I want your honest opinion
I will not be offended, I promise!
I have a real problem with the way autism is portrayed to the general public. I know that I can not reach people in the way Autism Speaks and others can but I am really tired of all the negativity. I have made some videos of my kids that I have on youtube but I am kind of nervous about having my kids out there displayed to the public. Also it is not their choice and they are not old enough to understand. At the same time there are so few videos, even on youtube that show happy children or good things about Autism. Its almost like some go out of their way to make their kids look bad like showing meltdowns and try to make it appear that they are like this 24/7. I have seen a couple of videos that are great and give a more positive view. So my question is, do you think that putting up youtube videos of my kids could be helpful to others? Is it dangerous or harmful to my kids? I dont like the idea of "using" my kids but I just want people to know that even though some things may be challenging my kids are happy, funny, smart and beautiful.
auntblabby
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Joined: 12 Feb 2010
Gender: Male
Posts: 114,503
Location: the island of defective toy santas
Speaking personally, not philosophically, I really like seeing positive videos of autistic kids.
Philosophically... well, I don't know. I'm always bugged when people put their little kids in t-shirts with political messages on them. I could understand an argument against posting videos of them without their understanding or permission.
But I think it could be done with integrity, if you were speaking for yourself, not for them.
My husband puts up videos of our son without a qualm, btw. He is not identified as an autistic child, however. They're just cute videos to share with people.
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Sharing the spectrum with my awesome daughter.
I understand your mixed feelings, and I know I have mixed feelings. In my home it's simple, my husband would never allow it, and the names of my kids or anything near identifying information will never make it into my posts. But, I think that if your husband is OK with it, and you know your children well enough to honestly believe they will someday be OK with it, you could dip your toes in. I would NOT use their names, however, or location, or anything else that could allow a creep to identify them. Similarly, keep info about you limited. I am amazed at how much some people put out there about their kids, and I cringe when I feel no sense of caution from the parents. But since I already know you recognize that they can't give permission, and that it concerns you, I believe that if you post something, you will use decent taste and judgment.
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Mom to an amazing young adult AS son, plus an also amazing non-AS daughter. Most likely part of the "Broader Autism Phenotype" (some traits).
Thank you and I do need to be careful because I sometimes do tend to give out too much personal information and realize it later. I will keep an eye on that. I have used my kids first names but I will not use our last name or our location. I mean I have made reference that I live in California but I am moving so I will be more guarded about our new location. This is one of the things I worry about is weirdos looking at my kids. I feel compelled to do something that could possibly help the Autistic community but I primarily want to protect my kids.
I wouldn't put anything identifying your children. Scour the footage to make sure there isn't anything identifying there either, like your house number, car license plates, etc... I wouldn't even use their first names just to be on the safe side.
Putting their images out there you do have to understand that pedophiles may view them. Once it's on the net it's open to ANYONE, as you know.
That said, I love seeing parents speaking positively about autism, and delighting in their autistic children. I've seen a bit of that here and there, not very much. So, I think it would be wonderful for you to share.
I find myself feeling annoyed and frustrated when parents aren't open about their children's autism. Why not? I think it's a form of social change to be open and proud of our children. I do understand intellectually that they are afraid of judgement, that they instinctively want to protect their children. There are sure to be other other reasons, too... I just know that the perception of what autism looks like needs to change. And I think parents can do a lot by being open about autism to advance public awareness, normalize it for their children, and instill a sense of pride about being different than the norm, thereby strengthening the child's self-esteem.
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"Every day is a journey, and the journey itself is home." -Basho
Thank you and I do need to be careful because I sometimes do tend to give out too much personal information and realize it later. I will keep an eye on that. I have used my kids first names but I will not use our last name or our location. I mean I have made reference that I live in California but I am moving so I will be more guarded about our new location. This is one of the things I worry about is weirdos looking at my kids. I feel compelled to do something that could possibly help the Autistic community but I primarily want to protect my kids.
I'm the same way, I'm not much on online anonymity at all & I usually don't bother. I think where it's being put has a lot to do with it, too, and I'd think Youtube is generally an ok place unless you troll it yourself (in which case it'd come back on you lol). I've yet to be cyberstalked and I've been myself online for a good 20 years or so. As for weirdos-- yes they're out there, in real life, too, but I doubt the subject matter of your films would really draw in the creep crowd either.
I like your vids. And I do like the idea of more positive portrayals of autistic kids online. So I guess it comes down to what DW said about being able to predict how your kids may feel about the exposure when they're older.
From about the age of 8 on my sons have been intensely private. I try to be careful about what I reveal about them online, because I know it will be upsetting if I reveal too much (this is hard sometimes when seeking advice or sharing, but at least keeping names anonymous helps). For example my son does this awesome thing where he bounces his head up and down on the end of a pill-shaped yoga ball while jumping, achieving incredible height! This is one of his main stims...he's doing it right now as I type, and it is sooooo cute and fun looking. I've often been tempted to post a vid, but heaven forbid it should go viral or something, he would be mortified!
I often wonder about these "mommy bloggers" who are blogging every minute of their kids' lives from birth. How are their kids going to feel about having every cutesy or embarrassing moment publicly revealed when they are older?
In your case though, since your main goal is to celebrate kids with autism, they may feel proud. It just depends on your kids.
Yes, I do. As you say, the public impression is misleading, and helping to fix that would be good.
There's some small risk that a stalker will latch on to them, I suppose. Personally I think this risk is often exaggerated - there are millions of kids, but just one abduction and you're likely to hear about it on the news - but then, I'm sure a lot of people think that my wife's and my putting pictures of our kids up publicly is foolish.
We figure we can always take the blog down or make it private. Then if our daughter gets a boyfriend we object to, we'll give him access.
Right now my kids are really excited about seeing their videos and they are serious "hams" for the camera. So if they do get older and dont like it I can always take them down. I made one today of my daughter helping put the wet clothes from the washer into the dryer...Ill try to get that one posted tomorrow. I think Ill call it The Autistic Princess Does Laundry.....Ill just edit the part of her holding up my underwear and saying "Mommys underwears" .
DenvrDave
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Joined: 17 Sep 2009
Age: 59
Gender: Male
Posts: 790
Location: Where seldom is heard a discouraging word
Yes. I appreciate the opportunity to hear different perspectives and learn from different people.
Yes, for reasons mentioned above. Plus, for me, the golden rule applies: Would my child want himself in an autism-related video? No. He's dreadfully embarrased of his differences right now and still trying to fit in.