PLEASE.. ESPECIALLY MOMS OR THOSE DX WITH ASPERGERS

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HI...I AM NEW TO THIS SITE AS OF TONIGHT. I AM A REGISTERED NURSE , WHO WORKS IN A EMERGENCY DEPARTMENT. I WAS ABLE TO LEAVE EARLY TONIGHT. USUALLY WORK UNTIL 6:30 AM BUT WAS ABLE TO FLEX OFF AT 2:30 AM..I SEARCHED THIS SITE AND HAVE CRIED EVER SINCE READING DIFFEREENT THINGS HERE. IWOULD SO MUCH APPRECIATE ANY FEEDBACK ON MY POSTING CONCERNING MY SON. I AM SO SORRY IF THIS IS LONG... PLEASE HELP SAVE HIS LIFE...........LITERALLY.
IAM POSITIVE MY SON , , MY WONDERFUL SON, KYLE HAS THIS ASPERGERS SYNDROME. PLEASE KEEP IN MIND ..I AM NOT A PSYCH NURSE. PLEASE KEEP IN MIND....I WOULD LIKE A DX SEEN ON A XRAY, LAB RESULT, OR CAT SCAN. I AM THE MOTHER OF A 17 YEAR OLD SON , KYLE. I LOVE HIM SO MUCH. I HAVE 3 CHILDREN. HE IS THE MIDDLE CHILD. I KNEW FROM THE BEGINNING THAT SOMETHING WAS NOT RIGHT WITH HIM. BEFORE I WAS A REGISTERED NURSE I HAD WORKED WITH DISABLED CHILDREN ....INCLUDING AUTISTIC CHILDREN. I HAD A UNREMARABLE PREGNANCY...EXCEPT FOR ALOT OF STRESS...HIS DAD AND I NOT GETTING ALONG. KYLE WAS A BEAUTIFUL BABY. ME ALWAYS WANTING NOTHING MORE THAN BEING A MOM. A GOOD MOM. KYLE NEVER WANTED TO BREAST FEED VERY LONG. MAYBE A MINUTE OR TWO AND THAN TURN FORM ME. I HAD FREQUENT BREAST INFECTIONS BECAUSE HE WOULD NOT EMPTY THE MILK FROM BREAST FEEDING. HE WAS "COLICKY".WE LIVED IN A APARTMENT COMPLEX AND I REMEMBER THE NEIGHBORS SLAMMNG THEIR WINDOWS SHUT AT NIGHT BECAUSE OF HIS CONSTANT CRYING. KYLE WASNT LIKE HIS OLDER BROTHER (20 MONTHS OLDER)...HE DIDNT WANT TO BE CUDDLED OR LOVED ON. IT SEEMED TO UPSET HIM. HE WANTED TO BE HELD AWAY FROM ME. FACING AWAY FROM ME.
I NEVER TOLD ANYONE THAT I WAS WORRIED BUT IWONDERED WORKING WITH AUTISTIC CHILDREN . DOES MY CHILD HAVE AUTISM OR SOMETHING.
KYLE WAS IN A NORMAL TODDLERS BED BY THE TIME HE WAS 9 MONTHS..THIS WAS BECAUSE HE WAS THROWING HIMSELF OUT OF HIS CRIB. I LOWERED HIS MATTRESS AND HE STILL WAS ABLE TO CLIMB THJE RAILS AND THROW HIMSELF OUT OF THE CRIB. I THOUGHT HE MIGHT KILL HIMSELF WITH A HEAD INJURY SO ALLOWED A BIG BOY BED AT 9 MONTHS...HIS DAD AND I HAD LOTS OF PROBLEMS. I AM SURE DAD HAS A MENTAL ILLNESS OF SOME KIND. WE DIVORCED WEHN KYLE WAS 2. AFTER PHYSICAL ABUSE ETC. I WENT TO SCHOOL TO BECOME A REGISTERED NURSE, BEING THE MOM OF 2 YOUNG BOYS. I ALWAYS THOUGHT KYLE WAS WONDERFUL. VERY OUTGOING WITH ADULTS, NEVER AFRAID OF ANYTHING. HE WENT TO PRESCHOOL WHILE I WENT TO SCHOOL FULL TIME AND THAT IS WHEN DIFFERENT PEOPLE SAID THINGS TO ME ABOUT HIM...EXAMPLES...(FROWNS ON TEACHERS FACES WHEN I WENT TO PICK HIM UP)......"IN ALL THE HX OF THIS SCHOOL IN 10 YEARS. NO CHILD HAS EVER CLIMBED OVER THE 10 FOO T CYCLONE FENSE UNTIL TODAY." I FELT PROUD, THEY WERE UNHAPPY. THE STAFF TOLD ME MORE AND MORE ABOUT HOW KYLE WAS "DIFFERENT". HE PREFERRED PLAYING ALONE, HE WAS VERY ACTIVE PHYSICALLY BUT SLOW WITH VERBAL.
KYLE ALWAYS HAD TROUBLE SLEEPING, DIDNT NEED A NAP LIKE HIS BROTHER. SECOND PRESCHOOL WAS A PROBLEM BECAUSE THEY WANTED HIM TO TAKE A NAP. KYLE WASNT TIERD, STILL NO SOCIAL INTERACTION AND PREFERRED PLAYING ALONE. EVERYDAY I GOT INFO ON RITALINN FROM TEACHERS. KYLE HAS ALWAYS BEEN VERY ADVANCED PHYSICALLY.
OKAY . YOU GET THE PICTURE...KYLE HAD MANY PROBLEMS WITH SCHOOL. AFTER ONE YEAR OF COUNSELING FOR MYSELF , WE PUT HIM ON MEDICINE FOR ADHD. I DONT KNOW IF IT HELPED OR NOT. HE DID WELL OR BAD INSCHOOL DEPENDING ON THE TYPE OF TEACHER HE HAD. HE WAS BULLIED AND HATED SCHOOL. HE WAS SMART AND COULD READ A BOOK AND RECITE IT BACK, INCLUDING STATISTICS, THINGS THAT WERE ODD: HE HAD NIGHT TERRORS,A IMAGINARY FRINED , AND A VERY HIGH TOLERANCE FOR PAIN. (WHEN HE LEARNED THE TOOTH FAIRY CAME AFTER LOOSING HIS FIRST TOOTH, THE NEXT NIGHT HE CAME TO ME WITH 4 TEETH HE PULLED HIMSELF).
I ENDED UP HOMESCHOOLING KYLE IN 3RD GRADE AFTER HE SAID HE WANTED TO "DIE " AT SCHOOL AND ATE THE SARAN WRAP FROM HIS LUNCH. AT 8 YEARS OLD. HE WAS ALWAYS IN THE OFFICE. ALWAYS I FELT LIKE I WAS DOING SOMETHING WRONG OR THEY THOUGHT I WAS. COUNSELING FROM THE TIME HE WAS 5.

