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I don't know if I belong here - or even if I'm posting in the right place. I'm not a parent, merely a concerned family member. I'm fairly certain my nephew is an Aspie .. he rarely (If ever) makes eye contact, has trouble fitting in and communicating with other kids his own age, is easily "obsessed" with one topic of interest, and is really very intelligent, but it takes him quite a bit longer than some other kids his age although I would say he is smarter than the majority of them. I don't want to seem ignorant when posting this, and not using the correct terminology, so my apologies in advance.

Here's the issue: Although my nephew has been frequenting doctors offices, specialists, etc for the last few years of my nephews life .. she kind of refuses to acknowledge that there's an issue that she just can't fix. She is constantly throwing him into social situations and trying to force him to participate in things that just make him upset and aggitated. I think she's feeling as if she's failed as a parent and is doing something wrong. She will never trust a doctors judgement, whether is goes against her families urging. It's not that she's unaccepting or anything .. it's just I don't know.

I am struggling, because we obviously do not see eye-to-eye in this situation. I know that this is not going to fix itself, or he's going to grow out if it like she hopes. I love him to pieces, and his literal way of speaking (although not intentionally) makes me laugh. The way my sister is treating him is almost making him scrutinized by his peers and cast him as 'the outcast'. He already has enough trouble as it is. She has forcefully made him attend sleepovers, birthday parties, etc, none of which he enjoys. It often ends with an 'outburst' from him, which just causes the other kids to react in childish ways (children are cruel right .. )

I know she is trying to help the situation. But I really think she is making it worse.

I don't even know why I'm posting this to be honest. I don't even know what my question is. I guess I'm just trying to vent to people who understand ..

Welcome to Wrong planet.You sound like you have the right instincts about what your nephew needs and that is to let him be who he is.

If you think that it is very detrimental to your nephew - you could consider enlisting the help of the Ministry of Children and Families.

Parents are REQUIRED to get medical attention for their children. The child has a right to appropriate intervention regardless of the parent's denial.

If, in your estimation, the situation does not warrant this - you could support your nephew by spending time with him supporting his interests. If he is interested in boat - let him talk about boats, go to the docks, go to boat shows, etc. Speak to him at his own level and let him be at the level that he is.

I have a nephew who has ADD and a few other things. I never compare him to other 15 year olds - I just visit with him and relate to him for who he is.

Do you know if any of the doctors have suggested Autism/Aspergers?
If she is refusing the diagnosis I doubt there is anything you may be able to do. My brother and sister in law are the same way with one of their children and they are fine with my kids being Autistic but its not their kids!! !! !
If you feel in any way that she is not going to get angry or balk at suggestions you could possible give her a book....and maybe tell her that you are not saying her son has this disorder but it reminded you a lot of him and would she mind reading it. Id try Tony Attwood's Complete Guide to Asperger's Syndrome. He paints a far better picture of Aspergers than many others and it may not seem so intimidating to her that her son may have Asperger's. I think for your Nephews sake you should at least try. I have tried with my brother but my sis in law does not really like me so there is not much I can do....besides she knows everything so I cant tell her anything especially about HER children. I certainly understand your frustration.

I would do this at the least. I really wish I'd had someone like you in my family growing up; then my parents may have listened to some sense and got me diagnosed earlier (diagnosed at 16--2 years ago). I agree with liloleme about giving your sister subtle hints like a book on AS, though be careful about how you do it.

Besides that, welcome to Wrong Planet!!

Thank you, all of you

Doctors have suggested Aspergers. Similarly to your sister inlaw lilome, she has no problems with the disorder in general, she just doesn't want her son to live with that disorder.

I think I may go out and pick up that book, and she if she's interested in reading it, or maybe just leave at her house for her to find someday lol.

I'd recommend spending time with the kid and being his friend. Maybe if your sister sees how well you interact with him, she'll eventually listen to your advice.

It sounds like you're onto something there. He does sound a lot like an Aspie and your assessment of the situation sounds pretty accurate. Forcing him into overwhelming social situations will only make it worse for him. He can probably develop the skills to cope with that kind of situation, but forcing him to do everything "normal" isn't going to work. It's like trying to make him swallow a watermelon whole. It's not going to happen. Cut it up into bite size pieces and give him time and he probably can eat that whole watermelon.

There are therapies and social skills classes that help kids. Depending on how severe his sensory issues are he may or may not be able to appear to be more "normal" in public. It can be useful to appear normal in public because it makes it easier to connect with NTs and that can open up business opportunities etc. However there is no moral reason to need to be normal so it really should be up to the person how far they want to take that stuff. He may decide he doesn't like watermelon and has no reason to eat it. That should be up to him.

I think the best thing you can do is to express your sympathy to the child and try to maintain as much of a relationship as you can with him. If you can offer to take him out once in a while, and maybe give him a chance to socialize one on one with yourself or another person, you might be able to help. Someday when he's older and more frustrated he may really need to know an adult who is safe for him to be himself with and who isn't disappointed that he isn't "like the other kids." When he hits puberty there could be trouble.

His mom may come around someday. As he gets older it may be harder to deny and it sounds like she has a good heart and means well, just doesn't understand.

That's classic denial. If the kid has it the kid has it. Denial doesn't usually last forever...usually.

What about taking a different approach... helping her see that Aspies can lead wonderful, fulfilling, happy lives. You could do this by giving her examples of successful people with Aspergers-known or suspected. There are many! You could start with the Everything Parents Guide to Raising a Child with Aspergers, which is a WONDERFUL book that is written by a renowned author with Aspergers himself, William Stillman. His website is www.williamstillman.com. I also recently did an interview with him for my blog (interview will be going up in the coming weeks). He's just the most lovely - and handsome - man. I have to admit I'm crushing on him (don't tell my husband)!

Anyhow, I just thought that might help alleviate her anxiety, if her actions are fear-driven.

This may be totally stupid, but you should get them to watch Parenthood. Don't say why, just that it is a great show. They might start seeing their son in Max. I think it is an excellent portrayal.