Grooming

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OK -

So I read that I'm not supposed to do stuff for my convenience......What do I do with this?

DS has toileting accidents. He walks around with stuff in his pants and it's smelly. Tonight we got invited to see a friend at a really nice concert. DS likes the friend and likes the place where the concert is. He likes to go.

He won't take a shower. He smells. I don't want to be in the car with him like this and I don't want to bring him to a nice place like this. He says he doesn't smell. Period.

So what do I do? Logic isn't working. I don't want to stay home. I don't want to force a meltdown. I feel really stuck!

Thanks

OK - Crisis averted. Sponge bath was finally agreed to. Going to the show....

This isn't just for your convenience, it's for the convenience of everyone who has to be around your son, and also for his benefit too.

He is in absolutely no position to say that he, himself does not smell, unless he has asked someone else to answer that question for him. All he can say is that he cannot smell himself. A person can develop BO so bad that it's like roadkill in midsummer, but they most likely won't be able to smell it themselves, as they will have become accustomed to it over time. My uncle is a cattle farmer, and cannot smell cow dung at all, due to spending large parts of the day around it, and one of my high school friends had a father who was a chicken farmer, who couldn't smell chicken s*** at all (and we had to put up with it when he occasionally had to do the school run).

If your son can't accept this simple fact now, then he will be forced to at some point as he becomes even more ostracised as he gets older, which in the long run will be far more harmful than a few meltdowns now. If you want to prove it to him with science show him how optical illusions work (the simplest one being staring out of a car window, and how everything seems to keep moving in the opposite direction once the car stops. Your mind 'moves' the image in the opposite direction to travel, so it's easier to see it. When the car stops, your mind keeps moving the image for a while). It's the same principle as for smell. The mind blocks out any smell it's exposed to over time, so it's possible to smell other new things despite it. Of course stopping the smell by washing won't be noticeable, because there's still nothing to smell.

I myself hate showers, and prefer baths instead (so long as they are not rushed). When given sufficient time, they are actually relaxing. Drying off afterwards can be another sensory issue, if you use a dry towel, as they aren't actually that absorbent. Using a damp face cloth to skim off all the surface water just after you get out of the bath, is far more effective, and by the time you've put on a robe and gone back to your room, you're completely dry, without all that rubbing with a dry towel.