KYLE WOULD RAGE AND BREAK THINGS AROUND THE HOUSE. STARTING AROUND THE AGE OF 5-6. I WAS TAUGHT TO "HOLD" HIM SO HE WOULDNT HURT HIMSELDF OR OTHERS. THIS COULD GO ON FOR HOURS. WHEN HE WAS ABOUT 8 I HAD NUMEROUS TIMES WHERE HE WOULD GET A HAND LOOSE AND HE WOULD CURL MY HAIR AROUND AND HE WOULD PULL MY HAIR OUT. BY THE FIST FULL. HIS BROTHER CALLED THE POLICE FOR THE FIRST TIME WHEN HE WAS ABOUT 8, AFTER A 2-3 HOUR SCREAMING BINGE THAT WE HAVE ON FILM. I LEARNED THAT THE LESS STIMULATION THE BETTER FOR HIM. KEEP HIS ROOM SIMPLE, NO BRIGHT COLORS, ETC.
HE NEVER SLEPT. BENADRYL OR MELLATONIN WHEN HE WAS 8 YEARS OLD. MY SECOND HUSBAND COULD NOT HANDLE IT. WE WERE MARRIED 5 YEARS, HE WAS TRUELLY CONCERNED FOR THE SAFETY OF HIS OWN DAUGHTER.

