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Hi I just found out my son is adhd and has Asperger Syndrome.
We have been having problems with him since he was two.
He is 5 now and will be starting Metadate tomorrow (5/27/06) morning.
In the mean time my husband and I have been having problems with on going to bed.
I feel as I am going to cry and pull my hair out because I dont know what to do!
I tell him over and over and over its time for bed lights out. I even go to bed when Im not tired and He still will not go to sleep.
He ends up hurting me or puts himself in danger of getting hurt.

Please some advise we are really desprate.

You probably have a set routine with your son, if not, I suggest a sticker chart for bedtime. Start with, snack,bath,brush teeth,family time,story, then bed.Each time he is successful he gets a sticker. All stickers equal something he can pick, from like a grab bag. You can put little certificates in it. Like extra story, later bedtime, help make breakfast, Mc Donalds Certificate...something like that or what fits for you and your family. Have it posted on the wall. Once he fills it up, I suggest a special outing. Also, is he on medication, you may need to look into that...sorry, but it may need to be an option to consider. If he dosn't cooperate then find out what he loves, and take it, he can have it back when he has a good bedtime, You know like, does he love video games???? We'll can't play till he has a good bedtime...stuff like that. Good luck......

He will start his medication when he wakes up. In the past we have tryed time outs go to bed earlier loss of favorite activity ect... and nothing seem to work. My step dad just says "Boys will be Boys" and "Let him be a kid." We just found out on AS on the 25th of May this year. We had a feeling he had ADHD. My husbands mom said we would just need to be tougher on him. That was until we found out about AS.

Hello and welcome! I hope you will find the help you need on the board.

My suggestion is to make sure your son gets enough physical activity during the day, so that he will be tired enough to go to sleep at the end of it. If your son's activities are mostly sedentary ones, he may not be physically tired enough to sleep when you think he should. If he doesn't do physical stuff on his own, take him for a nice long walk a couple of hours before bedtime. You could also try giving him a glass of watered-down wine before bedtime.

i second the need for physical activity. also, start transitioning into bedtime earlier. say, after supper. start helping him slow down. limit exposure to tv or other stimulating activities. get a good routine going, the same thing every night. if he bathes every day, then have it be a nice, quiet soothing one after supper. if he'll drink milk, you might even try that old standby of a cup of warm milk before going to bed. basically, he has to learn how to switch gears - not always easy to do, especially at that age. it will take time, so don't be discouraged.

also, one thing i can verify, kids pick up on your emotions. if you're upset and frustrated, the kid will sense it and it will unsettle him. that won't help him relax. you need to try to mellow out before you interact with him, or you're setting yourself and him up for failure.

i had a devil of a time getting my daughter to sleep when she was younger. i finally worked out a deal with her that she could sit on the couch while i did my schoolwork as long as she was quiet. she'd usually fall asleep there, and i'd simply move her into her bed when i was ready to do so.
she's made it through a year of college now, and we had problems with her going to sleep all the years up to now. but she seems to have survived ok.

one of the hard lessons we learned was that "some things just aren't as important as others".....what i mean to say, is that when everything in our household was an issue ( who didn't pick up after themselves, who was talking out of turn, who wasn't bathing, who wasn't doing their homework....), chaos reigned.once we slowed down and prioritized, we came up with 1-2 things to work on with our son. tackling 1 or 2 things is so much less overwhelming than trying to tackle everything at the same time.

Those are great ideas any sugestions on his hitting I know sometimes its because he wants to play but other times he is really mad. We have tryed talking to him and explaining that hitting hurts and its not nice. oh and I really appricaite everyones help.

i think if you remain consistent with your reactions to him when he's hitting, he will learn that hitting is not ok~even if you're just playing.....it's the inconsistencies that always seem troubling to my aspies. ( sometimes people horseplay, and that's ok~other times, people aren't ok with it.)

Check on his pajamas and sheets - are they scratchy, is there a tag sticking him in the back of the neck, are his sheets comfortable (TO HIM)? Ask him about those things. I used to have the worst time trying to get to sleep cuz I could never get comfortable.

I agree with the "lots of physical activity" during the day - just not within an hour of bedtime. Also - watch his sugar intake after dinner, and also, it may help to make a picture schedule for him that has his evening routine on it. Make sure he's not doing somethign exciting like playing computer games or watching some exciting video at that time. Give him time to wind down.

It may help to work on the "transition" time between doing stuff and going to bed. Make sure he has warning: 20 minute warning, 10 minute warning, 5 minute warning, and 2 minute warning. Use a timer so he knows you're not "rushing" it. Transitioning is very important for anything for Aspies, and especially bedtime. So give him plenty of transition warning and a routine. When the timer goes off, this is what he needs to do: (whatever your bedtime routine is - here it's brush teeth, use toilet, put on PJs, put on music, get in bed, talk/read for a short time, go to sleep.)

In his bed, play soft, calming music (calming for *him*). The same music every night will help teach him it's time to sleep. (I used to use that for myself.) Read to him a story he likes. Snuggle with him for a while. Make going to bed a special, positive time.

Use a timer to set a specific amount of time that will be for settling down, and stick to it. When the timer goes off, it's time to sleep, period. That's the rule. Follow it. Turn off the light and leave. The more you have specific, clear rules and routines, the easier it will be for him and for you.

Hope this helps a little. Good luck with it!

I agree with anna, my son would be so upset because he had the wrong pillowcase and I would try to explain to him why I had to wash his favorite pillowcase. He didnt care, he just wants "his" pillow case and he would be so upset about it he couldnt sleep. Now I make sure to wash his sheets and blankets while he is at school and he never knows they were gone! Also buying new and cool pj's is a favorite treat for my son, its one of the rewards I use. Find what your son likes and go with it.