My 15-yr old with Aspergers / Need help, advice

Post Reply New Topic

My name is Robin Griswane. I'm at a loss. I need urgent advice.

I'm a parent of a 15-yr old Asperger son, diagnosed about four years ago. I've been having some really tough times dealing with his behavior. He's in a special ed class, public schooled. Four out of the fifteen kids have the same condition, and I was conversing with one of them who steered me to this Wrong Planet thing. He's been to a countless number of therapists and more, and I am at a loss as to what I can do anymore. That's why I decided to turn here, getting some insight into what may motivate his thinking and to see how others deal with this. If any of you want me to stick around, I will, though I don't have the time to post too often. I am a journalist, and I do a lot of work for magazines and newspapers. Today was a Sunday, so it fairly easy for me to find the time. This will be a lengthy post, detailing his behavior and some background history. I would like input as to what sort of route I can take in trying to make him live a more fulfilling life, because frankly, I'm quite scared. I have debated for the past three weeks to write this, and always shied away, but I just broke down this past weekend.

Ever since he was born, both I and my husband noticed odd and strange problems. Take, for just one example, when he was about four years old. My husband had built one of our houses from scratch, having been efficient at woodwork as far back as I knew him. My son watched him put on the cabinets with a screwdriver. Low and behold, come the next morning all the cabinet doors were removed and laid out neatly on the floor. My husband couldn't believe it, his knowledge of being able to turn the screwdriver in the opposite direction at such a young age. He also became fascinated with numbers, consistently engaging himself in math quests that were unusual at the age of five. He quickly took a strong interest in computers, a skill I heard abounded in people with aspergers.

His social skills were never quite right. As a young child, he consistently liked to play with children far younger than his age, engaging in horseplay in a very immature way. He loved to never act his age, going down to the level of a four year old when at the age of nine and ten. Yet, he was extremely smart otherwise. He avoided most social contact and took the slightest criticisms of any sort very personal. He became sort of an outcast at school, which I sort of expected. His social skills began worrying me, but things took a horrifying turn after about 10 years old. This is when I started to have serious problems dealing with his behavior, and it was sudden.

I remember clearly, too clearly, when we had a thanksgiving dinner when he was ten years old. He used to love to read TV guides, usually writing down every show on another piece of paper. He even made up his own channels and names of shows along with what was in the TV guide, ordering them in alphabetical order and more. He kept notebook after notebook of this. This one day, however, we didn't have a recent TV guide. I stated that I would go out after dinner, because we were all ready to eat. It was he, I, my husband and my own mather and father. My son, however, would not take no for an answer. He became defiant, and when it became so bad, I screamed at him. I remember it very clearly. He walked into the bathroom right after I screamed, stayed in there for a few minutes, and came back out. He then stated directly to me: "You're going to get the TV guide. Right now." I was stunned at his directness, something I had not seen before. I told him point blank that I was not going to put up with this sort of tone, and things became very violent. Everyone started screaming, and the entire dinner went on the floor, with almost every dish and plate broken and thrown across the room. None of us were hurt, but I had no idea what to make of the situation. Then, these rages kept on happening, day after day after day. I do not know how much of my property has been destroyed, and how many times he threatened to kill me or my husband. Yet, he has never become physical with anyone. I have called 911 a number of times, because I nor my husband couldn't deal with it.

He is now full of rage, and it frightens me. He is irritable, moody, and very unpredictable. Luckily, he has calmed down a bit since those days. He's now 15, and the rages happen maybe three times a year. There are times when I am just afraid to even speak to him, because the wrong thing will send him throwing something or punching a hole in a wall. I am on my toes all the time, watching almost every word I say, and I feel that I shouldn't have to do that. There are some other problems that he has started to show that are just as frightening, though not as violent.

I just got called in to his school last week, and I was sort of shocked, and this incident led me to break down in tears and write this post. He seems to act silly on many occasions, which I never understood until recently. One of the teachers got aggravated about his silliness and threatened detention. He didn't go into a rage, but instead tried something else. After being threatened, the teacher had told me that he intentionally cursed at her, as if he tried to get detention on purpose. Well, he did. And then, during detention, the teacher had told me that she looked up at him and he was doing something rather odd below his desk. The teacher walked up, and he jumped up and got very kurt. He had his hands behind his back, and the teacher told him to show her what he had. He was reluctant at first, but then showed her. It was a needle and a bag of white powder. Apparently, the needle was in his arm, as if he was taking drugs. His reply, according to the teacher, was: "Yeah! I take drugs! So what?" Both I and my husband were called down immediately and so were the police. The strange thing is this, he was tested and the bag was tasted. He wasn't even taking drugs. It was baking powder, laced with a bit of water, that he was ingesting into his arm. He apparently was trying to let everyone know he was taking drugs, manipulated the entire incident, just for attention.

