Sensory question, glasses in particular

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My son has debilitating sensory issues. He is hypersensitive to anything that touches his skin. I need to understand it better, so any Aspie that can help me understand it better, it would be much appreciated. I am trying to be a good parent to him, which means I have to understand what is going on.

Glasses - my son's glasses don't 'feel right' if he takes them off and puts them back on. He experiences extreme discomfort. They are 'different' every time he puts them back on. Also, he sees dirt on them and this causes by far the worst reaction/tantrum/rage. I can understand that he is unable to see past the dirt, like I do while driving and my windshield is dirty - I know the dirt is there, but just kind of look past it. He can't do that and it is torture to him. Even if I can't see the dirt it is there. He is going through special vision testing this week with a doc that specializes in sensory disordered kids w/ vision problems (this is separate than the neuropsych testing at the end of this month). He has to put his glasses in a clean, special place where no one could possibly get to them when he goes to bed. He refuses to get his hair cut because he will have to take off his glasses. He can only clean them at home with a certain T-shirt. He absolutely will not clean them when we are out and will go into a severe rage unless we go straight home for him to clean them, and even then, once it starts it doesn't stop. The medication has reduced this quite a bit though. Is this and how is this AS related?

Shoes/socks - my son does not wear socks anymore. They caused such a huge problem every morning because they didn't feel right. We tried every different brand, seamless, special socks, none were OK, so he just doesn't wear them. When he was wearing socks, he wore the same pair, without washing, for about 8 weeks. I gave up after fighting him on the socks for YEARS (not understanding what was going on). Socks or no socks, his shoes are a big problem too. They don't feel right. He will wear the same pair of shoes until they don't fit and fall apart. Buying a new pair of shoes is extremely traumatic for him (every single time). We've tried all types of shoes, none are better than others. Now the tantrums/rages about the shoes have reduced, as long as no one touches them. If someone touches them, they feel different when he puts them on. He will only wear velcro and never undoes the velcro because then he can't get them back to how they were. He also hides his shoes in a special place when he sleeps so no one touches them.

Shorts/underwear - I have made all the accomodations I possibly can for shorts and underwear. Shirts are not much of a problem - tagless w/ no print. He has been wearing the same pair of shorts for 5 weeks now because no other shorts feel right. He does let me wash them once a week but that's it. He even has other shorts that are very similar, but they don't feel right. Same thing with underwear. I don't even know how to handle this. They don't feel right. He has not changed/washed his underwear in weeks now. If I wash them they hurt and don't feel right (to the point of tantrum/rage). I have also, of course, tried every different type of underwear and bigger sizes - none are better than others. He won't go without underwear.

Basically the reason I have given up and allowed him to not wear socks and not change his shorts or underwear is because I have been battling him on this since he was very little and the reaction never changes, but recently it has gotten so much worse.

When all these issues got to a point where I was about to lose my job because my son is throwing 1.5 hr tantrums in the morning on our way out the door, I had to just stop trying to make him wear socks and change his clothes. It wasn't working anyway (keep in mind I had never heard of SID, SPD, or thought of ASD throughout his life). I can't lose my job over my son changing his clothes.

Can someone please explain all this to me or relate to it? Is it this debilitating for everyone?

He won't go anywhere there is a chance his glasses might get dirty, which is basically everywhere. He won't even go outside now. If it is raining outside, he will absolutely refuse to go out anywhere. He will go to day camp, but he will literally PUSH people out of the way to get into the door. He uses an umbrella, but if there is any time we don't have one for whatever reason, he will cover his entire head with his shirt and not look where he is walking. He as even walked in front of a moving car trying to cover his glasses from the rain. I am usually still at the car getting his little bro out of the car seat and he just takes off. I yell at him to stop, tell him to wait, he won't. I do drop him off in front of stores and stuff now, I make all the accomodations I can for him, but there are times I can't do this. He is completely inflexible - will not wear hats or hoods to cover his head so he can still see but be covered from the rain, won't wear a rain coat.

