More tips please? (parenting based)

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Hi. I know I've made multiple posts on the same topic and I tend to repeat myself every few months so I'm sorry to once again make another topic like this. I do apologize. As I've stated in past topics I've made, the 8 year old when she gets home refuses to do her homework and is whiny I don't want to! 2+2= what? I don't know! etc. She is in 3rd grade this has been going on since Kindergarten. So now 4 years of this K,1,2,Now 3rd. She does have a learning disability and has had tutors every year multiple ones in fact but she still struggles. Tips of taking a break (Like some of you have said perhaps school is stressful for her and she doesn't want to jump on HW right when she gets home). If she takes a "break" It's hard to get her back focused on school work. Yelling/getting mad over example doing 20 math problems FINALLY she does them only after the yelling/getting mad part. This is a daily occurrence and is very draining on my mom and for me to see as the older sister looking at the issue. I was curious if anyone had any more tips on this problem. Perhaps You child grew out of it and started hitting the books. If so when? Please and Thank You. I'm so sorry.

When my son went to some special group sessions to deal with anger and stress, one of the things they talked about was homework. In that session HE decided how he would approach and tackle homework. Making that decision for HIMSELF was probably the single biggest difference we ever saw. I think he was in 5th grade at the time, so your sister may not be developmentally ready for that step. But, when the time is right, letting HER decide how and when it will get done is going to be THE single largest step taken to improve the situation.

Otherwise ... well, I used to bride my son. Every few problems he got a reward. Sometimes it was me agreeing to do whatever silly request he made (and, seriously, unless it was dangerous, expensive, or excessively messy, I did exactly what his silly request was - it actually was such a laugh), and sometimes it was just getting hugs and cuddles. My husband used to play these games where they'd drop a coin onto the paper, and that would decide which problem got done first. The trick is to know what motivates HER, and dream up creative games accordingly. Yes, it's all labor intensive, but so is fighting. And, well, I preferred ending up dying of laughter on the floor from doing something utterly ridiculous to get my son through his homework, than yelling at him.

Have you tried any meds - Riitalin or Concerta?

When you have a learning disability in math, 20 math problems can seem like hell.

Tell her this, because it probably hasn't occurred to her: You are supposed to memorize the answers after you figure them out.

I think what probably would work much better than 20 problems a day is to have 5 problems a day. She is to figure out and memorize the answers. The next day, some of those five will be replaced by a few new ones. And the day after that, the other half will be brought back, and some replaced.

Example:

Monday:
2+2
3+5
4+7
3+1
2+9

Tuesday:
2+2
3+5
4+7
9+8
6+5

Wednesday
3+1
2+9
9+8
6+5
7+2
1+8

So it's a reasonable amount for her to memorize, and she gets a mix of problems and she see's some of the problems again.

Another thing you can do is just have her rote memorize in an auditory fashion the tables like one memorizes how to count.

1+1=2
1+2=3
1+3=4
1+5=6

She can spend 2 or 3 days repeating each table and you can do this in the car or wherever.



1+5=5

Zelda, I am always touched by how you care for your sister - and I know whining can be hard to endure, I'm sure it's difficult for you and your Mom.

Math can be really difficult for some people - I never conquered arithmetic and still count on my fingers. If she's able to memorize math problems - which I wasn't - the best strategy is to make flash cards - problem on one side and answer on the back. Do the entire addition table from 1 to 10 and set aside the ones she didn't get right, after giving her the correct answer. Then re-do the ones she didn't get right, again setting aside the ones she didn't get right. Do this a couple of times, giving her lots of breaks - it's also important to remember to accommodate her processing time: if she is thinking and you interrupt her, she may have to start thinking from the beginning. Just let her answer in her own time, as long as she is trying to pay attention.

Unfortunately, this strategy didn't work for me and only partially works for DS. Another strategy is NOT to teach memorization, but to teach what an arithmetic problem means: use grouped objects to show the math problems. You might even make flashcards with the drawings of the grouped objects (often, people use dominoes as they work by this principle) and then the math problem underneath.

This gets more complicated with multiplication, but it works really well for arithmetic. You might build her skills just by playing games with two dice and having her add them together.

Mom says she's just lazy and doesn't want to do it but sadly after the yell/get mad she sits down and does it. (This can be reading her worst challenge and math as well) Mom today yanked her up by her hair IF YOU WANT SOMETHING TO CRY ABOUT I'LL GIVE YOU SOMETHING TO CRY ABOUT! GET IN HERE AND DO YOUR HOMEWORK!! ! etc. She just never wants to do it and it takes the yell/get mad for her to break down and do it. I'm not sure if she is "lazy" or if she'll ever get out of this phase. IMO as the observer the above yelling and especially yanking her up doesn't help ANYTHING! but I tend to keep my views out of it since it usually will lead to me being yelled at. I've mention perhaps school is harder for her and she doesn't want to come home and do HW right away but once when I mention the she's tired thing mom said "Well I worked all day and I'm tired you don't see me whining!" So my parents view is very one sided I just hope the 8 year old gets better some time. As it's going now she IS going to fail 3rd grade (February is the FL FCAT test) It's a PASS/FAIL test. Considering every area she is doing bad in passing it isn't looking good. I don't understand her problem. 2 x 10= (whatever wrong answer) but we ask at home she'll say 20 (the right answer) so she KNOWS the answer. Perhaps the teacher doesn't give her enough time or she chokes up I have no clue. I'm glad to get tips once again on this issue and hope it passes. At this rate she'll stress throughout Elementary/Middle/High school and then be done but I'd like her to go to college and pursue a career.

Honestly, from what you write, I think your parents may just be the problem with your sister. But, that isn't exactly within your power to solve, so hopefully we can come up with things you can do to help. I feel really bad for her; she's just looking for someone to understand her and her needs, it seems to me.