This is not the first time this has happened, but I've never seen the drugs thing before. I have grown to become very protective over him, and maybe I shouldn't be so protective, but I can't help it. Maybe I shouldn't have, but he left his computer on one morning after going to school. I was sort of curious and looked at some of the things he had on there. I never told him I did this, because I know what sort of reaction that would cause. I did become concerned. I found files and files of details on all sorts of mental illnesses, almost two to three hundred case studies and more. He is apparently trying to copy mental illness symptoms as a means of controlling himself, and now I believe I know where his silliness may be coming from. The thing is, though, I don't know why he's doing this. I know that after a rage, he is like a different person, completely weird, faking a variety of bizarre behaviors, including catatonic behavior. He is also acting out things when not in a rage, but in a much more subtle form. He seems to be truly miserable with his own life. He's even starting to fake paranoia on a regular basis, consistently telling I and my husband that he won't do chores outside, because people are looking at him. I no longer know what is truly true of him and what is not. He's also faked physical ailments at times, trekking down to a nearby hospital when upset and complaining of things he doesn't have. I believe he's researched those as well.

Yet, he's very good in school. He holds himself together for the most part, getting good grades, despite all this faking and stuff. And there is one more thing that I want to mention that is really irritating me. It is how he is toward his father.

My husband is actually less stricter with him than I am, since I am the primary disciplinarian. My husband is sometimes afraid of him, yet if you talk to my son, he makes my husband out to be horrible. He works shift work, and I can hear him become angry that he curses under his breath when he gets up. It's as if he truly hates him, and I just don't know what to do about it. My husband feels hurt more times than not, sometimes refusing to even talk to him because of his attitude towards him. I think, though, it may be something else. My husband is sometimes very argumentative, and so is my son. And my son commonly calls my husband a nazi in school, saying that he wants to 'off' foreigners. Teachers have expressed concern to me over this. Yes, I and my husband are more or less conservative types, and we support immigration controls, but nothing of the nature my son is expressing. My son, however, has also expressed sympathy for the 9/11 hijackers in school classes, something that really concerns me. I have no idea where this is coming from either, or his need to sympathize with criminals.

Just last week, he had his most recent outburst at home. We were at a dinner table. My husband started talking about a situation he heard on the news. As soon as my son heard the word 'news,' his hands clenched on the table, and he began appearing dazed and much more distant. I have started to see these sorts of things over the years, because I've lived with him so long. My husband doesn't always notice it, and feels that one day that my son will grow out of it once he gets independent and grows up. I'm really not so sure, but he started talking about a local incident involving a rapist. My father made a claim, something like: "They should lock him up." My son became irate right afterwards, screaming: "Really? Well, maybe they should lock the nazis like you up!" My son then threw a glass straight across the room and walked out of the kitchen. My husband was torn up afterwards, and wouldn't speak to him for two days.

I'm sorry that I posted something so long, but I broke down in tears. Writing this allowed me to feel better. I just don't know what to do anymore. If any of you could give me some insight as to how to handle this, I'd appreciate it. Even if people who have AS could open up and give me assurance, that would be great, too.

we had serious struggles with our 14 year old last year...all sorts of craziness, police etc..it is so absolutely exhausting ! one thing that made a tremendous difference for our son was sleep meds ( apparently, he hadn't slept for more than 3 or 4 hours in over 6 months!~he'd stay in his room and pace).you don't say whether or not he's on any meds~is he? befor the change in meds and the change in schools, i really felt my son had no future other than behind bars
happy to say that now he's doing a 100 times better.

I've sent you a pm

I think that the white powder and the needle might have been a rebellion against the innocence that's portrayed by the Rain Man character. I was hung up on Rain Man, when I was in High School and I would hide my obsessions with everything to do with London, dress in bright colours, wear Beads and Peace Signs, and call myself a Hippie. I've even rolled up small sheets of paper into fake Joints and pretended to smoke them, in Art Class. Typing this Paragraph, along with Coffee has caused a "San Francisco Trip" of sorts.

I'm fine, now that I've brewed some Tea and allowed myself to bring one of my Routemasters into the Downstairs TV Room.