KYLE WAS LATER DX WITH BIPOLAR. I HAD ONE DOCTOR SUGGEST MAYBE HE HAD SOME KIND OF AUTISM. .......WHEN KYLE TURNED 14 HE WAS NO LONGER CUTE AND LITTLE. I COULD NO LONGER HOLD HIM DOWN WHEN HE HAD HIS RAGES. HE WENT TO MANY SCHOOLS DUE TO BE KICKED OUT OF ONE AFTER ANOTHER. HE WENT TO A SCHOOL WHER THERE IS ALOT OF STRUCTURE BUT HEY HAD ALOT OF JUVENILE DELINQUINTS. HE LEARNED ABOUT DRUGS ETC. I WORKED WITH THE SCHOOL CLOSELY BUT I WAS SO AFRAID OF WHAT WAS HAPPENING TO HIM AND LOSING HIM TO JAIL OR HIM HURTING HIMSELF...I ENDED UP HAVING HIM ARRESTED AT THE SCHOOLS REQUEST FOR GRTABBING ME IN HIS ROOM , AFTER HE AND I ARGUED. IT WAS AWFUL. I HOPED IT WOULD OPEN DOORS FOR US AS A FAMILY. IT DIDNT. HE STILL HATESS ME FOR IT. AS A SINGLE PARENT OF 3 KIDS, (KYLE HAS A YOUNGER SISTER THAT IS 9YEARS OLD RIGHT NOW) IT WAS HARD TO WORK NIGHT S A S A NURSE AND BE A PARENT. I ALWAYS HAD TO HAVE SOMEONE WITH KYLE. HE WOULD DO THINGS THAT MADE ME NOT TRUST HIM THAT I COULD WITH HIS BROTHERT AT THE SAME AGE....IF LEFT ALONE, HE WOUDL TURN THE ELECTRICITY OFF TO THE HOUSE, DO THINGS DANGEROUS, (ON THE ROOF ETC.)

I SENT KYLE TO A PROGRAM IN MEXICO WHEN HE WAS 14 . IT WAS SOPOSE TO HELP TROBLED TEENS, EVEN TEENS THAT WERE BIPOLAR, ETC. AFTER 4 MONTHS, THEY CALLED AND TOLD ME THAT THIS WAS NOT THE RIGHT PROGRAM FOR HIM AND I HAD 24 HOURS TO GET HIM OUT. HE HAD TRIED TO HANG HIMSELF TWICE, DRANK BLEACH AND ALMOST SEXUALLY ASSDAULTED ANOTHER CHILD. ........THAT WAS HIS FIRST PSYCHIATRIC ADMISSION. HE HATES ME FOR THAT. HE HAS BEEN ON MEDS AND THEY SEEM TO TAKE THE EDGE OFF BUT THEN HE MANIPUL;ATES AND HATES THEM AND STOPS IT. HE HAS BEEN HOSPITILIZED 4 TIMES. GONE TO LIVE WITH MY BROTHER TWICE FOR MONTHS . CONSTANT COUNSELING. SPECIAL ED, KYLE IS A LOVING SWEET PERSON WHO WILL GIVE YOU THE SHIRT OFF HIS BACK IF ASKED. HE HAS FEW FRIENDS, AND DOESNT REALLY KNOW HOW TO FIT IN SOCIALLY OR ACT APPROPRIALTEL WITH HIS PEERS. IFEEL BAD FOR HIM . I ALSO HOLD HIM ACCOUNTABLE BECAUSE I LOVE HIM AND THE LAW IS THE LAW. I AM AFRAID HE WILL END UP IN OPRISON. I AM THE ONE PERSON IN HIS LIFE WHO WILL LOVWE HIM NO MATTER WHAT,,,, YET HE HATES ME AND SAYS HE DOESNT THINK I LOVE HIM . HE WILL APOLOGIZE TO OTHE RFAMILY MEMBERS BUT NOT ME. WH7Y IS THAT>

RIGHT NOW..........KYLE IS 17 YEARS OLD. I SIGNED HIM UP FOR DRIVERS TRAINIGN IN MARCH, HE WOULDNT FINSISH THE PAPER WORK INSPITE OF ME TELLING HIM I WOULD HELP. HE HAS BEEN IN SPECIAL SCHOOLS AND THEN TO A CONTINUATIONS SCHOOL. MY FAMILY IS CLOSE BUT THEY ARE ANGRY WITH HIM. I AM NOT HAPPY WITH HIM WHEN HE BEHAVE BADLY( POLICE TO OUR HOUSE MANY MANY TIMES) BUT I WILL ALWAYS LOVE HIM. FOR SOME REASON TO KYLE I AM THE ENEMY. WHY????????