Wind is also a big problem now...I am not sure if that is related to his glasses or not.

I want to understand this....

Is there anyway that he can get contact lenses? I am not sure how early kids can get them.

Anyway, it sounds like it could be a mixture of sensory issues and his need for sameness. Many AS children do not like change. They want things to be the same because it causes confusion for them. It really sounds like it is definitely debilitating.

From what I have read, some people can have SPD, and not be autistic, but most autistic people do have some form of sensory related issues. My son does not really have extreme sensory issues although he has a few. It sounds like your son's main sensory issues are tactile. An OT who specializes in Sensory Integration Therapy should be able to help. Usually, they try to "desensitize" the person by exposing them to small doses at a time of whatever it is that is the issue.

Some of the issues may not ever really go away, but can get better. It sounds like you are doing a good job of making accomodations for him.

As far as the glasses, I see how that could really bug him. He is probably already having difficulty processing his environment, then to add the frustration of not really being able to see clearly, could be very frustrating. My eye doctor sells this spray that can be sprayed on for cleaning glasses. Maybe he could get some of this, and it would really clean his glasses good, and he could carry it with him.

Wish I could help more............

Hi, I just wanted to say there are certain similarities with my 12 year old daughter, well she was always fussy with clothes, refused to wear underwear at all eventually agreed to the most expensive seamless kind and now will only wears those. Would never wear jeans or any constricted waists , only tracksuit pull up type trousers, and now only wears hoodies for warmth, with the hood up if we're out anywhere, a look which I absolutley hate.
She also has glasses but wont wear them because she says she can see them, see the rims and thats too annoying. So she wants contacts and I'm going to look into getting those even tho it will be an added expense, she really needs to be able to see so will indulge her in that.
Looking back now, there was always one garment she was crazy about, when she was 5 and 6 it was a red fleece head band, she wore that every single day for 2 years, after that it was black wrists bands that she wore till they were threads hanging off her, and I got so fed up with seeing them when we were on holiday I threw them out and told her I saw a hadeda (big exotic bird) take them for building his nest. (She accepted this explanation as loves animals). Anyway, I have learned just to go with flow, to some extent anyway. (She will still wear the same tee shirt to bed then to school then to bed then to school and so on unless I step in and put it in the wash. )
Anyway, good luck ! You do sound like you're doing great with it, it can be quite frustrating I know!

I started eating in restaurants once I got to college age. However, no matter what restaurant I went to....I ordered grilled cheese sandwich and a coke. It could be a fast food place, or a 4 star place...made no difference. When I started working, I wore the same sweater (a batwing fleece soft as butter kind) for over 200 days in a row. As I have continued to get older, I allow myself more variety...such as the same shirt in every color, or the same capris in every color made. I understand about the shoes - I use to get panic attacks just thinking about having to get a new pair of shoes. Now I get them in all colors.

Let's see if I can put this together for you...You know you are going to make a change (ie go to a store, go to school, any type of transition) so the least you can do is feel as comfortable as possible with things you have control over. Any additional change creates chaos...and you have to control that chaos because you are going into chaos and don't want any more than you have to have. Things just need to feel right. They calm you when they feel right. The underwear, the feet, if they don't feel right...it's distracting (mildly put) and pretty soon, you don't pay attention to anything else because you end up focused on that one thing. Cleaning your glasses with one thing is because that one thing does the best job...and since it does the best job, trying ANY thing else is chaos.

I admire you willingness to try and understand. Things don't always seem logical but they are to him. Oftentimes, just listen to what he says and hear what he says. You don't say how old your son is...but perhaps having him start to clean his own things will be helpful, such as ok, those clothes can be worn everyday, yet they need to be clean so what should we do? And perhaps have him participate in the laundry. It's sorta like doing things together instead of you vs. him.

Elise