Robin,

Read my post "New Here". We were recently given an aspie diagnosis for our sixteen year old daughter. Your son and my daughter sound very much alike, as I believe that my daughter WOULD pull a stunt such as the needle and baking soda incident. Not only that, my daughter is VERY against what her father does for a living (he is active duty in the military, and has been since before we were married and she was born), and she says that she does not believe "in our way of life".

One thing that I did not mention in my earlier post, that I believe that maybe I should, it does have a lot of effect on our family in general. Since November 2004, I have been undergoing treatment for cancer. I can remember Thanksgiving that year, and I had just been released from the hospital, having to have undergone surgery to remove a tumor, which was boring a hole into bone. After the tumor was removed, I had a blast of high dose chemotherapy. I was very sick and could barely move. My husband was told "At this time your wife is behind the 8 ball, and you need to take this week to decide what you would like to do as far as further treatment", and had given us a list of facilities where they treated late stage cancer. Me, I was just glad that I was out of the hospital, despite the poor prognosis I was given at the time. Thanksgiving was going to be a quiet day at home with nothing special going on, I could barely stand up, and was on an incredible amount of pain killers, anti- nausea medication and blood boosters.

My oldest daughter threw a HUGE fit. My husband looked at my oldest, who was then not quite 15, and said. "What is it that you do not understand about the fact that your mother has cancer which if nothing is done about it, it will kill her?" She went into a speil about how I wouldn't have cancer if my husband was not in the military and we were not constantly exposed to radiation and other dangerous chemicals, and that if maybe if my husband didn't work in a place which had nuclear reactors and the such, that I would have never developed this. She blamed my husbands choice of career on my cancer. I had spoken to my sister while I was in the hospital who had told me that she would have taken my children for Thanksgiving, but that she was was going to spend Thanksgiving with her in laws, who I believe are in Texas. Well this incident ended with my daughter going to the refridgerator, and taking out this 20 + pound turkey which was given to my husband at work throwing it on the counter, and coming over to the recliner chair I was sitting in, grabbing me by the arms and pulled me out of the chair. She then basically pushed me into the kitchen and said..."It is Thanksgiving and you ARE going to stay in this kitchen and cook this turkey." My kid I believed, was out of her mind, and I was crying. My husband, being in the military and all, is the type who when she acts up like this will use exactly what is used with 18 year old recruits, and get that tone of voice which will make some people shake in their shoes. She started being defiant, and he, well he was like using that loud forceful voice that a drill instructor uses, and she was just like, "Forget you", I want a Thanksgiving dinner. Mom doesn't look like she is dying to me." That day ended with the turkey being put in the oven (and my younger children pretty much having to help me cook it), and when it was finished, and we went to eat, every single carving knife in my house suddenly disappeared. So did my oldest daughter for a good hour. I never did find my knives, but oh did I have a further suprise that day. When she did come back to sit down and eat, she did so in a pair of shorts, and boy did she look beautiful. I am saying this because she took my kitchen knives, and carved her thighs up with them, and had these bloody slashes all across them. I never did find my knives again until spring came around....in my backyard. Now she didn't do anything more than just break the surface of the skin, but today, she has these horrible looking raised scars on her legs which cannot be hidden by dark pantyhose. After she inflicted these upon herself, as they began to heal, she would pick them back open over and over again. We even had to bring her to a doctor because at one point she had them infected.

As a small child, although my daughter is brilliant, and knows more than many adults about many things, as an infant /young toddler, she would get up on her hands and knees and rock back and forth, sometimes for hours. Sometimes this would include banging her head on the crib or a nearby wall. By the time she was 2 we couldn't keep her in a crib any longer, because she wouldn't climb out of it, she would take it apart, as in remove the screws, which she did with her fingers, after rocking the panels back and forth to loosen the screws. One night when she was about four, I had to have the kids stay over at grandma's house for the night. There, she got out of bed in the middle of the night and proceeded to peel every inch of wallpaper down off the walls in the bedroom she was in. Why? It bothered her. She didn't like it.

Today at times she has a bit of problems with the police. Since we are military, and live in military housing, every time an incident is reported to the local community police, it is also reported to the base, since they own our housing and it is considered to be federal rather than local property. My husband has told her that having the police , along with the military police have to show up at our home because she is being stupid, does not make things look very good for him in his career. That when she does stupid things like that, when he goes to work the following day, that he has to answer to people as to why they had to come out to our home. How if this continues, that we may lose our place to live, and he may face dishonorable discharge from the military. How if that happens, getting work in the civilian sector is very hard. We do have sympathy for the fact that she does have a legitimate medical condition, and the military has been trying to work with us. My daughter is on medication for her condition.