I WOULD APPRECIATE ANY FEED BACK. KYLE HAS BEEN ON THE RUN FOR 4 WEEKS. I HAVE A APPT WITH HIS DR TODAY AND I HAD READ A BOOK ABOUT ASPERGERS SYNDRTOME OVER THE WEEKEND. IK WAS BLOWN AWAY ABOUT HOW CLOSE THIS FITS KYLE. WHAT AM I DOING WRONG? MY THOUGHT IS THIS>...........NO MATTER WHAT IS WRONG WITH ANY OF US....YOU CANT BREAK THE LAW, CANT HURT OTHER OPEOPLE OR YOURSELF. I TRY TO SET UP CLEAR RULES WITH KYLE. I AM THE ONLY ONE OUT OF MY VERY CLOSE FAMILY WHO LOVES AND IS THERE FOR HIM NO MATTER WHAT. EVEN KYLES SIBLINGS ARE SICK TO DEATH OF THE VIOLENCE AND CRAZINESS...YET HE ALWAYS IS ANGRY WITH ME...........WHY IS THIS AND WHAT SHOULD I DO? HE WILL BE 18 IN LESS THAN A YEAR....SHOULD I TRY TO PLACE HIM IN A GROUP HOME OR SOMETHING TO KEEP HIM SAFE? OR SHOULD I LET HIM BE? THANKYOU FOR ANY INPUT

As a mom, I can empathize with your pain. I don't see anything in your post that points to Asperger's. I have heard of similar behavior in a child diagnosed with Non-Verbal Learning Disability. I'm no doctor though so take my advice with a question mark. It's hard to tell from an email post, but it seems to me that your son hasn't been properly diagnosed. It sounds like you've been left in the dark without a diagnosis that would lead to a proper course of treatment. It's hard to tell from your post, but if I was in your shoes I would persist and persist until I found the best consultant I could to make an accurate diagnosis based on current knowledge of brain disorders.

It sounds like the family needs to understand this problem from a clinical perspective, rather than moralizing over it.

As I say, I'm no doctor, but when you mentioned his learning about drugs I thought of something. In some countries there is alot of moralizing that goes on about drug abuse so that the general public doesn't get to hear alternate theories about why drug abuse occurs. It might be that your son was drawn to some substance to self-medicate. Whatever the drug he was interested in or as you seemed to hint, might still be using, it may be that, even if it is an illicit drug, it alleviates some of his symptoms. There might be a clue there based on whatever psychoactive substance he was or is drawn to that could explain what is going on with his brain.

I wish you luck, and I hope that you get the resources you need. It sounds like you need therapeutic support yourself to deal with these issues.

Hello,

I wish I lived around the corner to you. I'd come over and put the kettle on and make you a cup of tea!

What I read sounds very familiar to me (my son is 5 - eldest of 3 boys) and feels like you've been to my house. Particularly the colic, being able to climb and being out of the cot early and many other things like having to keep an eye and an ear every second of the day and never feeling that you can leave your son with anyone else because their reflexes just are not sharp enough, they are not physically strong enough etc. But I am afraid that I don't know enough to know whether this puts your son "in the zone."

I do know that you've worked bl**dy hard and been an amazing mum. Please could you have that cup of tea and let yourself have 5 minutes of peace because YOU DESERVE IT!! !

And then, after that 5 minutes is up I hope someone here can tell you where you can get the right kind of help for all of you. Maybe, at least coming here could show you that your experiences are by no means unique.

Sorry if that makes no sense but, while I am writing this in the basement, I can hear 2 of my boys chasing each other around the house so something's going to get smashed!! !

i sympathize with you greatly....it is so upsetting to know something is wrong with your child and not know what to do, or what's wrong.......i, too, wish i could give you a hug....i think what's most important at this time is that, while he is still a minor, you get him re-dx'd.... once he's hit 18, you're sort of out of luck unless he's willing to go for assessment. stay safe.

