was diagnosed with leukemia and died four years later. But there was another dip in the line that was labelled "problems with daughter" (that would be me) and the line dipped MUCH lower for that than it did when my brother died!

That was a real awakening, realizing that I had caused my mother more grief by living than my brother had caused by dying. I didn't know that I have asperger's back then -- I wasn't properly diagnosed until my late thirties -- but seeing that one piece of paper has convinced me that raising a spectrum child has got to be one of the most difficult things a parent will ever do. (I still haven't properly recovered from the guilt of seeing that piece of paper and learning what a source of pain I was to my mother.)

I apparently still upset my mother daily. I don't do it intentionally and I'm not sure how to change it.

That brings tears to my eyes. You know, there are two people in every relationship, and the fact that your mother was stressed/upset by parenting you is not necessarily your fault in any meaningful way.

And I can't believe that you honestly did cause her more grief by living. Perhaps the problems were foremost in her mind at that moment and that influenced how she filled it out. Did you ever tell her you found it? If I was your mom, I would be beyond horrified.

Maybe. I wish I'd been a better daughter.



Mom's never been that easy to talk to. When I hit puberty, she bought me a stack of books so she wouldn't have to talk to me about it. I don't think she's on the spectrum herself (though there are spectrum folks on her side of the family as well as my father's) but she's very . . . emotionally ungenerous, if that makes sense. The last time I went to her to talk about something that was troubling me, she wouldn't even let me say what it was and said I should just think about good things and not think about bad things. Like if I ignore my problems, they will just go away on their own or something.

There's also the possibility that she left it where I would find it on purpose.

I was nothing but trouble when I was a kid. My father refused to let me take medication for my adhd that I was diagnosed with he was afraid people would think I was crazy or it would dull my childhood. He told me you could not reason with me, taking toys away did not work, time outs did not work, threats did not work, he tried spanking me but I have always had a high pain threshold even as a child so he told me it forced him to really beat the crap out of me to get me to behave. Guess what after the beating I'd sometimes do whatever I was beaten for in the first place and he really freak out. I am now an evil bitter person who hardly ever leaves the house. I wish my parents would have gave me the medication maybe I'd have a better life today even if it would have dulled my childhood.

My daughter upsets me hourly.

She too comes across as being very rude and it really upsets me. She says later that she is unaware that she is doing it but it still hurts. She doesn't speak to anyone else like that.

It sounds like you guys were a really bad fit... to put it as generously as possible. Sometimes it just happens that way with parents and kids. My mom and my sister never got along well.

Well, I wish I'd been a better daughter many times myself, especially since becoming a mom, and realizing that a lot of stuff I had blamed my mom for may have really been my issues. I know my mom also wishes she had been a better mom. I hope your mom wishes that too. I'm only seeing your side of the story, but I feel really bad for you.

Sounds like the start of puberty.

The pills can make them feel like zombies. Back in the day when there was only Ritalin (or worse) people would just take it anyway and it got a bad rep. Nowadays there are so many more options. If one kind of pill doesn't work you can switch. Most people can find one that helps their symptoms without adverse side effects. Some pediatricians will just prescribe whatever and not take the time to make sure it's the best choice. A psychiatrist is the best one to manage that. A psychologist can't prescribe but can diagnose, assess, and refer to someone who can.

That is so sad! My parents took me to several doctors trying to find out what was wrong. Sometimes even the schools insisted on it. Nobody ever diagnosed me. My parents would have given me Ritalin (the best thing available then) in a heartbeat. I would have been so much better off.

In my 40s, as my kids were getting diagnosed, I realized what had been troubling me for so long and got myself diagnosed. Now I take Concerta and just love it. My parents are so tickled as they were just as frustrated by all of it as I was. How I got through college, I'll never know. Sometimes mom will ask me if I'm still taking my pills and if I still am happy with the results, just out of the blue. I think she just likes to talk about how great it is that we figured it out, finally.

It's good to hear the other side of the story. Most of the parents I know are very anti-medication, it was very hard for us to go against the grain and I still feel judged because of it.

Yes. We tried Ritalin with my son. At first it seemed to work wonderfully, he was so calm and focused. Then he started becoming horribly anxious, which apparently is a common problem. We took him off it immediately and switched to Tenex, which has been incredibly helpful. He still has energy, but it takes the edge off his impulsivity.

A few months ago, my son was in a very negative place, always miserable, not wanting to do anything but play video games. We experimentally lowered his Tenex dose and he went back to his cheerful, curious self again. The downside is an increase in his hyperness and impulse control issues, but I would rather have that than him so miserable.

We had to take my eldest of Focalin, which is a derivative of Ritalin, because it was causing him to cycle. He's bipolar as well as having AS and ADHD. Middle son has always done extremely well with Adderall. Once I tried to switch him to Concerta just to see if it would last a little longer and he was very anxious and angry. Eldest really lost it on that patch thingy that has the same stuff as Adderal. My youngest is taking Concerta like I am but recently has asked to reduce his dose. We'll try it and see if that's better for him.

I know peole who've gotten their meds from pediatricians with very little instruction about what to do. They take whatever dose they were first given of whatever med and just ignore side effects. One lady even started giving it to her son in the afternoon instead of before school because she didn't care if he had problems at school but wanted him to "behave" at home. Her pediatrician never explained how that would disrupt his sleep or that he could have a homework dose for the afternoon. Maybe he didn't know. The poor kid was having a horrible time of it and always in trouble.