One thing that we are trying to avoid, but as it seems that her condition is worsening as she is older (becoming more and more of a loner, and regressing in her social behaviors), the discussion was brought up at the mental hospital where she was evaluated, of placement in a residential facility, as she will most likely, since she is already close to 17, not be able to be productive as an adult without complete structure and supervision. That may be the only viable option for her. While she was an honors student until she entered Middle School, she is now facing repeating the 9th grade for the third time. She is on an IEP. She doesn't care and says "I have to go to school because the state says I have to. Nobody in school likes me, and they all just make fun of me, and you know, so I just find an opened window in a hallway and crawl out, and go hang with Mike. We are trying to discourage her contact with Mike. Mike is from what the police have told us, 26 years old and mentally ill and likes to hang around with teenagers. They meet up at a local park. Then I'll hang out there until last period, and go back to the school in time to catch the bus home. At home, she will proceed to her bedroom. where she gets on the computer and either chats with people she does not know which we told her was dangerous, will get in touch with this girl who lives in a neighboring community, which again is not a "healthy" friendship, as this girl is I believe 12 years old, and at 12 is completely into this whole "Gothic" thing, and uses the foulest language I have ever heard. My daughter does have a younger sister who is 13, but wants notheing to do with her, saying oh, you think she is perfect! Not perfect, but does fit the term "normal". she has a morbid fascination with the heavy metal band Insane Clown Posse, Marilyn Manson and with Kurt Cobain (remember he was the singer for Nirvana who blew his brains out? She thinks that is cool), yet that event took place when she was about 4. She is also obsessed with the horror movie Saw, and the scene where this guy cuts off his foot.

When asked what she aspires to she says Oh I want to live in this nearby apartment complex ( which happens to be the housing project), and you know, get free money from the government because I am disabled, and sit on my couch and be fat, after I go in and Martha Stewart the place. I asked her whether she ever thought about going to work, and her response was "What so I can go have some mindless zombie person run around and tell me what to do all day? I don't think so. Besides, I have seen what working and being respectable has done to you people, it has brainwashed all of you into thinking that you can just have your little perfect lives, perfect house, screw that! I'd rather sleep on a park bench."

Feel free to PM me any time, as I believe we could be a great support for each other.

hiya,

I am 16. I can understand the perspective of the parenst. i have never doen anything like what you have decribed yet i ended up in fostercare, and i currently living in a tempory restbite center before moving onto placement number 6.

All i can say to you is make sure they know you love them.

jammie

This is Robin. Thanks to all who replied. I really appreciate it. I took off work today, since I had made an appointment with my son's school counselor today. This counselor spent the first hour talking with my son, and then I was called in. I decided to post this report as a follow up. Here's what she said, and I'd like some input from those out there who think whether or not I should follow through with the arrangements that she laid out for me. And I'd like to know if similar situations have helped anyone out.

One of the things I like about this particular counselor, than many of the umpteen previous therapists, is that she doesn't seem to be led by my son, who has manipulated almost all previous therapists with dramatic stories about things that he doesn't have. Yes, he's been placed on a host of medications, almost none of which he has never needed, and most of which he apparently never ingested. My son has a strong disgust for medications, and he refuses to smoke or drink, which I am greatly thankful. That's why I was sort of caught off guard when I was called into the school over the recent drugs incident. I had also explained some of his recent behaviors at home to the counselor previously, like last week when I made the appointment.
When talking to the counselor just today, she said that there are three factors she feels are at work here.

(1) He has serious communication issues. He has a serious problem coming to people close to him about how he feels. He often manivpulates people to get the responses he wants. He will, however, spill his guts to therapists, but I was told that's because he feels safe and secure.
(2) He feels that the world is a very dark place, and I was told that he feels that he is trying to "right" the wrongs in the lives of both I and my husband. When he doesn't get what he wants, he can't stand the disagreement. I've more or less thought this before, because he can't stand it when I or my husband argue at all. He has to have constant agreement and total consent. He never seems to understand that marriage is a two-way street and has tried to split I and my husband apart on a number of occasions.
(3) He craves structure and routine. He feels the world is unstructured, in other words, a dark and cruel place, and is setting himself up to be a "ward of the state" -- that's what the counselor told me. He apparently fears the roles of authority figures, has expressed fears of ending up in prison one day because of his outbursts, and that may be the main reason why he continuously thrives on cases of mental illness.