It sounds to me, because of his risky and violent behavior and the fact that he sees you as the enemy, that he needs to be placed in the right facility and recieve an accurate diagnosis. He needs a place that can handle his rages and abnormal behavior while giving him whatever therapy he truly needs. It sounds like nothing that you have done has worked so far and you have other children to raise. It also sounds as if your second marriage may have disintegrated due to Kyle's behavior. This is serious and sounds like it may be beyond your control now. Never give up searching for the solution but realize that you cannot control everything and solve every problem for your child. It is good that you found this website because now maybe you can network and find the right place for Kyle. God bless you.

it took awhile to get my son's behaviors under control....we hospitalized him thinking this would help, but as we've found out, choosing the right hospital would've made the difference..........check out what's out there. find some place that hopefully can get him stabilized. as it turns out, our son's erratic and violent behaviors were due in great part to an ENORMOUS lack of sleep~ he wasn't getting more than 3 or 4 hours of sleep per night. the dr found meds that help him sleep, and i must admit that the change in my son has been incredible !

Shay, I'm reposting your post in mixed case with some more spacing and stuff in the hope that it will be easier to read and more people will help. I found it very hard to read in the original format. I mean well - please don't be angry or offended.

Shay

Here are my completely unqualified amateur thoughts in response to your post. I hope some are useful. Ignore any you feel are not helpful.

Kyle seems in urgent need of professional help. I agree with you that the violence is not acceptable and if he doesn't get help to stop he will end up in prison or worse.

I don't know if you are doing anything wrong, but I think this might be too big to handle on your own. If you have a plan that you and your family can follow, I think there is hope but you might need a good professional to help you. I like psychologists better than psychiatrists because psychologists have to find a drug free way to help as their first option.

I think Kyle has some autistic or aspie traits but I think that the major problems might be caused by something else in addition - like bi-polar perhaps. Aspergers and ADHD are often confused, sometimes - very rarely they overlap. I have read that ADHD medication like Ritalin can make the anxiety and depression that can go with Aspergers worse. For the anxiety and depression - I've read aspie kids have been put on Zoloft or Aropax or similar. However these drugs can have severe downsides too, so you need to pay close attention and make sure you're getting improvement, not the opposite. If it is at all possible to get Kyle to manage without drugs, this would be my preferred option and I get the impression it would be his too. I don't know about Bipolar overlapping with Aspergers - I suppose it could happen. I don't know what drugs are used to help with bipolar, or if counselling can help.

However there are books for anger management. http://www.tonyattwood.com.au/ - the red book "exploring feelings - cognitive behaviour therapy to manage anger" might help. I found for myself the book "Asperger's, a guide for parents and professionals" very helpful. But it isn't going to be enough by itself to help with Kyle.

For me, anger is usually a result of extreme frustration. Which is stupid because frustration is about being stopped from doing something you want to do - because of something you can do nothing about. If you can't do anything about the block - why get angry? But I do anyway. And if I get really angry - I need a lot of space and time to calm down. But I don't usually hit things.

Ok I know this sounds silly - but do you think Kyle would be interested in a real punching bag - then he would have something he could hit safely. Displacement especially exercise helps me immensely.

Things you write about Kyle that sound aspie or autistic
* not wanting to be cuddled
* not being comfortable about eye contact
* playing alone
* being slow with language - this is more autistic than aspergers
* reading whole books and reciting back
* liking stats or numbers
* being bullied (or being the bully)
* insensitivity to pain

Things you write that don't seem particularily aspie or autistic to me
* climbing out of the crib
* climbing the fence (though I did something like that after being given pre-op "calming" meds when I was four).
* not sleeping - although stress might cause this
* night terrors
* rages - some aspies do this but isn't "diagnostic"
* suicidal thoughts - some aspies do this but isn't "diagnostic"
* bipolar - if Kyle has rage and depression because of aspie related frustrations, then bipolar might be a misdiagnosis.

I'm not sure why Kyle hates you and won't apologise to you, but I suspect it is because you're the one that has to set and enforce the rules, and it is pretty normal for a teenager to push the limits with his parents. And then combine this with his other problems, and your life is more exciting than comfortable.

You could actually talk to him about it. It's ok if what he says doesn't make sense to you, just tell him you hear him but you don't understand. And tell him you're trying your best and you mean well even if it doesn't seem like it to him.

When you set rules, explain why each rule is the way it is, the rewards for keeping it, and the consequences, all the way to logical extremes - of breaking it. Be detailed and specific and make up stories giving specific examples - these are called "social stories" if you want to look for them with google.

