Toilet / Potty Training (sorry, kind of long post)

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I did a search of the forum and didn't see anything on this topic, except actually one in the adolescent section. My son is 4 yrs and 3 mos. Before his AS diagnosis, I had tried several times to introduce the potty (Potty, this is Little Dude. Little Dude, this is Potty.) We have tried all different set-ups -- potties that stand alone on the floor, and the rings that go right on the toilet seat, with a foot stool.

None of these attempts was successful. The last time I tried (with the promise of new Legos if he tried), the only thing he produced on the potty was tears. (Yes, he still got the Legos.) A couple of times he has asked to try it, but then freaked out when he was on it.

Since then, I've kind of dropped the whole issue while we worked on the evaluations and the diagnosis process. My three girls were all kind of late to train and I don't believe in threatening / forcing / punishment.

He has not been able to go to preschool because of this. However, now that he has the diagnosis, he will be able to attend our school district's Preschool Program for Children with Disabilities (PPCD) this fall, which has to take him regardless of potty ability. He will receive OT, PT, and Speech therapy as part of the program, and they will help with the potty training stuff.

I think there are a lot of issues here -- he is low-tone, particularly in his core muscles. He does not enjoy new things. He doesn't really seem to be aware of when he needs to go. He has sensory issues. He does enjoy wearing underwear (especially boxers) but he just can't keep them dry.

So, I'm curious about your experiences, words of wisdom, what worked and what didn't. Thank you!

Hello Stark Raving Mad Mommy, I shall assume that's your real name for the present!! ! .

I cannot help to answer your question about potty training your 4 year old son, but am curious as to whether the doctors there see any link with this and ASD or other condition? I hope you don't mind me asking, but I do have a good reason for my enquiry.

Most ASD kids potty train "late." Most boys train later than most girls. Put that together, and it's not at all surprising that your little guy is still not trained!

Many children, because of sensory issues, don't feel when they have to "go," and they sometimes don't even have the same awareness of when they've already "gone" as other kids might. That makes it much harder to train, because if you don't know you have to go, and you don't know you went, you have no way of training. In addition, the hypotonic muscular situation that faces many of our kids adds to the difficulty - if you have a hard time controlling your muscles, regulating your "output" becomes an additional challenge. Then there's the change of routine - once a child is able to control the muscles and sense when he needs to go, the issue of where he goes, how he goes, etc., becomes a problem - it can be difficult to change what he's used to (from diaper/pull-ups to potty/toilet). It is also difficult to change from being able to just go whenever, wherever to having to stop whatever one was doing (watching TV, playing a game) so one can go to the bathroom and take care of business. For kids who have difficulty with transitions, the disruption in their activities can also be a major obstacle.

None of this means it's hopeless - not at all. It just takes a bit of extra time. Make sure you know what the plan is going to be at school - you don't want the plan to be that your son will be sitting on a potty all day for a month. You do want to be able to have a plan that can be generalized successfully to home, so that when he becomes potty trained at school, he will also be potty trained at home (and in the community). Communication will be crucial. Don't worry if it takes a while. There are lots of kids who aren't potty trained at your son's age, who do become fully, independently trained within a year later. If he hasn't been getting any OT or PT until now, and he is going to be receiving those services, his increase in muscle tone and body awareness could help in all kinds of ways! Hang in there.

When the time comes that he's ready to train, don't yell at him for having accidents, in his underwear. My mum yelled at me, and it's had a very long term effect on me. I was even afraid to spend the night with my mum, three years ago, because I wear Depends, for #2. The type of accidents that I was yelled at, for. 'I'm a Loser' by The Beatles, was my favourite song from the last accident that I had, as a child, until I was diagnosed with Clinical Depression, 12 summers ago.

We reward with miniature m&m's any success, and do our utmost best to ignore failure. Our older girl had extreme issues, which turned out to be diet related. I am not suggesting diet plays any part in your son. You seem to be very aware of how muscle tone could affect it. Patience pays off. Don't punish for things that phsyiologically can't be helped. Speak with appropriate person (PT for muscle tone?) and get suggestions.

Also, lots of kids are potty training late these days. Pull-ups are (aparently) very comfortable. So, try not to get discouraged and know that you are most certainly not the only mom out there with a late one on this.

My AS son who is almost 5, got trained right after he turned 4. He also has low tone (although it is really improving) The funny thing with my son is that he never got upset about sitting on the potty. I was able to train him to go poo poo first. He is my only child, so I was able to notice the signs of when he needed to go (making strange faces, straining noises, passing gas) Then I would just say "Oh you must have to go poo poo," and then put him on the potty until he went. Then I would make a big deal of it and praise him and give him a reward. Usually a lollipop or m&ms. He got the hang of poopoo way before pee pee, but I was okay with that.

The peepee for us was a little trickier. I think it was mostly because it is so convenient for them to just go in the pull up. It is hard for them to even know that they have gone in the pullup. So, I just had to bite the bullet and put him in the underwear (We did it in the summer) I cleaned up a lot of peepee off the floor LOL! I remained calm and just kept changing him and saying oh, you went pee pee in your pants. Then I just started taking him to the potty all through the day. I would put him up there and if he went pee, then I would make a real big deal and give him an M&M or a lollipop. Then I started noticing that he did not want to stop what he was doing to take a pee pee break, so I started giving him one M&M or one skittle to at least try. After a while, he started getting the hang of it, and he didn't like it when he was wet. I would just put a pullup on him when we went out, and keep the underwear on as much as I could at home.

The key is just patience and remaining calm and just keep reminding them. You have to just keep reminding, but if there is an accident, just clean it up and keep trying.

Good luck! Hope some of this helps!

Thanks, everyone. Right now he's really, really opposed to using the potty, even with major bribery, so I'm going to just back off for a while. Plus, next month we are doing a long (cross-country) car trip, so it's probably better to wait until after that to try again.

Probably a good idea. Another thing I did was show videos and dvds about potty training. Maybe you could get some and show them to him in the car on the road trip just to get him used to the idea.

i dont have any helpful suggestions, but i just wanted to commiserate with you on the potty training! my aspie is 4 yrs 4 mths, so pretty much right at the same age. he is completely uninterested in using the potty. ive noticed with him that he doesnt seem to identify when he has to go or even when he is going. i think he is starting to learn the muscle control tho as lately he finds it hilarious to toot at me when i am changing him

we do plan to work on the potty training this summer. hes a big chocoholic, so the m&ms are the plan. were going to start with offering an m&m if he tells me he is going or needs to as that is one of the first stumbling blocks we have.

weve always taken the relaxed approach too and dont force it. thats worked well for us so far. our oldest boy, not nt but not asd, trained 1-2 months before his 4th birthday, and never had a single accident. our nt boy trained right about 4y5m, had a few accidents but those were mainly do to his activity level and not stopping playing in time to make it to the potty.

now if only i can figure out how to keep my SO, the other chocoholic aspie in the house, from eating all the m&ms!