The thing is, though, the counselor had told me it's not a hopeless situation. She said that we as parents have to try to draw the line between independence and support, which I was told will be very hard to do, but that she can help guide us through it as best as possible. He is at the age, I was told, that he needs to learn skills to sustain his own life, like getting a job, even if it is just a part-time position. Since he does well in school for the most part, the counselor told me that he may feel somewhat comfortable in a job position where he feels comfortable, and there are support groups out there that can help in this manner.
I'm not wild about his choice of career, but I'm not going to stand in the way, and neither is my husband. We both just want him to feel comfortable and safe. He talks about becoming a defense lawyer one day, but it's sort of a choice based on intense rage. He told his therapist, strangely enough in front of me, that he chooses such a career because: "He wants to stick it to the pigs out there." I've learned to deal with his sarcasm, though I am not fond of it, especially in public. He is, however, going to have to learn that such language is not acceptable in the real world, and that sort of bothers me.

I was told that my son should seek out a support group where he can communicate with others who have similar conditions. I'm sort of afraid that he may pick up on their anomalies, or whatever you want to call them, and start mimicking them. I just don't know, but I was told that this was the proper approach. I was also told of a supported employment program through the state or something. So, should I look into that? The therapist said a summer job may be beneficial, so I don't know? Would it be too much? I just want to find out from people who have dealt with special needs children.

My son has HFA and I consider myself AS (diagnosed around the spectrum as a kid before they knew about AS) and this is opinion only.

The idea of a support group (even online)may help a person feel better about themselves that they are not without peers that they can relate to. The problem with therapists and others who are NT is that even if you try and describe things in detail they can't really know what it is like. So in a way their advice may be taken with the attitude that you don't really know what you are talking about so I'm not going to listen to you. With a support group for AS your son might be able to get some practical advice - something that he might accept from people he knows can relate to what he is feeling. Of course - just being in a tiny group where everyone is having a pity party isn't going to be very productive so you might want to look get more info about whatever support groups the therapist is directing you towards.

As far as the other stuff the therapist said - it is pretty standard fare. One term I dislike the use of though is the word "manipulation". For some reason it seems to have negative connotations in regards to AS, but when NTs do it to change their kids behavior it is applaudable. Thinking of things in black and white with no middle ground can be an AS trait. So, it may be that your son has difficulty seeing the other side of the argument or seeing an issue from another person's perspective. Other issues may be disliking any surprises or intrusions or interruptions into what they want to do or are doing. I'm not sure if that relates to the "wanting structure and routine". That almost sounds like a person with AS would want to be on a schedule and that might not be accurate. As far as "sarcasm" - people with AS can be blunt, and that is not necessarily sarcasm. But autism is a spectrum and every person is unique so you can't make too many generalizations about behaviors.

One thing she did not mention though was about sensory issues - which can be huge but not necessarily something everyone with AS deals with. If he has sensory issues that may effect his ability to do a job if lights or sounds are overwhelming for him. You do not want to be sitting at a desk and listening to a phone ring OVER and OVER if sounds bother you.

you described my son so well ! how did you know ??
things have gotten much better now that he's in an environment where he feels supported. his teachers are helping him with social issues, and we're not seeing as much of the: "i want to stick it to you" attitude. he has been workign really hard to try and understand or at least accept that others *might* have opinions different than him....i'd check out the group the counselor is referring to before getting him to go. i'd want to make certain that the group has a definite agenda, and a moderator or leader that can help keep things civil. the group my hubby belongs to has discussed things such as jobs, dating ( NOT my hubby...there's a mixed range of folks in the group), and assimilating..........
as far as employment goes, you might want to check out local shops that are "friendly". i used to work at a craft shop that hired lots of diverse people ~ being "odd" and in the arts is somewhat accepted ( i'm calling myself odd, too, btw ).my son has difficulty with authority, but not so much when $$$ is involved.

I wouldn't make him get any job that he is not comfortable with. I still have never had a summer job (at the age of 20) because most of the places that hire teens are bound to be loud and confusing (store resturants etc.). Also at 15 years old most kids his age probably dont have jobs, I would say only about 25% of the kids I knew at that age had jobs. Does he want the job or do you/his counselor,? if your forcing it upon him he is much more unlikely to accept it. Also I dont think he would mimic abnormalities if you told him to talk here so just do that , I am the UOPHA and as part of my duty I sometimes help parents with there aspies so maybe just let him talk here.