In Australia, at 18, a child becomes an adult and legally independent of his parents and able to do whatever he wants. At this time it would be very difficult for a parent to force their child into care. I don't know if the rules are the same where you are, but if you need to take extreme measures - you may need to do it before his birthday. The age might be 21 in the USA but I'm not sure.

If Kyle does have aspergers or autism - there are a whole lot of strategies for teaching him and yourself communication skills that help remove a lot of the stress and frustration and might then reduce the frequency and severity (violence) of the temper tantrums (aka meltdowns). However if it is related to bipolar - I'm not sure if this would be enough. That's why I think you need additional help.

When Kyle is in a good mood, you could also show Kyle the wrong planet website and the aspie quiz and see what he thinks. There are a lot of good things about being aspie.

JohnnysEntertainmentFan, in the Anger thread in the haven wrote that he went to a psych hosipital, hated it at first but then liked it and found it helped him. It was Menninger in Houston, Texas.

I think if you can find a psych hospital that is actually recommended by former patients that would be better than sending him to Mexico. Hopefully you can make a deal with Kyle so it doesn't come to that.

I WANT TO THANK EACH AND EVERY PERSON FOR POSTING A COMMENT ON THIS FOR ME..............IT HELPED SO MUCH. I AM STILL WORKING HARD TO FIND ANSWERS FOR KYLE. I HAVE BEEN MEETING WITH HIS PSYCHIATRIST...HE FEELS HE NEEDS IMMEDIATE HOSPITILIZATION BUT KYLE IS HANDLING THINGS JUST WELL ENOUGH OUT OF THE HOME WHERE HE CANNOT BE 5150. HE IS DRIVING A CAR AROUND TOWN ,( IHAVE BEEN TOLD) WITHOUT A DRIVERS LICENSE OR INSURANCE. BEING A MINOR I AM LIABLE . THE POLICE ARE AWARE BUT NOT MAKING A ATTEMPT TO FIND HIM . THEY WOULD ARREST HIM IF HE IS IN A ACCIDENT OR SOMETHING THOUGH. IT IS VERY FRUSTRATING. OUR FAMILY COUNSELOR WE MEET WITH WEEKLY AND FEELS KYLE IS LOSING TOUCH WITH REALITY AND MAYBE SELF MEDICATING WITH STREET DRUGS. I AM SO AFRAID FOR HIM. I BROUGHT UP THE SUBJECT OF ASPERGERS WITH HIS PSYCHIATRIST....HE SAID THERE MAY BE SOME SIMILARITIES BUT HE FEELS MORE LIKE HE IS BIPOLAR I, OR HEADING TOWARD A DX OF SCHIZOPRENIA. KYLE HAS BEEN HOSPITILIZED SEVERAL TIMES IN THE PAST. BUT HTEY KEEP HIM 2 WEEKS, READJUST HIS MEDS AND THEN KICK HIM OUT. I THINK THAT WHEN HE COMES IN, THEY ASSUME THE ORIGINAL DX AND GO WITH IT. IT WOULD BE NICE TO FIND SOMEPLACE WHERE THEY COULD LOOK AT HIM WITH FRESH THOUGHTS. I HAVE HAD ALMOST EVERYTHING RULED OUT MEDICALLY ..BUT STILL HAVE DOUBTS AT TIMES..(CAT SCANS, MRIS, EEGS)
