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I found my now 18 year olds IEP from when she was 13 and I noticed that it says she had severe emotional/social issues and anxiety. Another one said they thought she was depressed. Now I knew my daughter was having a lot of difficulty in school and I know that I read and signed the IEP but, at the time, I didnt know what Aspergers or Autism was.....shouldnt the school have known?
I guess Im just upset that my daughter did not get diagnosed earlier when the signs were there. Now she has so many problems and didnt even finish high school. She is very depressed, and paranoid that everyone is judging her. I worry so much that I am leaving her....I wish she would come with us but I cant force her. She knows she can come to France whenever she wants or even go live with my parents if living with her sister and their boyfriends become too much.
Am I wrong to be angry about the school system?

Your not "wrong" to be angry about the school system.

However, it might be more beneficial to acknowledge your anger, take a deep breath and move forward, using the knowledge and skills that you currently have to make yours and your families lives better.

Dwelling on anger at this point will only make your life miserable.

I share where you are coming from. I was just viewing an excellent workshop video regarding toilet training. The presenter is a legitimate expert in the field of toilet training for children, teens and adults with developmental disabilities (she specializes with ASD). She made it very clear that preschools and schools need to be involved with toilet training. Even though my son had a support worker at each preschool, the preschool did NOTHING to help with toilet training (heck, I even had to be available for diaper changes if my son had an accident - they wouldn't even do that!). I was not happy about this at the time, and now I am really unhappy about the situation. I chose to send my son to preschool because I desired the social interaction and integrated learning. He still received this benefit - however, their unwillingness to help with the toileting held him back in other ways.

Anyways, not to go on and on about it - my point (in relation to your thread) is that my being angry at the preschool is not going to help my son and it won't help me. The only thing that I can do (that will be beneficial) is to acknowledge that this situation was wrong and, should I meet another parent in a similiar situation, I can share my new knowledge with them and give them solid references so that they can better advocate for their own child.

I hope that your daughter has some solid contacts at home (extended family, close friends, developmental disabilities center or ???) so that she can have some support while you are in France. Now that you all know the condition that your daughter is dealing with - she has the ability to grow. One thing that I have learned from all my reading on ASD is that therapies and informal excercises can benefit someone of ANY age. It's not too late for your daughter. She can continue to grow and flourish.

I agree with everything you say but I think things need to change. If a kid shows signs then they need to be properly evaluated....be they male or female. I think the girls just tend to get swept under the rug.

A helpful thing to do would be to advocate for other parents.

I am hoping to help out by doing a presentation for my local family drop in center. I want to share some of the signs of autism and what to do if a parent observes any concerns. I hope that by sharing this - other parents will get a quicker diagnosis and parents of neurotypical children will have a better grasp of the condition so that they can be supportive of parents of children with special needs.

Other ways of channeling your anger would be financial support of your local autism center or developmental disabilities center. A center in my area (Britiish Columbia, Canada) is Autism Community Training of British Columbia. They put on conferences and presentations for parents, educators and other paraprofessionals and professionals who work with people with autism and other developmental disabilities. It is this type of training which would motivate and educate staff at schools to better understand, motivate and integrate students with autism.

Another thing that I did was to share my story with the Autism Society of British Columbia. I shared with them that my son should have been diagnosed sooner, but the doctors always shrugged her shoulders and gave me the "you're just a stressed mum" spiel. I knew nothing about ASD. I think that if information had been available at the newborn drop in and the family drop in - I would have insisted on a referral to a pediatrician a year before. I suggested that the Autism Society give a talk at these venues and have information available. I received a reply and they are going to take me up on these suggestions.

Think of ways that you can advocate and help make the system better. This is excellent use of anger.

Considering I am moving to France in August I cant do much advocating in the US other than what I already do with my youngest daughters videos (Autistic Princess) on youtube. Also I did sign the petition going around to change the DMV to help diagnose girls.
I already see changes taking place here I hope in the next few years girls with Asperger's are better recognized so others dont have to suffer without any help. Then again the schools (at least here in California) do next to nothing for kids with Asperger's. However there are good places that offer social skills training, my younger kids get services through such a place and my insurance pays part of it.
I do hope that my daughter can overcome her years of abuse from other kids and her own anxiety (she has horrible scars on her arms, legs and hands from skin picking and her blood pressure goes up with her anxiety attacks that she has several times a day).
Even though she is young and to us we see endless possibilities there have been times when she has confided in me that she is simply done with life. Hopefully all the things we have in place for her for after we are gone will help and she has her sister to look out for her.