Speaking as an aspie...

Sometimes I get so mad I cannot stand it. Then I have to go away and do something (vent, stim, rock back and forth, break dishes that I get at garage sales for that purpose, etc). My triggers for this are noise, conflicting information I cannot process, or a social injustice.

Two things help. First prozac cuts the rages and helps me notice they are comming so I can do something to stop them. Second I can say bye to the world (even at work) and then go stim in the lactation/mother's room with the door locked until I feel better.

Does your son have the right to leave school classes when he feels overwhelmed? Also has anyone informed his teacher that the the supreme court has deturmined even school children have the right to free speach. Your son's teacher should stop over reacting and micromanaging her students behavior. In my special ed class as long as no one got hurt it was considered a good day.

The need to be able to take a break is very important for someone on the spectrum - sometimes just knowing that you have the freedom to walk away to regroup can make things less stressful. Sounds are a big trigger for me - and once you start to feel overwhelmed or stressed it is better to just walk away than to let it get to overload.

being able to take a break can make the difference between a good day and a bad day for my son....he's been allowed this accomodation for the last 2 years~although only the school he's in currently has followed through with the accomodation consistently. as always, accomodations can only work if you have a staff that supports the program. at the old school, they would very often say that son was only asking for a break because he was "avoiding work"~not that he was overwhelmed.....

I was allowed that accomidation (probably still would be if I needed it enough, Monday I thought about walking out because my last teacher basically yelled at me when I didnt understand why I couldnt do something with a formula) but generally by the time I knew I needed it I was too overwhelmed and generally that ended in violence.

I just joined an aspie group near where I live. It's an interesting experience, and it could be helpful. If your son is going to use the group to try to "copy" aspie symptoms, it may not be as helpful as you'd like. I would probably think about going, if you're going to take him to one, and explaining his situation to the people there.

I can relate to some of the rage that your son feels, because some of it sounds somewhat similar to how I would get and still can under some conditions. I've exploded in violence like that, coupled with intense hostility and a lot of screaming fits. It has taken me, on occasion, one to two days to fully recover. From what you wrote, I think the "copying mental illness" stuff may be a stim, of sorts, due to the intense anxiety. He may not understand how to control his impulsive behavior during a meltdown, and he may be channeling it that way, as to avoid getting like very violent at school or in a public place, where the consequences could be really serious. I would try to allow him to channel his anger in this manner, simply because getting really violent can lead to serious consequences, but at the same time, try to work with his therapist or whoever to try to get him to stim in more positive ways. The thing is, once he starts to have a meltdown, he's gonna have it. Let him do whatever he needs to, so long as it is not something that could cause someone or himself serious harm, to calm down. You said the rages lessened, so I'm assuming he's found ways to channeling his impulses.

If it's anything like me, the rages may weed off as he gets older. But, I suspect the anxiety will always be there, and he may always be on edge and nervous. It'll be more or less something he may have to deal with. Is he on any medications? If he's that out of control, maybe he should be. I'm not a big medication fan, but there are those circumstances where it may be warranted.

- Ray M -

Dear AspiesParent:


You mentioned your son is 15, but not his school year. When he gets to be a junior in HS, check your blue pages for your states Rehabilitation Commission, or Assistive and Rehabilitative Commission, something along those lines in the state office listings. This agency is there to help your child transition from high school to wherever he is going next - work, college, etc. They provide vast resources, and it is unwise to miss out on their help.

As for the immediate and day to day issues, while it appears much of your son's issues may be related to AS or sensory issues, keep in mind that having a child on the spectrum doesn't give us a free pass from the usual teenage angst, it just may be compounded or shrouded by the other issues.

Some of the quotes you have provided of your son's choice of language seem to indicate he is picking up his verbage from books and movies, as some of it is quite dated. (I'm on the border of my third teenager so I hear all the "lingo" lol) He may be looking for an identity to copy or emulate, as he is too unsure of himself and uncomfortable in communicating to be himself. In other words, instead of being a "little professor" at 15 he's choosing to be a "little hippie" or other character. This way he doesn't have to think about the language and communication, he simply repeats what these characters say. And as a teenager, naturally, he's doing things to get a reaction - any reaction - out of his parents and other adults.

IMHO I think an in person face to face support group might be a bit much for a 15 year old. Unless it is a family oriented group in which parents or other family members are welcomed and included - again it's just my .02.