How do I teach him?

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I have tried everything to get my son to learn his abc's. He refuses to sing the song at all, always has. He will look at books with me but after reading this really neat abc book to him nightly for months he has retained none of the info. After being in preschool all year learning about abc's and numbers he has retained none of the info. His teacher said he was the only one out of 12 that didn't know his abc's by the end of the year. His pedi said we needed to find a way to motivate him. Problem is he doesn't seem to care about anything in particular. He doesn't really play with toys just carries them.
My daughter recently bought a hermit crab with her own money, and when he asked why I didn't get him another hermit crab as well I told him dd bought it with her own money. So he got out his money to see if he could buy one too. He doesn't have enough but wants more. So my husband told him he would have to earn it. And ds is begging to clean the bathroom now. Should I use his intrest in money to try to get him to learn his letters? Or would that just be the start of a bad habit?

To help my son, we played alphabet games using his Topic of interest, alternating to make it interesting for everyone and to practice that sometimes difficult taking turns skill.

For example, when he was into Star Wars, he would say 'Anakin Skywalker'. I'd follow with 'Boba Fett' and then he'd counter with Chewbacca. We just skipped letters - after acknowledging their existence - that we couldn't find an answer for.

Sometimes, if I was stumped, I let him solve mine for me (superheroes are NOT my thing).

Yes, I did have to remind him about where we were in the alphabet quite often. Even now, we occasionally chant 'lmno...p!' or 'qrs...t!' . But it made it a little more fun, and gave us a game to play for those long car trips.

You could try a lot of things, but they may not work. Some kids are not able to learn their ABCs until they are older. This is not an indication of problems with intelligence, but simply another way to develop. Read Whites classic "Better Late Than Early" about reading development. His teacher really should be taking that research more into account. It's broadly known and anybody with a teaching certificate should know this stuff.

The ability to read and cope with symbols for spoken language will normally develop anywhere between age 4 and 9. There is NOTHING abnormal about the child who reads later, and they may have a very high IQ or other forms of intelligence. Most children can be taught to read before they hit that stage but they will not read as well in the end as they would have if they'd been allowed to wait. Your child could very well be one of those few who aren't gonna get it, no way, no how, until that light bulb just clicks on.

I'm glad that I'd studied that stuff in college because when I spawned one of those kids myself it didn't freak me out...too much. It's hard when your child isn't doing what everybody else is. You want to protect them from people thinking badly of them for it, but it's hard.

Eldest son could not read until the summer before third grade, no way, no how. He had a handful of sight words, but the concept of phonetics was incomprehensible to him. We'd read to him from the time he was a dot, but as soon as he was old enough to hold a book in his hands he'd grab them, fling them and scream in protest. When he was old enough to add stomping and jumping up and down to his repitoire of book hating activities he did. Written words were just offensive to him. We employed dozens of programs and methods.

This same child loved to cook with me and would work out algebraic concepts through measuring and cooking activities. He'd line things up on the table and explain if you take this many and this many you get this many. But if you have this many at the end and only know this number you can figure this number out by doing it backwards...in his own words, but he'd spontaneously come up with stuff like that by the age of 4. We knew he was smart. He could add fractions, and figure from eigths to fourths or thirds to eighths, or anything like that. Reading and writing, never.

Just before third grade, it clicked. At the start of that year he took some tests to see where he was and came out with a sixth grade reading level.

There is nothing on earth we could have done to get him to read. Most kids can do it even if they aren't ready. It's not the best thing for them cognitively, but if you balance that against the social stigma of being late to do something like that, then it's often worth it anyway. It's tough for a teacher because so much depends on having the kids all reading and writing at about the same level by the end of first grade. It's a lot harder to teach when kids are different...but they *are* different and are supposed to be, and the world would be worse off if they weren't... but if you've got a room of twenty little kids and a whole school year to cope with, you make compromises.

You may be able to get him to read before he's ready. Even if you can't there's no way to say when that magic moment will be. Please don't be alarmed or think badly of your son because he's not ready yet. He could very well be a brilliant reader in the making.

i understand the problem because i also have a son who is not interested in anything (including toys) so it is very hard to motivate him.
we do give him cake as a reward for 15 mins of writing or reading that he practices every day and lately he got used to this as aroutine that he will do them on his own. you can try but if you see that he is not getting anything from it, than it is better to wait or concentrate on the things he can do before trying it again after some time.

Does he like the computer? My son is 7 (will be 8 in July) and was still reading at bearly a 1st grade level. We found a program that teaches reading and typing skills. Its called Nessy Games and Nessy Fingers. We had to by the games in British Pounds but it was cheaper than buying it from a place here. Actually we got two games for the price they wanted to charge us for one in American dollars. My son learns better from the TV (he watches the Science channel, the history and military channel and Animal planet) and from the computer.

Word World, (both the t.v. show and the games on PBS kids) is great for teaching kids letters and phonics. I wouldn't use it in liu of reading with a child and playing letter/rhyming games with the child. It sounds like you are doing all the mommy centric things you can and need some reinforcement ideas.

My daughters are partial to the They Might Be Giants dvd/cd combos, these include letters, numbers and SCIENCE

The reading will come with time, try not to stress yourself overmuch.

I would say that if earning money motivates him, then go for it to help him learn his alphabet. My son is like yours in that toys usually don't motivate him. He is motivated by rewards like sweets. What I have found is that once he starts realizing that there is satisfaction in what he is learning, then he usually doesn't even ask for the rewards anymore. Also, definitely use the "special interests" wherever possible. My son is obsessed with Volkswagons. So one reward I use now is looking up makes and models of VW's on the Volkswagon website! You've gotta do whatever works!

Can I just ask... how are you and his teacher determining that he has "retained none of the info"? Is it possible that he has retained it but is not communicating it back to you on queue?

Well if he is retaining the info he is keeping it a big secret. He refuses to sing the abc song, and can recognize the letters A, B, O, and X. These are the only ones he recognizes at home and at school. I decided to teach him about money since that's what he's interested in. But I also told him I'd give him $5 if he sang the abc song. He tried to sing along at 1st then he just sang "stupid, stupid, stupid" cause he says the song is stupid. I will keep going over the stuff with him, he's bound to get it one day.

It sounds like perhaps he is not an auditory learner - kids on the spectrum frequently have auditory processing deficits, or as I perfer to call them, visual processing strengths. Maybe it's time to abandon the ABC song and move to a visual tool for learning his ABCs. Have you seen those giant ABC floor puzzles made of foam? Perhaps that might be an avenue to try... Leapster also has a great ABC Letter Factory video.

my kid has some weird problem with drawing basic shapes and it was a big problem since his OT thought he can not start letters without getting the shapes first. does your son knows shapes?
in our case, OT was wrong, son learned letters but still can not draw square, triangle, etc. when i tried to teach him at home it was a huge strugle to get him to do it. i could see that he is frustrated because he can not get it. eventually he got the triangle but now couldn't draw a circle (before it was all circles). so i now to avoid anxiety i try to teach him to draw a house so he doesn't get intimidated.
anyway my point is to avoid a frustration try to get around it. start with shapes, paralel lines and crosses and then through some game. in our case if it doesn't work repetition just make more frustration and doesn't do anything.