I WORK GRAVEYARD AS A NURSE AND KYLE DID CALL ME LAST WEEK AFTER POSTING THIS. HE SEEMED HALF WAY CALM AND HE AGREED TO MEET ME IN PUBLIC THE NEXT DAY AT A FAST FOOD PLACE, AFTER I MET WITH HIS PSYCHIATRIST. IT DID NOT GO WELL LIKE I HAD HOPED. WHEN I PULLED UP I SAW HIM WITH A GROUP OF KIDS THAT WERE A SCAREY LOOKING CROWD. KYLE LOOKED LIKE HELL. THEY ALL WERE DIRTY, PIERCED, WEARING BLACK, KYLE HAD ON BRACELETS THAT WERE BLACK LEATHER AND SPIKES. I HAD TO BITE MY TOUNGE. WHEN KYLE GOT IN MY CAR I ASKED HIM IF HE WOULLD LIKE SOMETHING TO EAT AND HE SAID YES. WE DROVE THROUGH THE DRIVE THROUGH PART OF THE PLACE AND GOT HAMBURGERS, FRIES AND SODA. WE THEN PARKED NOT TO FAR FROM HIS FRIENDS. HE TOLD ME HE WANTED TO SHOW ME HIS NEW CAR HE BOUGHT. I TOLD HIM I COULD NOT SUPPORT THE FACT HE WAS DRIVING BECAUSE IT IS AGAINST THE LAW WITHOUT A DRIVERS LICENSE OR INSURANCE. I TOLD HIM I WOULD SUPPORT HIM IN ANY WAY IF HE WAS DOING THE RIGHT THING BUT I COULDNT SUPPORT OR BE A PART OF THINGS NOT THE RIGHT WAY.
KYLE BECAME MORE AND MORE ANGRY. HE QUESTIONED EVERYTHING I HAD DONE FOR HIM...WHY DID I PUT HIM IN SPECIAL EDUCATION IN SCHOOL? SPEECH PATHOLOGY CLASSES, COUNSELING, DOCTORS, MEXICO, HOSPITALS. I TOLD HIM THAT THE BOTTOM LINE WAS I LOVE HIM, ALWAYS HAVE AND I TOOK ADVICE OF PROFESSIONALS WHO SAW A PROBLEM. I TOLD HIM I WASNT PERFECT AND WAS SORRY FOR ANYTHIGN THAT MAY OF HURT HIM BUT ONLY WANTED THE BEST FOR HIM. I TOLD HIM I HAD ALWAYS WANTED TO PROVIDE HELP SO THAT HE WOULD HAVE A BETTER LIFE LATER.I TOLD HIM THAT I KNEW SOMETHING WASNT JUST RIGHT WITH HIM BUT THAT WASNT WHO HE WAS .....KYLE WAS ASKING OVER AND OVER WHY DID I TELL PEOPLE THAT I SAID HE WAS GOING TO KILL HIMSELF WHEN HE LEFT OUR HOME ONE MONTH AGO. I TOLD HIM BECAUSE HE SAID IT OVER AND OVER AND HAD EVN QUIT HIS JOB EARLIER THAT DAY. HE TOLD ME AND MY HUSBAND THAT IF HE LEFT THAT NIGHT HE WAS GOING TO DIE, HE SAID THIS SEVERAL TIMES. BUT HERE HE IS IN MY CAR NOW ASKING ME WHY I SAID THAT. HE ALSO SAID HE WEAS ANGRY BECAUSE IN THE PAST I ASKED HIM TO WAKE ME UP IN THE AFTERNOON IF I DIDNT GET UP TO MY ALRM CLOCJ AFTER WORKING ALL NIGHT,. HE WAS YELLING THAT TEENAGERS SHOULDNT HAVE TO DO THIS. I EXPLAINED THAT I WORK 6PM TO 6AM AND IT ISANT EASY ALWAYS WAKING UP BUT WHAT WAS THE BIG DEAL WITH THIS? WHY DID IT BOTHER HIM SO MUCH WHEN HIS BROTHER HAD NO PROBLEM WITH THIS???HE SAID THAT IT WAS BECAUSE HIS BROTHER WAS MY GOLDEN CHILD. I TOLD KYLE THAT HE WAS ALWAYS SPECIAL TO ME. HE WAS YELLING THAT I SHOULD TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR "BEATING HIM." I TOLD HIM I NEVER BEAT HIM AND TO BE SPECIFIC. HE TOLD ME THAT WHEN HE WAS 14 YEARS OLD HE REMEMBERS ME TAKING A FIST AND HITTING HIM ON TOP OF HIS HEAD. I WAS CRYING AND TOLD HIM I DONT RECALL SUCH A THING BUT IF I DID I AM SO SORRY BUT HOW COULD HE SAY THAT WAS A BEATING? I ALSO ASKED HIM IF HE THOUGHT I WAS SUCH A BAD MOM WHY DID HIS BROTHER WHO IS 20 MONTHS OLDER FEEL AND LOOK AT THINGS SO DIFFERENTLY. HE CONTINUED TO SCREAM AND YELL AT ME INSPITE OF MY TEARS AND I TOLD HIM I WOULD NOT CONTINUE THE CONVERSATION WITH SUCH DISRESPECT. HE GOT OUT OF THE CAR AND AS I STARTED TO DRIVE AWAY SLOWLY HE CAME UP AND THREW HIS FRNECH FRIES IN MY FACE. I HAVENT HEARD FROM HIM SINCE. I CRIED FOR 2 HOURS IN A NEAR BY PARKING LOT.

I DO HAVE A MEETING TODAY WITHA CHILD PROTECTIVE WORKER. I AM HOPING HE WILL HAVE SOME IDEAS. I HAVE ALREADY MET WITH A ATORNEY A FEW WEEKS AGO WHO DOES NOT KNOW WHAT TO DO TO HELP ME. HIS PSYCHIATRIST FEELS HE MAY NEED A CONSERVATER WHEN HE TURNS 18, DUE TO HIS LACK OF JUDGEMENT.

THANKYOU AGAIN FOR ALL OF YOUR INPUT AND I WILL CONTINUE TO LOOK THROUGH THIS SITE. IT HAS HELPED SO MUCH JUST KNOWING I AM NOT ALONE

I read what you you are writing about working the graveyard shift. I know it well. I have done this and my other half has done it when he was a nurse.

I know that it is tiring.

Obviously, there are many reasons for your son's behaviour. Perhaps his complaining about getting you up for work is his way of saying that he wishes he could have you around in the evening and during the day.

Is there any way that you could work more usual hours.

I feel that this would be important and would benefit you too.

I feel that everybody should do a stint of these hours but should not do them long-term.

I hope this doesn't sound ignorant. I know it's not always that easy but maybe this is the catalyst you need for changing the way that you live your life too.

(that's cute, lastwish)


Shay, it seems as though your son has a very irrational and counterproductive way of viewing and dealing with life. He certainly does sound delusional, raging and possibly dangerous! Is it the use of illegal drugs or was this typical of his behavior before he became involved with drugs? You have probably done all that you can and if you continue to try to "help" him, he will probably just despise you even more and possibly hurt you. Hopefully, he will mess up badly enough to end up in a facility for a long enough period of time to get some real help. This doesn't look like a healthy teenage rebellion; the common use of drugs or bizarre clothing and questionable friends. He is in serious trouble!

I am writing a response here without capital letters. The only reson I wrote in caps before is so that I wouldnt have to go back a million times to correct. I did not realixe that would be looked at or analyzed, This is the first forum I have ever written on. I am rarely on the commputer. Sorry if that is a problem for anyone.

Never would I consider a teen that dresses punk, uses substances or disrespects his parents as a teen with a mental illness. I would consider that normal teen behavior. The reason that I wrote of those things was that I was giving a update about Kyle and where he is at the moment. I have other children. I would much rather see kyle showered and hanging out with a crowd that is not so scarey looking, mostly I am afraid for him in regards to drugs. He is not a normal teen. He does not have impulse control, he gets depressed and has a hx of making poor decisions. I am scared to death for him. In my original writing that brought me here....I spoke of his hx. Kyle was dx with a mental illness when he was very young. I am probably in a denial because i want to see it. I also feel something maybe overlooked. Everything so far hasnt helped. I wish i could see it on a xray or lab work.

I have worked as a registered nurse for a long time. 12 hour shifts , 3 days a week is full time. then I get 4-7 days off in between. This is more time off then most normal jobs. The reson for working nights is that i am able to be with my family more...or atleast be more available. I eat dinner with them go to work and am home before they get up. Ofcourse in a ideal world I would be home raising my kids. I went through a divorce and I had to work to feed them.

I understand the problem with professionals sometimes dx people with drug abuse with mental illness. I also understand as a nurse who has worked emergency room and critical care, that there are alot of people that have attempted suicide , completed suicide, or drug overdose because they were mis dx or never dx and possiably could of had a medication before they became so desperate. I have seen the awful effects of drug abuse on the body, and I am terrified of Kyle getting hooked up in that world. I may never get him back, or worse yet he may lose his life. His using drugs doesnt make him nentally ill....It does place a deadly weapon in his path.

My last entry was just a update and I do want to share also that i met with a social worker yesterday. He doesnt know what to do with him but suggested my voluntarily signing him over to social workers to place him in a apartment with another teen and adult to oversee them. I told them I would gladly do this.Atleast then I know he would be somewhat safe. I realize I am not going to be his hero. If someone else could be that is great.

thanks again for the input. It has been helpful. I do think I have found another site that more fits our situation. good luck to all